BFTD

Awesome! ...now I just need a phone

Let me know if you find a solution to that, willya?

Even better; spend ages ferreting around for your glasses, only to realise that you've been wearing them the whole time

Finally finished my World Cup 2010 sticker album yesterday. They're supposed to be nodding. Why aren't my Dynamic Duo nodding?

Fairly certain that, at some point, the output from that machine will read, "PLEASE KILL ME".

Borat - fake Kazakh journalist tours America under the guise of research for his home country. Wow, this wasn't what I was expecting at all. Everything I'd heard was that this was a humorous exercise in encouraging people to reveal their unpleasant views, but there's actually very little of that, and the Americans generally come off fairly well. The film actually comes over as Sacha Baron Cohen taking out revenge against a patriotic Kazakh bigot/PE teacher that humiliated him in school, because most of the film is trying to get laughs from his vicious vision of a real country that few in the West (Cohen included, one suspects) know anything about. For me, most of the funny stuff comes from Borat's interaction with his producer ("f**k off, Death"), who has the most spectacular pair of tits I've ever seen on a man. Also, it's pretty clear that Cohen's vision of Kazakhstan is based on Fife, which is frankly outrageous and the Kingdom has my sympathy for this slur.

Cracking. Love me a bit of Cronenberg. Always happy when he has a good 'un out.

Mind blown by all this train ticket malarkey. Will be spending a bit of time doing research from now on. Is there a website that calculates this stuff for you automatically?

Use the toilets before you hit the pool then, you clarty midden.

Is "swin swim" code for something?

You must have missed the video he sent us:

This has absolutely creased me. Time for bed before I have to wipe my glasses again

It's been said before, but...go to Fife Where do I send the cheque?

Every joke gets old eventually. Except for this picture. And that whole thread, actually.

Tell us you got the first shot, sjc. The idea of sloppy fifths makes me quite queasy

I've got your back, pal - I'll get them all telt

You can tell us, we'll no tell any c**t. Pinky swears!

*sigh* Alright, but I'm not cleaning that mess up again.

No, that would be: ^^^ doesn't golf. The arrows were pointing at me, as an apology for not understanding the game. I was just surprised/annoyed that the First & Prime Ministers were representing Europe. Bunch of fucking amateurs

Quality work, Mr Cutter. Could you make one up for Alloa? Might need to lose a few squares, right enough.

What did you replace the electric company with?

I remember my granny being given a £50 note when she picked up her pension once. We were all absolutely terrified that she was going to lose it somewhere. Decades later and I've still never seen another. Anyway, at no point did she accept it for payment on £500 worth of work. Smart woman, my granny.

I hear Europe won - did he score a goal/try? <<< doesn't golf Cameron was there too? Don't we have any people who golf professionally? Pretty sure the Yanks do.