Raith Against The Machine

Fantastic reading from last night. I can't wait to tune into next week's instalment of "Kilt and Women With Strange Names".

I'm disappointed that Petr Cech has never "done" anything with his ol' headgear. Stick some floppy rabbit ears on at Easter or something, you boring brain damaged p***k!

Not glass collecting. It's really terrible work, but if you can find it then take it. Don't expect to enjoy yourself though. Kitty's definitely take on people under 18 to do it, but I would be surprised if they were taking any more on.

You should be on Channel 4. You > Hollyoaks.

I'm getting seriously bored with filling out application forms. There's only so many lies you can make up about giving excellent customer service before words stop looking like words any more. When have I handled "cash"? What's "cash"? Is that a word? It doesn't look like one. cash cash cash cash cash cash cash cash cash cash cash cash cash cash cash cash That's not a word. It's just letters, it doesn't mean anything.

She's thick. Employ me. I'm from Fife, so I've got extra fingers to count on. EDIT: I'm not coming up to Aberdeen, relocate your business. It may seem extravagant, but I'm not going to lose you £10112.88 every Monday.

Phrased that wrongly, meant that you've felt you have to apologise, or even that you want to. To be honest, in general I'm against moving threads all over the place, but when there's four or five on the go at once, they're taking up a decent amount of space.

It would appear Reina has had to apologise for something she did that was perfectly correct. A thread called "The Old Firm Mafia Game", subtitled "The Game Thread", should be nowhere other than the Gaming forum.

Merlin was my first thought too. All old wizardy magic types have long flowing white beards.

Just realised that in a job application form, I put down "United Kingdom" as my answer for "County" with regards to my address. Probably not going to get that job.

I have a new favourite FanTalk post from this week. I know they call it the Silly Season, but some things are just ridiculous beyond belief. "I presume it would be an all-ticket game like usual, I wonder if BBC Scotland would be prepared to show a 1st round match live for fans who can't get to the game, it is a Fife derby." Yes, definitely, BBC Scotland are going to shift River City out the way to put on East Fife v Raith Rovers, because about 40 of you without season tickets can't get to the game.

How does this sort of thing work? Presumably it's not just the one surgeon working away for all that time? Do they swap surgeons at some point, or do they get to a point where the patient is fairly stable and the surgeon can go and take a break? I'm really quite interested. My PTTGOYN, the book "Angels and Demons". I wasn't expecting a literary classic, but it's not actually that bad. My problem with it is that it ends on a crude sex joke. There's just no need for it.

Kwai Chang Caine has died

You, fafc18canteen and VikingTon should get together and form a friend's club, keeping each other company without taking the piss or excluding anyone from social events.

I've chewed through the bottom of two pens since I started filling in this application form. I'm probably not a great candidate. It's also taking a large amount of willpower to not describe myself in 5 words as "Intelligent, Handsome, Athletic, Sexy and Modest."

Pah. I'm trying to print out two 7 page job application forms, and my printer is wheezing away like a geriatric old man. It's on its arse, and the print-outs look ridiculous. I wouldn't hire anyone with as shoddy looking an application form as this.

I prefer the Live Show, to be honest.

This is loosely related. People who say "Mum" and "Dad" instead of "my Mum" or "my Dad." "Dad gave me a lift earlier." He's not my Dad. He's your Dad. It's acceptable for siblings to talk in this manner to one another, but not people who aren't family.

I can imagine how you reacted. You can't ask a hairdresser what "layers" are, in the same way you can't go "Which ones that?" when a mechanic tells you the carburettor is fecked. It's such a mundane term to professionals that you feel stupid not knowing what it is, even though there's no real reason why you should. The question that always got me at the barber's was "Do you want the fringe off or not?" Does it cost less if I keep the fringe? Won't that look absolutely fucking ridiculous?

I've got another idea. Record yourself singing a love song (I suggest "Hello", by Lionel Richie), stick it on your mp3 player and then plug her headphones into your iPod next time she's using them. Girls love that shizzle.

I think "wotsit" is actually the worst poster on that forum (which is a fecking achievement). It scares me that I'm in the same stand as him for 2 hours every other Saturday.

Fantastic stuff. "I wondered where he went." "Clyde." "Yeh, I know that now." Because he just told you!?

Is anyone else following the wonderful musings of "chopper" on FanTalk?

QUIETAAA?

You da man!