BFTD

Open Grave - when an amnesiac regains consciousness in a mass burial pit, he must work with a team of other memory loss sufferers to establish what's happened, and whether or not he's responsible for the pile of bodies he awoke with. This was a pleasant surprise, and is a film worth seeing without knowing too much about the plot. Suffice to say that the story develops into something quite different to the original premise, and is far more interesting than the cliched synopsis might imply. Nice to see a horror story that tries to keep the audience thinking without stretching credulity too far.

Frost - A team of Arctic researchers mysteriously disappear in the field, leaving one member behind to establish what's happened, along with her recently-arrived boyfriend. Icelandic found-footage drama that attempts to go down the route of explaining very little, but unfortunately forgets to make the journey to the lack-of-explanation interesting. Lots of annoying handheld camera jiggling in this one, and it does a dreadful line in camera 'overloading' effects when something scary/eventful is supposed to be happening. The end result is a couple of people with malfunctioning equipment wandering around in the snow to little end.

Possession - after her husband and brother-in-law are involved in a head-on collision, a woman is stunned when her husband appears to have been transported into his brother's body. An alternative synopsis for this would be: a woman attempts to justify acting on her nascent desires for her douchebag brother-in-law after her simpering, saccharine husband ends up in a coma. This is overly sentimental tripe, but mildly amusing when you see through the supposed storyline to what's going on underneath, which must be way more obvious than they'd planned. Also, there must be a million films called Possession, or The Possession - I keep finding new ones. Must be a scunner if you're trying to have a conversation about one of them.

Not irrational, in fairness.

The voices. Do you not hear them?

Ain't it just; commiserations. When we bought this place, I worked out that I'd moved house an average of once every eighteen months during my life It doesn't get any more pleasant. They'll be carrying me out of here in a pine box, I tells ya.

A few more hours in the boot and I'm sure she'll be singing from the same hymn sheet.

Gagging on the pump? FFS, where exactly do you fill up? I vaguely remember a film about aliens that drank petrol; is this related?

Whenever you see CCTV footage of people leaving petrol stations without paying, a member of staff usually comes tearing out after the car for some reason. I figure that most people would expect something along those lines and could do without the humiliation.

Twenty year ago you'd have been a social pariah for saying 'wid' tae that. The times they are a-changin'. There's hope for this lassie yet:

He should insist on a tour of Times Square, formerly the sex shop and adult movie theater district, captured often in movies such as Taxi Driver. A few tweets along those lines should cut that shite out.

Incidentally, as I'm disappointed not to have been called a BEAST yet, is there an appropriate way to inform a member of the opposite sex that their underwear is exposed? I used to work with a lassie who usually wore low-slung trousers, and the view was quite embarrassing whenever she loaded the dishwasher in the kitchen. I never knew if I should say anything, but after a while I overheard a female staff member tipping her the wink, and she sounded mortified. Felt a bit bad that I hadn't found a way of mentioning it beforehand. I guess I could've left an anonymous Post-It on her desk, but that might've been worse - "WE'VE ALL SEEN YOUR PANTS"

You're a bad, bad man ...but I like you

Entering into the whole theme of mad rapeyness, it annoys me when you get the "ugh, pervert" look from people (for I assume men may do this too) when they catch you reading the paragraph of text that they have emblazoned on their shirt. What's that all about?

Ah, OK. It always sounded to me like the speaker was saying that they liked gazing at themselves in the mirror. And in fairness to DAFC, his point was that nobody was perving, but they were being made to feel like perverts anyway, I think.

Certainly not agreeing with DAFC's post, but what exactly does this mean? You hear this a lot, but I've no idea. Always seems like something that would be said if you were being accused of wearing unflattering, albeit comfortable clothes, but it's generally said when someone's being accused of dressing sluttily, or in an unpractical manner.

In that order, Father?

Judging by the job I did yesterday, I wouldn't trust me to wipe your arse after the bathroom's finished

*shrug* Whatever it suits you to believe.

Devil's Due - film about a group of satanic superheroes who impregnate incredibly annoying women with Satan's sperm and Yep, it's Rosemary's Baby, only found-footage and with very little going for it. Peculiarly uninteresting and quite dull.

By 'eck. Hopefully it all goes well. Got some work through this way if you get bored

Just spent the day doing some light plumbing in the bathroom - I have new respect for plumbers, you guys don't overcharge at all. The money's deserved for the hassle and nasty shit you have to work with alone.

Jesus, thanks for introducing me to that depressing concept The lassie in question was gay, so no literal "working under"

What part do you have a problem with?

You'd have to ask her. I'd guess that she considered it a dig against her, however, considering that she was a Northern Irish Catholic.