BFTD

Work servers that randomly stop responding to network requests. No, I wasn't busy at all; please, take your time

Fair enough, but don't chase them up, for Christ's sake. It's not your job.

Sounds like it'd be to the benefit of your mental health to stop inviting them to things. Seems to me like they enjoy having their wee GIRUY moments, so don't give them the opportunity.

You're arranging your own 30th birthday party? Presumably you've already left them one message; leave it at that. They obviously don't give a f**k.

Just just had to do it, didn't you? *sigh*...back to 1234 it is, then.

Used to work with a laddie who did a tremendously smug "you look upset"-type grin while he slowly ate his roll in these situations. Always made sure to throw half away too. The seethe was palpable. Top boy.

One of the c***s is currently sending a snide email to the management to complain about the horrible smell in the office. Expect a new office diktat regarding food consumption imminently.

Might work better if they sent the real thing TBH.

Ooh, that's shady as anything. Invoking the spirit of the fabled BOGOF to gain interest in a substandard 'deal'? For shame. I'll be keeping my money for BLOGGO's famous deals on computer software at the market.

That's the nightmare. I feel your pain. Best scenario, assuming you don't fancy a full upgrade: buy another board that's the exact same model, and you'll probably get away with a straight replacement without having to reinstall Windows and everything else. My worst case scenario was when the power supply went, taking the motherboard, CPU and RAM with it. All the poor wee thing could do was beep pathetically at me until I'd gradually replaced everything. How old's the board, BTW? Check with the manufacturer, as you might be able to send it back for a replacement. I think some of the parts in my current machine are covered for up to 7 years.

"Goddammit Jack!" Loving the moron's father so far. Edit: "Look what you've done to that beautiful shirt!" (pause) "And your eyes!"

Not sure if this is widespread, but I've just seen BOGOF deals referred to as BOGO on a US website. Hoping this isn't another 'could care less' style mistranslation by people who don't think about what they're saying. Buy One, Get One? Fucking cracking deal, that

In fairness to them, it's the only route to higher education for a lot of folks. Met a lot of people who you'd never expect to have been in the armed forces in a million years, and they only were to try and avoid the minimum wage, zero healthcare nightmare (unsuccessfully, in some cases). That, and the recruiters go all out to minimise the potential chances of being involved in armed conflict. Silly, I know, but it's amazing what desperate folk will rationalise to themselves.

One of my favourite directors, but fair play, I'm not that big of a fan.

Proves you'd be in with a chance, at least.

Fair point, but if you were going to make up a Spice Girl threesome, would you make it with Mels B & C? Plus, Scary really wasn't all that and a bag of chips until she turned into a stripper IMO.

Job titles like that might have given the game away a wee bit. Frankly, I'd have applied for either of those jobs. Keeper of the War Donkeys? Minted

You sure? She had a threesome with Mel C and David Baddiel. Just let that sink in.

I don't think anyone could've guessed exactly how shite that channel would be for the first few years of its existence. So cheap that they must have spunked everything on the Spice Girls. (like many a young lad of the time)

Last time I was unemployed, you could always tell the Army jobs at the Jobcentre because they were the only ones that sounded decent, and they made absolutely no reference to the Armed Forces whatsoever. The advisors didn't even bother mentioning it when you went up with your wee pile of printouts; they'd just chuck the Army ones straight in the bin

I guess I'm used to having flimsy internal doors. Pretty sure one punch would've got you through the balsa-wood-type door that we had in the last flat.

I never realised how easy it is to get into locked public toilet stalls until the wife ended up in a wheelchair. I'd grapple her onto the disabled lavvy before leaving to give her some privacy, locking the door with my fingernail after I left. Life has never been the same. Try it next time the gloryhole's occupied and you're bored

Political correctness gone MAAAAAAD, no doubt Haven't seen this laddie's stuff, but he must be an utter cock of the highest order for nobody here to have white-knighted for him yet.

There's a horror movie in that somewhere. Wait...your missus got some bloke to boot the door in? And you didn't do this yourself because...?

Slightly worried about you now. I assume you got into someone's pants for enduring that.