BFTD

Ain't it just; commiserations. When we bought this place, I worked out that I'd moved house an average of once every eighteen months during my life It doesn't get any more pleasant. They'll be carrying me out of here in a pine box, I tells ya.

A few more hours in the boot and I'm sure she'll be singing from the same hymn sheet.

Gagging on the pump? FFS, where exactly do you fill up? I vaguely remember a film about aliens that drank petrol; is this related?

Whenever you see CCTV footage of people leaving petrol stations without paying, a member of staff usually comes tearing out after the car for some reason. I figure that most people would expect something along those lines and could do without the humiliation.

Twenty year ago you'd have been a social pariah for saying 'wid' tae that. The times they are a-changin'. There's hope for this lassie yet:

He should insist on a tour of Times Square, formerly the sex shop and adult movie theater district, captured often in movies such as Taxi Driver. A few tweets along those lines should cut that shite out.

Incidentally, as I'm disappointed not to have been called a BEAST yet, is there an appropriate way to inform a member of the opposite sex that their underwear is exposed? I used to work with a lassie who usually wore low-slung trousers, and the view was quite embarrassing whenever she loaded the dishwasher in the kitchen. I never knew if I should say anything, but after a while I overheard a female staff member tipping her the wink, and she sounded mortified. Felt a bit bad that I hadn't found a way of mentioning it beforehand. I guess I could've left an anonymous Post-It on her desk, but that might've been worse - "WE'VE ALL SEEN YOUR PANTS"

You're a bad, bad man ...but I like you

Entering into the whole theme of mad rapeyness, it annoys me when you get the "ugh, pervert" look from people (for I assume men may do this too) when they catch you reading the paragraph of text that they have emblazoned on their shirt. What's that all about?

Ah, OK. It always sounded to me like the speaker was saying that they liked gazing at themselves in the mirror. And in fairness to DAFC, his point was that nobody was perving, but they were being made to feel like perverts anyway, I think.

Certainly not agreeing with DAFC's post, but what exactly does this mean? You hear this a lot, but I've no idea. Always seems like something that would be said if you were being accused of wearing unflattering, albeit comfortable clothes, but it's generally said when someone's being accused of dressing sluttily, or in an unpractical manner.

In that order, Father?

Judging by the job I did yesterday, I wouldn't trust me to wipe your arse after the bathroom's finished

*shrug* Whatever it suits you to believe.

Devil's Due - film about a group of satanic superheroes who impregnate incredibly annoying women with Satan's sperm and Yep, it's Rosemary's Baby, only found-footage and with very little going for it. Peculiarly uninteresting and quite dull.

By 'eck. Hopefully it all goes well. Got some work through this way if you get bored

Just spent the day doing some light plumbing in the bathroom - I have new respect for plumbers, you guys don't overcharge at all. The money's deserved for the hassle and nasty shit you have to work with alone.

Jesus, thanks for introducing me to that depressing concept The lassie in question was gay, so no literal "working under"

What part do you have a problem with?

You'd have to ask her. I'd guess that she considered it a dig against her, however, considering that she was a Northern Irish Catholic.

Think it's 8 innings, then they keep going if it's a tie. It can go on all fucking night until someone has the lead when an inning ends. Someone told me about a game they'd been to that was still going at 3am.

Can't think of anyone I've worked with who's made bigoted remarks, TBH. There was one dick who insisted on having The Sash as his ringtone, but the boss kicked his arse sharpish without input from anyone else. Wait, no - I had a young girl working under me once who had a thing against "pakis". Apparently they were all lying thieves, and seemed to be from most of Asia, from what I gathered. We had a wee chat about how that wasn't an acceptable term to use, which she seemed genuinely surprised about, and I never heard it again. Also mentioned that it's not fair to group people in that manner, which she seemed pretty receptive to. Probably said I was a w**k when I was gone, but we got on well. She was young and quite naive in some ways. Sort of related, and freaked me out majorly for a bit - I did some work at an after-school playgroup for Primary kids, and a lot of the young'uns referred to black people as niggers. Worked out after a while that they'd picked it up from rap music, which they all seemed pretty keen on, especially Tupac. Having listened to the word being thrown around by predominantly black artists, they'd just decided that was what black people were called, without any of the negative connotations. Wasn't my place to go sermonising to the weans, but it was obvious that an authority figure would have to have a conversation about appropriate terminology at some point.

The wife took me to an Arizona Diamondbacks game during their World Series winning season. I caught on to the basics fairly quickly, but I've never seen such a lack of atmosphere at a sporting event. Imagine a full house at Old Trafford with the entire crowd chatting to each other and paying no attention to the game. Utterly bizarre. Sometimes goes on past midnight on weekdays too - absolutely mental behaviour. That, and the seventh-inning stretch terrified me. Everyone, now is the pre-scheduled time when we stand up and sing, like we are having a good time! She got tickets for the World Series decider too, but I sent her off with a friend - me going would've been a massive waste.

Cabin Fever 3: Patient Zero - after another outbreak of everybody's favourite flesh-eating virus, a lone survivor is quarantined on an island in the Dominican Republic, as it's believed that he is immune (and also a carrier). The arrival of a small stag party to the island causes some problems for all concerned. The most remarkable thing about this series is how a decent idea has been pissed away. This doesn't feel much like a sequel to the previous two; the annoying attempts at kooky humour are gone (barring one stupid zombie dildo deathmatch), but have just been replaced by more gore. The quarantine storyline doesn't go far, so we're left with the group of revellers, who (unsurprisingly) fall apart in the predictable and suspense-free manner. There's an attempt at a big reveal at the end, which would surprise no-one, and feels as tired as everything else. Would've been improved greatly by Sean Astin putting on that terrible Farmer Giles accent from the Hobbit films IMO.

The Conjuring - another horror movie from Blumhouse Productions, makers of Sinister and Insidious. A large family arrives in a new home, only to find mysterious ghostly happenings occurring during the night. They enlist a famed psychic and exorcist team to help. You'll know what to expect from this if you've seen any of Blumhouse's other films - it has a similar feel, and is above average for the genre, However... Occasionally possession movies have the slight feel that they might be funded (or, at least, encouraged) by the Catholic Church, considering that the fear of such nonsense can't do their bank balances any harm. However, this is an adaption of a 'true story' presented by a couple of supernatural charlatans, one of who is still alive and profiting from their lifetime of taking advantage of the credulous. Considering that the couple are lionised throughout the movie, I couldn't get that out of my head while watching, and my enjoyment suffered as a result. YMMV.