BFTD

I hadn't realised quite how ugly our team is Ben Gordon though

You on your steam-powered laptop, Mozza?

Dunno, but it sounds interesting - thanks! Will watch and let you know.

Teletext was quality. The videprinter on the BBC's website just isn't the same. What's your favourite match day teletext substitute, P&B?

Someone should get this printed on a fucking T-shirt.

This. The slack-jawed yokels will invariably give you the stink-eye for daring to look in their general vicinity. I'd like to crush their skulls with my bare hands for their utterly self-absorbed and aggressive idiocy.

When I find it, I'll post a gif. If you manage to give yourself a hand shandy watching that, a prize is surely in order. A place on the register, for one thing

Is that why we do it? I thought it was just a light-hearted way to call someone a bar steward without the harsh confrontational edge. You b*****d!

Didn't he like doing unspeakable things to middle-aged women's bumholes? (uhh...spoiler, I guess)

#1 - I genuinely don't know if this was a traumatic dream or not. #2 - It was a pretty decent film, and (IIRC) was supposedly based on a true story, which was fairly mind-melting as a kid. #3 - It looked fucking mental! You'd need to have seen it to understand.

The amount of hair that sprouts from everywhere when you hit middle-age. After years of denial, I just had to shave my own back for the first time. Two days later and I'm like King Kong all over again

Alright, I give in. Is this a reference to the Old Firm? If so, agreed.

Forgive me if there's already a thread like this, but I couldn't see one. Post your half-remembered scenes & storylines from films & shows that you can't remember (or never knew) the name of. Hopefully your P&B siblings can help out! Here's a few to start: Number 1: I remember flicking over to BBC2 late at night about 25 years ago, and there was some Eastern European film on. The scene was of some randy fat housewife with huge droopy knockers, and she was trying to get a wee boy to suck on her pendulous nipples, but he had no idea what she wanted. Don't remember much about it apart from that - I'd like to know what it was so I can confirm it wan't a dream/horrible repressed memory Number 2: Another late-night BBC2 Eastern European offering - I think it was maybe Polish or East German. Some random woman is kidnapped off the street by (what appears to be) the secret police and is interrogated, including death threats and (I think) a bit of rape too. She had no idea what they wanted, and they wouldn't tell her. After years of this, they pretend they're finally going to execute her, and bundle her through a door to where they're presumably going to do the deed. Instead, she's back out on the street in front of a faceless building, and they slam the door closed, leaving her alone with not a clue what happened. Finally Number 3: RandomGuy posted a gif of a guy having his insides ripped out through his bumhole, but the bassa wouldn't tell what it was from It was removed, so that's no help. I've established it isn't from Zombie Holocaust, but I'm stumped now. Ideas? Cheers folks!

. Funny to think that there are kids who'll think that must be a game about fighting pandas or some such I have a wee roster of games that I keep going back to when I get a spare half-hour. All are very, very recommended: Plants vs Zombies Skyrim Fallout 3 Atom Zombie Smasher Doom: the Roguelike Also, Space Hulk. NOT the recently-released official game, or the old Amiga version, but this shareware game by Teardown Software of Sweden: http://youtu.be/VDCmD05j4YM Probably looks pants to most, but it's heaven to anyone that played the board game. Sadly, they got the inevitable cease-and-desist letter from the Games Workshop, and had to alter a lot of stuff, like changing the name to Alien Assault.

I've tried playing that twice - once when new, and again about a year ago. I just can't get into it. The whole thing's so shrill, and very much of the sudden-jump-scare school of horror, which gets really fucking annoying after a while. Doom 3 did the same thing better, and it was annoying to play as well. And the camera...Jesus, the camera

I remember playing a bit of that back when it was new - not bad, and played around with a few ideas that were novel at the time. Main problem was that it was all about running round shooting Things, which wasn't exactly what fans of the film would want. That, and the game would show you a cutscene every time you went near a room with Things in, which warned you about them and told you where they were. Weird choice; kinda killed a lot of the suspense.

Tesis - Spanish film about a film student searching for violent movies to help with her final paper. When her college professor dies, she discovers what appears to be a snuff movie in his possession, and sets out to investigate its provenance. That probably makes the film sound a lot more interesting than it actually is; Tesis is a fairly dull whodunnit with a very small selection of characters to choose from. Could just be me, but one had villain written all over them from their first scene. It doesn't really feel like there's enough going on in the running time, so I found it difficult to stay interested. Curiously unengaging.

There's an actual Weatherspoon in Alloa town centre now, about halfway between the Star and the Thistle, in part of the old Co-Op building. It's called the Bobbing John, a name popular with history buffs and lovers of innuendo. Fnarr.

No wonder we're all out of Europe. Sack the SPFL!

I genuinely don't think that heavy smokers realise how grotty their stuff becomes. I used to recycle old computer equipment, and picking stuff up from smokers homes was horrible. Monitors covered in a thick layer of browny-yellow nicotine grease that would rub off on your clothes and leave you feeling ill all day

We bought a used sofa in excellent condition years ago. Next day, the wife finds a shite-streaked pair of women's knickers stuffed down the side of the cushions She turns to me and says, "are these yours?"

Oculus - When a young man is released from long-term psychiatric care, he has to deal with his sister's insistence that their parents died at the hands of a mysterious haunted mirror. This has a similar feel to other Blumhouse movies such as Insidious and Sinister, and is quite nicely effective for the most part. It builds well towards the inevitable confrontation via a series of flashbacks that show the family's story, while the sister attempts to awaken her brother's memory in the present day. Unfortunately, while it seems to be going somewhere interesting, the final third meshes both storylines with no surprises, and the film ends in possibly the most predictable way imaginable. Bit of a wasted opportunity, as it was really quite good until then. The Purge: Anarchy - the annual night of legal crime arrives again, and various groups of people find themselves under siege. They must work together to survive, and will also discover that The Purge isn't quite what it seems. This is a slightly improved sequel, which is probably at its strongest in the build-up, as the outbreak of violence can't possibly match the fear of it beforehand. It does feel a little tired towards the end, as there are plot elements that seem very familiar (from films like the Hostel series, for example), and the whole thing does come across as an illogical comic book now and then. The plot strays into a bit of socio-economic analysis at times in an attempt to add depth, which is a terrible idea when your whole concept is ludicrous to begin with. I don't know that it was particularly worth seeing in the cinema, but certainly worth renting if you enjoyed the first film. Why is everyone so obsessed with murder anyway? Surely there'd be a lot more looting going on than killing. And the hackers would have a field...err, night. I'd wager that there'd be a lot more consequence-free rape going on too. Not to mention the jaywalking!

Also, buying items from heavy smokers. Like having someone fart in your face when you open the box.

Wrong type of attention-seeking bullshit?

Gives you blisters pretty quick, in my experience.