chomp my root

Aye, I've heard a variation of it, and in fairness, half the fun of shagging Kylie (or any celeb) would be boasting about it to your pals, or work mates or random strangers.

All ancient history unfortunately, I wouldn't know what to do with a bit of strange now. Until the alzheimer's kicks in I'll still have my memories though, I did give BP a run for their money in the pipe laying department..

I admire your commitment, I've not met a burd that sooner or later I've got bored of sawing in half. I reckon if I was shagging Kylie Minogue I'd get bored after a while and wonder what her sister was like.

Think she got 'papped' getting her growler out and sunbathing. Sure I heard that somewhere.....

Local councillors too, from experience they're a mixed bunch, some seem self serving and too busy to get back to you but try different ones, they have more influence with the council departments and will know the people to contact. For anyone with issues, don't give up, keep making a nuisance of yourself and use email where possible so you have a record of who you got in touch with and when. I've had issues with trail bikes and those lovable travelling types and (touch wood) after a few years of pushing it, the travellers should be sorted. Next stop the bikes. If YOU are having issues then there's a good chance others are too, get other neighbours involved, you might have to be the 'lead' dealing with chasing things up but apart from the moral support you will also be able to provide witnesses rather than it just being a dispute between 2 neighbours. Having said all that, years ago I resolved an ongoing noisy neighbour issue with the threat of a shoeing, horses for courses.

Plenty scholarship's for wee Beatrix Dolce-Gabbana, my daughter ended up at a private school through a scholarship, not my call, that was down to my ex-wife. Nothing against folk wanting to spend extra to send their kids to a school but my wee Chantelle-Britney was maybe a lost cause.

Its common in some cultures to mutilate the genitals of children too (taking the nuclear option), doesn't mean I either have to A) like it or B) think its right. It still boils my piss and its only a matter of time before we get the four barrelled names when 2 of these phuqwits get married and we get the Fortesque-Smythe-Huntingdon-Smythe's. Never meet them but I hate them.

Probably been covered in the gazillion pages but double barrelled names. Been watching the athletics and it was boiling my piss, just watched Newcastle V Spurs and there's a double barrelled fecker there too. Do schemies think it turns them into toffs or something ? Just no !

Been a while since I've been on here but I'm here to advertise the Fife Dark Blues AGM on saturday, We're having it in the Dundee Social Club at 12 if anyone fancies coming along, old, current and new members are welcome to come along to spraff Dundee pish. Hopefully the meeting will be short and the drinking/spraffing long. You don't have to be Fife based, we've got members from all over and its an opportunity to drink and talk bollox about our top 3 season.

I seem to be lucky on that front, the painting in the attic is starting to look a bit tatty though.

Its a living, I'm just glad I've got my good looks to rely on.

I've done something similar but shouldered the responsibility. Early 2000's and living in Edinburgh and cycling to work in Rosyth, slept in so as I lived 5 minutes from Haymarket cycled down there to jump off at Inverkeithing and I'd have made it on time. Got to the platform and jumped on the train. Only to find the next stop was Kirkcaldy, Doh ! Rang the boss and explained I'd be late, he ripped the piss but was cool, I was more annoyed with myself. Conductor came round and charged me the extra to Kirkcaldy so got off at Kirkcaldy and had to buy a return to Inverkeithing. To save time I locked my bike and jumped in a taxi to save time (still feeling guilty about being adrift) and asked the taxi driver to stop at the cash point while telling him what a shit morning I'd had. Some days you can't piss a drop and I as I was travelling 'light' only had the one card which of course didn't work at the bank. The only bright spot on my horizon was the taxi driver felt sorry for me and drove me to the dockyard anyway (I paid him back the next day, I think he was surprised). I'll put my hand up as the cvnt that day, not intentionally but that's often the way. By the time I got in, and told the story I was more pitied I think, there was ridicule as well of course.

What, even with lasagne and chips. Go on, give it a shot. You'll be on beastwatch before you know it.

The tomato sauce could be with baked beans if you prefer.

Could probably be an entire new thread but totally agree that tomatoes should not be on a breakfast plate. Tomato sauce YES, tomatoes NO.

Colour me "white trash", I love drinking on trains, not the 15 minute trips but the 4 hour jobs, tablet out, earphones in and loud mouth soup aplenty.

Going by the thread, just about any behaviour seems fair game to fall into the 'cvntish' category. My guess would be because you're sat by the door but I'm probably overthinking what was a throwaway remark.

Just remembered one, maybe 6 years or so ago, was getting the train from Helensburgh to Edinburgh (stayed on the slow train as the missus was picking me up at Uphall, a short cut for me) and was sitting in one of the jump seats by the doors as I was happy with the space and the solitude. 3 wee nyaffs came up to the door bit and were going to spark up their tabs. I told them they couldn't smoke on the train, they reckoned they could and objected to my viewpont, even siting that one of them had been in the Army and "fought for Queen and country" It all got a bit shouty and confrontational but they went back into the main bit of the train. It was only when I was getting off and someone else came out that I smelt the smoke, the dirty minks had actually sat in the seats and just sparked up. I'm sure the folk in the main bit must have heard the shouting so I don't know why some of them told the phuqwits to stop. They did look either 'not right' or wired to the moon or both, I was disappointed in my fellow travellers more than the minks. The minks are still the cvnts though, apart from me sitting in the drop seat behind the drivers cab, I'm sure someone will find that cvntish behaviour.

As someone who used to spend a lot of time on trains I preferred the aisle seat, especially on a long journey. I'd most likely be drinking so wanting to go for a slash and as a larger chap I enjoyed the extra shoulder space (yes shoulder). If you get on first then surely one of the perks is picking your seat, people sitting in the aisle seat isn't always sinister. I used to be well set up with a laptop and glass of vino but would either happily get up to let someone in or even move across if I wasn't getting off soon. Having a bag or whatever on the seat next to you is the behaviour of cvnts and I have no issue with asking them to move it so I can sit there. Most of the cvntish behaviour has been covered already and hen parties are far worse than stag parties on trains for the sheer decibel levels and "notice us" antics. I'm more of a bus w****r these days and I find the 'local' buses are worse than the express ones and the types of creatures who hang around bus stations are eye opening.

I can get where you're coming from but I got a mate who's about 6'5" and his ex wife was about 5' and while they were an odd looking couple (I even told them I'd love to see them fucking, just for the sheer 'what the f**k' rather than the pervy aspect (we were good friend but not that good)). I also had a 'dalliance' with a burd who had been with a guy who had a massive tadger, she reckoned that it wasn't all that great because he was so big she couldn't be 'tossed around' the same (she wasn't exactly a pixie herself), we're a funny bunch us people and have our own set of priorities whether its height or whatever.

Yup, I hear ya. Mrs Root goes on about her "monkey arms" and clothes being too short but then again, she has more of an issue about going up a size to get the extra length (ooh err). Its the same way that she's a size 10 12 because in her head she's still an ickle princess.

I'm 6' Mrs Root is 5'8". Tallest I've been with was 5'11" and she was pleased that I was taller than her rather than the other way round, not an issue for me, she even had size 10 feet. Shortest was a bit under 5', maybe 4'9" or 4'10" who was an Asian lassie. While I prefer petite 'mediteranean'' looking lassies, I'm with a gingwah and have been for over 18 years. I also wanted to be an astronaut or a train driver, you play the hand that's dealt you I guess, I've still not got the current one 'fixed' so not in a massive rush to risk an upgrade. I've found girls have more issues about height than guys generally, same with age, lassies seem to want a guy slightly older in a relationship, probably different if they're wanting sawn in half right enough.

Anyone else remember this sinister fecker ? Only saw Pipkin if I was off school sick and although I was too old for it I quite enjoyed it. Now.....

I've always thought there's a link between the stuff we watch as kids and drug misuse, when you watch stuff like this....... the prosecution rests its case m'lud.