BFTD

I ducked for cover when I read that, figuring the incoming rage might explode the internet

Lately, I've found myself watching serial killer documentaries on YouTube for tips, and you could have a drinking game about how often the police miss the corpse on the original search of the premises. (under the bath or in the loft seem to be the best places BTW)

So did you snatch their arm off, or did you give it the cool, "I'll let you know" bit?

Got to start small; do a wee bit of what needs done every day and work from there. It all adds up. Alternatively, don't listen to people who are full of advice they're unable to follow themselves

Not up on your young person's lingo, fella. That was your cue to ask, "How's your father?" and away you go. You'd still have been at it now

You may be right, but I wasn't there, so I can't say for sure Seems like the central conceit of a car sitting upside down in the street is true, unless everyone was at the wind-up. Again possible. Sadly happened in the pre-cameraphone era, as I'd refuse to believe that someone wouldn't have taken a picture!

Your glands ache when you have the 'flu, which includes your nads. Note that I said glands, not glans. Throbber's got a cure for that kind of ache. Oh, scrub that last bit, that's my answer too

Explains the sly wee smile, anyways.

...until my next trip to Thailand! (soz, get well soon)

Not sure, they never went past that point in the story. Driver in question didn't work there anymore - not sure if that's connected! Never saw the garage park in the driveway while I was there, though

Dunfermline's changed since I was last through. judging by that picture.

Definitely need to get yourself out of the rut. First step: obtain box set of the American Office!

Christ, and I thought 24-hour Metallica bombardment at Guantanamo was bad enough. Free the Throbbing 1!

Let's be charitable and say that their handbrake's fucked and it rolled back onto the road. Best I've seen was a car parked completely across the sole entryway to a local car park. Absolutely no way for other cars to get in or out. Never seen a traffic warden look so perplexed. Best I've been told about was at a place I worked at years ago. They had a garage next door and apparently the mechanics used to be b*****ds for parking vehicles across our driveway when they had a backlog. Despite being asked nicely, it kept happening. So, after a particularly stressful day, one of our drivers returned to base to find a car blocking his path. He stomped into the garage, only to be told the car would be moved "when we're ready". Said driver comes back out fuming, and angrily tries to tip the car over! The rest of the staff watch him for a minute before thinking "aye, fair enough", and help him get the job done. Everyone then gets finished up and scarpers quick before the mechanics come out and find their customer's car spinning on its roof in the middle of the street

Location: Falkirk Quite restrained IMO. I'm guessing he thought "take it off him and shove it up his arse" might be misconstrued. Good news. Is this a different place to the one you were waiting for clearance to go back to? Sends-saucy-messages-from-his-wife's-phone-type post IMO.

"but I work at John Lewis!"

Not sure; depends whether or not you went to public school, I think. Maybe try his biscuit instead?

I'm absolutely stunned by how pleasant and well-behaved the weans are in Alloa. I see them in the town centre every day, and their behaviour is mind-boggling to me. In a good way. Makes me think that I wasn't imagining it; I did go to school with a bunch of disgusting cuntrags.

Nope, you're screwed. Got to feel for that Hurt Locker bloke.

Not since The Incident, at least.

Nice of Lidl to remind me of my nickname in college school nursery Edit: blimey, who'd have thought that something called Karamell Keks would be so tasty?

I always assumed they were born like that, but you may have a point. Entrance and exit interview videos required for all new recruits, I think. That would be a classic comedy film waiting to be edited together

Dip your cock in his pint when next he tries it. Just to prove him wrong, likes; not just 'cause it feels good.

A language teacher at my school turned up with her skirt inside-out, and you bet your sweet ass that we told her about it She was a horrid old boot, and her response was to scream, "I'M WELL AWARE OF HOW I PUT MY CLOTHES ON, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!" So the lesson was, it's better for folk to think that you're a loony than admit you made a mistake