BFTD

Shopped IMO. I can tell from some of the pixels and from seeing quite a few shops in my time.

What field are you looking in?

Anyone been ill lately? Been feeling flu-ey for the past two weeks, on and off; was curled up on the couch yesterday shivering like a dug on Bonfire Night. Not sure what's going on. Bit depressed about it, so I'm not sure if this is some kind of psychosomatic hypochondria thing f**k it, off to The Recs anyway. I'll try to time any huey for Livingston's inevitable chance from a corner.

Old but shite gold; I forgot to post this wee report on the Development League game against the Binos from Monday the 27th of October for the 0 people that are interested. Apologies if I've got any player names wrong; my eyesight isn't what it used to be, and both the club and the SPFL have been no help in getting hold of team sheets Tonight at the DrilldoDome, a highly respectable crowd of 50-100 souls saw Alloa's reserves dismiss a confused Stirling Albion side 6-1 in the Development League. Stirling started well, with the ball finding its way past Mikey Couser in the Alloa goal, before being cleared from the goalmouth. The away side were clearly motivated, and effectively harrried the Alloa players in possession, probably having the better of the play in the first twenty minutes. Despite this, Alloa managed a goal around five minutes into the game, Michael Hardie curling a lovely shot inside the far post from the opposite corner of the penalty area. Hardie's moment of brilliance clearly didn't faze the opposition, with plenty of deadly long passes finding their way to Stirling's forward runners, who were causing Alloa's defence all sorts of problems, albeit with little in the way of clear chances to show for it. It seemed only a matter of time before Stirling scored, and some patient play from their #7 when holding the ball up was rewarded with a penalty when his feet were caught. #3 tucked the ball away to Causer's bottom-left corner, sending the keeper the wrong way in the process. Stirling's good work continued, with Alloa forced to use a more physical, but fair approach to combat the quick attacks from the visitors' forward line. The approach began to pay off after half an hour, when a chance for Nathan Moore was blocked by the diving Stirling keeper, only for Scott Hynd to finish into the waiting net. The second goal seemed to awaken the tiger in Alloa, and it wasn't long before Michael Hardie was on the scoresheet again. Some swift passing across the field opened up a space in the centre, and Hardie lashed in a thunderous drive from fully 25 yards. Almost immediately from the restart, Scott Hynd attacked a short cross with a diving header that flashed across the goalmouth, fizzing just wide of the near post. Alloa were rampant by this point, with the problems posed by Stirling early on being handled comfortably. Not long before half-time, the scoring finished when Scott Hynd latched onto the kind of long through ball that the Stirling forwards had been unable to score from; Hynd, however, took the ball on and finished across the keeper from inside the box. The second period began comfortably for both teams, with the only incident of note being a yellow card for Stirling's #8 after a poor challenge on Nathan Moore. The resulting free-kick from 30 yards warmed the keeper's hands, but was tipped wide. Stirling brought on their #16 to replace #9, but Alloa began to dominate again, before David Weatherston made it five for the Wasps on the hour mark, a decent volley squirming under the keeper's body, much to his vocal chagrin. Just to rub salt into the wound, immediately afterwards Stirling had a consolation goal ruled out for offside after the ball was forced in from a throw. Another couple of substitutions for Stirling (#14 & #15 on for #8 & #11) made little difference to the performance, and it wasn't long before Adam Ashgar topped off a night of cracking goals with a 20-yard scorcher into the bottom-right corner. With twenty minutes still to play, and Alloa players beginning to line up to take shots, Stirling had every right to be worried. However, the Binos managed a mini-revival, with Couser called into action on a couple of occasions immediately after, including a solid save from a Stirling free-kick in the centre of the park. That was to be the last hurrah, however, and Alloa kept the pressure on in the hunt for further goals. Nathan Moore had earned himself a break by the time he was taken off for #16, and the final ten minutes passed comfortably without much in the way of goalmouth danger for either side. Stirling's reserves must be left slightly bemused by their mauling tonight, considering that they displayed more energy and invention for the first quarter of the game. Alloa will no doubt want to work on their passing, which did go awry regularly throughout the game, but were absolutely irresistible when they finally imposed themselves on the match.

Are you spreading this out over six years, or are you The Doctor?

Sakes. This could have been written by my wife, word for word Keep an eye on the younger cousin from now on; the wife's one never recovered properly, and isn't in contact with any of the family anymore. Presumably because he blames the rest of the family for not doing more. I have no advice on how to feel, sadly. Take care

See you down the PantoMine, darlings! xxx

Ooft; sair yin for wee Ally. Hardly seems fair, depleted squad n' aw rat. http://alloaathletic.co.uk/BlogView.aspx?pageid=2&ItemID=1144&mid=2

Twice a year; quality entertainment for the auld yins, there. Jesus. Why the hell have they shaved him like a poodle?

Wid, despite apparently being some kind of smoke demon.

Leave them alone, they're just after their hole. It's not like the neighbours come chapping round your bit when the fleet's in, is it?

The sash my father sawed. Jesus, that's chronic, even by my standards.

I'm guessing that was the first step to becoming a bad person in the first place.

People who leave their trolleys draped sideways across the aisle while they dither over which brand of haemorrhoid cream would feel better stuffed up their jacksie. I've found that their trolley does not work as a substitute.

Morgues across Glasgow would be lost without the annual Ibrox Kafflic roast

Have a good bonfire night, everyone. Try to stay safe, and not burn any more Catholics than absolutely necessary

Took a pleasant day trip to Gartnavel Hospital; particularly enjoyed the interesting aromas, such as vomit and dug shite. Hospital didn't smell great either.

Who would be considered the Sausage King of P&B?

Is it Caroline Quentin that does the voiceover for the new Dyson Hot & Cool adverts? I swear she's deliberately managed to sneak in a reference to "the new Dyson fanny eater". Like the episode of Inspector Morse where Martin Clunes calls Morse, "Cheese Inspector".

So it was YOU that jobbied in our living room! That rug really held the room together.

True enough. Once again, I can but shake my head in bemusement.

Aye, I quite liked that one too. I'm easy pleased with the whole believability of found footage movies because the entire concept is ludicrous to me, so I'm happy to go along with the rest of it. Seriously, who sees something horrific (and possibly life-threatening) happen and reaches for the camera?

Easy lads. I'm sure this can be settled by the filming of a new found-footage horror movie, preferably involving a chainsaw duel.

As a non-coffee drinker, I'm learning so much today. What coffee do you drink?

I'll be the first to wish you well in your new relationship; hopefully I'm wrong and she won't run off with all of your money. If the worst happens, I wouldn't go more expensive though; get yourself a nice wee durty who'll make you something cheap and nasty that'll rock your socks off