BFTD

youse r al welcum to cum stay at mines anyhowse *hic*

Nobody except the utterly minted should be panicking about mortgages at the age of 23. They'll be a thing of the past soon anyway, considering the big housing sell-off has finished and it's all being consolidated into the hands of landlords (as per Maggie's original plan). Work out how much you'd need for a deposit by the time you're 30 and start putting money towards it every month. Then, when you're 30 and the average price for a one-bedroom flat in Perth is £250,000, use the money to drink yourself to death

"Your mother knits socks for sale, Karras!"

Well done, son. Remember not to stand up when asked.

This is unravelling at an alarming speed. Clearly I didn't think this tattoo through. Although, a forehead tattoo is unlikely to be the most unnerving thing about me, TBH.

I was assuming too much about the inherent goodness of humanity, there. I figured everyone would stop you and say, "Oh my God! Did you remember the bacon?!"

Open a P&B account for him; sounds like he's more...our sort of people...

I think we've discovered the first acceptable thing to get tattooed on your forehead.

Ken the feeling Sorry I can't be any help.

Ah, the ITV specials, with the News at Ten shoehorned into the middle. Didn't realise at the time that they were all copies of the prints made for American TV. Check out the TV versions of Scarface and The Exorcist, if possible. Fucking hilarious.

That was (is?) the stupid rule that the MPAA came up with for PG-13 certificates in the States. The BBFC might be a bunch of spare p***ks, but I don't think you can pin that one on them.

Ah right, I remember now; got the feeling I used to know who she was. I think she came after Master Bates, though. <kennethwilliams.gif> ASMR yourself senseless, sunshine

Jesus, my memory. Thanks. Hopefully he does well with the switch to full-time; he certainly seems like he'd be committed enough to give it his best shot. You'd like to think he'd be leaving with all of our best wishes.

That's pretty common these days. Stretched resources 'n' that. I think it helps with people not showing up to longstanding appointments too, which is a big problem for them. Seems to work pretty well at our surgery, so long as you don't mind which doctor you see, but we're pretty lucky in that all of our GPs are good c***s. I've been registered at surgeries before when there was one doctor who was worth seeing, but you'd try and dinghy the others even if you'd just had your leg hacked off. My favourite was the weirdo who would literally yell at everyone for being overweight, no matter the complaint or whether or not they were actually fat. You could hear the mentalist through the walls in the waiting room. He eventually disappeared when it turned out he'd been asking the female patients out on dates. I know this because he apparently gave my mother a lecture about how he'd been told to break off his romantic relationships with patients, and that she was going to have to see one of the other doctors from then on as she'd been one of them. He'd never even propositioned her, but obviously couldn't remember who he'd been seeing

I ken you're not down with the PC lobby, Sarge, but that's no way to refer to your Punjabi escorts. Show some respect.

The boss. "Look Sir! I was on time today, Sir! D.A.F.C.'s been bad, Sir, can I have his shifts please Sir?" I'm sorry to say the only solution is murder. My thoughts are with you.

I forgot to pick up bacon when I did the shopping just now.

When was the last time Meggatt played at centre-back, out of curiosity?

Wid?

I remember that being yon DJ laddie with the hair. Simon Bates, that's the one:

Intro to BT Sport's coverage of tonight's Celtic game, IIRC.

"There is little or no offensive material, apart from four c***s, one clitoris, and a foreskin, and as they only occur in this opening introduction, you are past them now."

I swear you posted the exact same thing a few days ago Either that, or someone else did, which would be wonderfully ironic

You never give me the chance, Sharon! Anyway, off your knees, hunni. The boss has finished up for the day.

Even worse; people who print multiple documents, then go to the printer and pick up the whole stack and take it back to their desk, before throwing anything that isn't theirs in the bin. Usually the boss' pet, naturally.