BFTD

I liked it better than you, mainly because of the cast, but I know exactly what you mean. It amazed me that Planet Terror got pelters when the whole Grindhouse thing came out, but Death Proof got some plaudits. You'd swear that Tarantino could film himself taking a shit and some folk would hail it as a masterpiece.

No, it's rotten. Who decided that randomly dropping Ray Winstone into films is a good idea? I've no problems with the man in suitable roles, but he's miscast so badly sometimes that you get the impression that somebody's taking the piss. It's like trying to turn Kenneth Williams into an action hero. (which I'd totally have paid to see, BTW)

It's on my To Watch list, purely because it was scored by Mike Patton of Faith No More/Mr Bungle fame, and he asked me to check it out back when I used to use Facebook. Yes, it was a personal request. In my head

All very true. All of which makes it utterly hilarious for people who enjoy bad films. The original's one of those films that had absolutely no need for a sequel anyway. And I'm guessing Connery and Lambert agreed because CHA-CHING! AWOOGA SPONDOOLICKS YEE-HAA! Certainly sounds interesting. I should probably buy them all anyway. The wife's a massive Highlander fan, and she's never forgiven me for selling an Argentinian Highlander Blu-Ray box set that I managed to get hold of. Hey, it was worth a small fortune, and we didn't even have a Blu-Ray player!

The second is a very different type of treat Is the third really worth seeing? I remember renting it about twenty years ago, only to fall asleep during an interminable fight scene in Superman's Fortress of Solitude (or somethng). Might give it another go if the consensus is that it's worthwhile.

Not that I've noticed. Wait a minute...does that mean that I'm...?

I need to start cooking again. The wean won't eat anything I make, and the wife will eat any old shite, so it seems like a pointless waste of time

I took a trip to Glasgow a few days ago, and it was genuinely the first time I didn't hear the word "******" mentioned. Not sure if the filter's gonna kick in for that one. Between that and the referendum vote, I don't know what to think Edit: alright, a round of guess-the-slur it is.

He didn't say if the sock was empty or not

Just don't do it when you're replying to my posts, Throbs. I don't feel we're ready for that level of intimacy.

This: http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/29967403 Sick of seeing news stories about famous people being "trolled" on the internet. Human beings are c***s, and act like c***s on the internet. Everybody has to deal with this on a daily basis, and it's not news when it happens to some celebrity. Doesn't help that this is a case of people making jokes in poor taste, none of which would seem out of place on P&B. You monsters

Fair enough, but this just in from the Clackmannanshire School of Pedantry - chronologically, he was Zed first

My gran caught me wanking over the lingerie section of a catalogue when I was 10. She tried to hold a conversation with me about something else, which is difficult to do when your wee boner is flapping around. Hours later, I was horrified to overhear her angrily telling my mum that she needed to do something about my behaviour. With the benefit of hindsight, I love my mum for her answer of, "Why? He's fine, leave him alone" Also for not saying anything when she discovered my porn stash in my wardrobe years later

Try painting naked lassies, you might feel a bit different. Also, post your results.

Oh, my mother was appalling for that. In her defence, I assume it's because home computers were a new technology, and she didn't realise it was rude. But people who grew up in the computer age have no excuse and need their eyes stabbed out.

Your own fault for staying in Fife TBH.

At least things are looking up.

Blimey. Regional programming sounds much more interesting in the north. Is this show available on the STV Player?

They look at you like you should be able to turn off the rain. Which is flattering, but still...

More like hypochonrebola. You're all safe

Frankenstein's Army - as the Soviet army tidies up the remains of the German WWII troops, a platoon stumble upon a distress signal from their own soldiers, and discover the nightmarish attempts to create an undead Nazi army. There are a lot of Zombie Nazi movies around these days, but this is a wee bit different, setting out to fill the screen with the most freakishly bizarre creatures that you could imagine. There are a few questionable creative choices (even for a found-footage movie, it doesn't do a very good job of convincing the viewer that the filming would actually continue, and it might have worked better in Russian with subtitles rather than English with dodgy accents), but the film works well enough as a freakshow to hold interest. Later on, things get so ridiculous that it works as a decent comedy, and there's (possibly) a little surprise too, although a bit more plot wouldn't hurt. It's a ridiculous (and entertaining) comic book, with creatures that could easily be conceived by Clive Barker. Definitely worth a look when you're in the mood for a little OTT insanity.

Willow Creek - a young couple venture out into the woods in search of the legendary Bigfoot. This was directed and written by Zed from Police Academy, whose films I've been meaning to check out for a while, purely because...Zed? Directing films? In fairness, he's been getting good write-ups so far, but I made a bad choice to start with. You'll be shocked to read that this is a found-footage film, but a particularly poor one. Most of the running time is spent exploring the deteriorating relationship between the leads, who seem blissfully unaware of their incompatibility, as they travel towards the site of the famous Bigfoot footage recorded by a couple of scammers loggers back in the '60s. The male has decided to make his own Bigfoot documentary, dragging his incredulous girlfriend along for the ride. Most of this footage is spent travelling and interviewing locals to the area, some of whom are mysteriously hostile, but it's all a little dull and would only be justified by a good second half. Sadly, that doesn't happen. The couple's time in the woods seems to openly ape The Blair Witch Project, and is dominated by a looooong sequence in a tent, and some uneven acting. There are few chills (or even scares) to be had, and it finishes on a note that recalls an earlier scene in the film, which I didn't even pick up on because I was so bored by that point. This movie is 77 minutes long. The film has a score on Rotten Tomatoes that appears mystifyingly high, until you read some of the reviews, many of whose writers appear to be big fans of Zed and regard found-footage horror in the same way that you'd consider a month-old mouldy tomato found at the back of your fridge. Zed's other films may well be genius, but this has an excusable poverty of ideas for someone considered an imaginative filmmaker.

The Borderlands - the Catholic Church sends a small team of investigators to a church in the West Country after reports of paranormal activity. For the found-footage genre, this wasn't bad at all. There's little else to be said about the plot without spoilers, but it's nicely told and the details of the ending certainly wouldn't be guessed in advance. Gordon Kennedy makes a decent turn as one of the investigators; had never seen him in a straight role before, but would like to again. Pretty essential viewing if you like these type of films. Thanks to NewDomDom for the tip.

I quite liked Wolverine: Origins Was never a fan of the X-Men; don't know if that makes a difference. Just found it a fairly entertaining action film.

It never rains but it pours.