SEETHING

They were 3-0 down after 36 minutes m8.

Christ, can the SPFL not just give us this silly wee title now and save everyone some petrol money.

If you're watching the away stream, your team will lose.

Why are you posting this BORING nonsense about ye olde footeballe on this thread you CRETINS

Good lord.

The emotional cost of witnessing your daft wee team being steamrollered will be far greater.

Lovely news - I enjoyed that opening day result a great deal.

CHAMPIONS 5 (FIVE) - 3 AYR UNITED Yet another ROUTINE VICTORY for the EDINBURGH EXCELSIOR, seeing off the latest iteration of the MEAN STREET POSSE at Tynecastle. Ayr were so LAMENTABLE that even bottling JACKANAPES Steven Kingsley and Craig Wighton could get on the scoresheet. I had BETTER THINGS TO DO than watch this game, but I assume that their goals were the sort of LIMP-ANKLED SIDE FOOTER finishes that one can get away with in this LEAGUE OF MISFIT TOYS.

Champions-Elect 6 (six) - 1 Queen of the South Believe it or not, FOLLOWERS, it is a BITTERSWEET feeling for me tonight, as my BIG team TROUNCED my WEE team. It is a SAD DAY for Queens fans as even CONFIRMED DIDDY Elliot Frear managed to bag a goal against their HAPLESS side. The juggernaut's PATH OF DESTRUCTION shows no sign of abating, which will surely strike IRRITABLE BOWEL SYNDROME into the disgestive tracts of all PUB LEAGUE fans.

WRONG thread MUPPET

MORTON 0 (NIL) - 2 CHAMPIONS-ELECT As promised, FOLLOWERS, I have returned to this thread in TRIUMPH, having witnessed the Champions-Elect's latest BRUSHING ASIDE of a PROVINCIAL CLUB. I dropped Geography after INTERMEDIATE TWO, but I'm fairly sure that Greenock is a TIER THREE area at present. Quite frankly, their silly little club belongs in tier FOUR of the Scottish leagues, given the ABSENCE OF THREAT they posed on their POTATO FIELD of a pitch. The juggernaut rolls on, friends.

It was outwith my personal control, yes. HMFC bafflingly went with Joel Pereira in goals instead.

Thoughts and prayers with St Mirren fans in this difficult time; being arbitration arbitrarily punished for circumstances outwith their control.

It's a diddy competition anyway tbf.

You can BET YOUR BOOTS that I will return to this LEAGUE GAMES thread after the Champions-Elect's next league fixture.

Raging mon eh berrz

Did we?! Who?

I tell ya hwhat, it really exposes the emptiness that comes from supporting Celtic when you're absolutely seething beyond belief at the direction your team's going when you might miss out on your first domestic trophy in several years, after winning all the rest. Shame.

Hearts 3 - 0 Alloa In my QUIETER MOMENTS I often reflect upon the ABSURDITY of the universe, and nowhere else is said absurdity more apparent than the fact that Alloa Athletic are supposed to be in the same LEAGUE as Heart of Midlothian FC. A CRUSHING VICTORY for the champions-elect, who could easily afford to miss two penalties in an admirable show of MERCY towards the no-voting Hawaiian select. I'm not even bothering to keep track of who's next on the CHOPPING BLOCK, but I foresee another easy three points in whatever fixture is next in this ABSURD wee league.

I am a REASONABLE MAN and believe in giving credit where it is due. With that in mind, congratulations to HEART OF MIDLOTHIAN for surviving the HATCHET MAN TACTICS of a DISGUSTING Dungfermline side determined to kick and MAIM the cultured Gorgie Globetrotters. The result is IMMATERIAL in the grand scheme of things; a mere PEBBLE under the TANK TREADS of the Hearts Juggernaut. Onwards and most certainly UPWARDS.

An extremely boring documentary that stinks of that big bald son of a bitch Ann Budge playing her "creative control" card. You'd barely know that Hearts absolutely stank up the league last season thanks to Craig Levein and his goons (albeit we would definitely have stayed up if the season had been played to a fair conclusion). Interviewing the cretins who do the wee signing videos for Twitter and oversee the hospitality. Had hoped for Sunderland Til I Die-esque hilarity, but the only thing I'm taking away so far is that Andy Irving has a lazy eye. e: although fair play to Budge for insisting that St Mirren 1 - 0 Hearts was left on the cutting room floor.

Is...is that a ball gag necklace?

Muirhouse is AKIN TO ST TROPEZ compared to the FIFE FAVELA that is Dungfermline, imo.