Raith Against The Machine

I think they should tell everyone that they might need surgery, because it worked for me too. "That was a bad dislocation, if there's any more pain or discomfort I want you back in for surgery." "IT'S FINE DOC, HONEST!" No pain since. Except, I can't sleep with one arm above my head, but that's not really a massive hindrance in everyday life.

No, it's genuinely two birds, of the winged variety

There seems to be two or more birds right above my window either fighting, shagging, or staging a rave. It's fantastically annoying. I'm trying to watch Big Bang Theory damnit!

It's just not on. I've got to get three things in a row here. Two of them are bees, and the others a honey pot. When I was scratching it off, the top of the honey pot looked like wings. I'm not having it.

Thought I'd won £600 on a scratch-card earlier, just for a split second. Stupid minus temperatures

He's taken his reputation as a lovely, sensible poster, and punted it into the sea.

I'm still reeling from STV's decision not to broadcast live coverage from last year's Fife Cup tomorrow night.

The cross dressing comedian? My PTTGOYN - I was at the worst house party ever last night. It was like that Family Guy where Buzz Killington turns up, except it was at Buzz Killington's house.

Any ideas on a replacement, yet?

That Mondeo just too powerful for you then?

:angry: For some reason, PaddyPower.com didn't take my bets. I wouldn't have made much money, only about a fiver or something, but still, that's two pints Fucking Irish. Cerium finished fifth at 100-1! Robbing b*****d

My money's on Big Fella Thanks. I've also got some pennies scattered about the outsiders.

It doesn't start til quarter past 4

P&B has gone mental. It's telling me that the post above this one was posted at 15:40 today today. That's the future! What's the Rovers score, TS?

Paul.

Girls Aloud make perfectly fine music.

And if you do it in the next 45 minutes, and they're outraged, you can shout "April Fools!" and try not to look utterly crestfallen.

Hiya Livingston squad! *Waves to the Livingston squad*

I think my girlfriend still believes I support a team called "Raith Fucking Rovers" which is pronounced with a face like this -> Marianne has been to one (ONE!) game of football in her entire life. She got free tickets to a Dunfermline-Celtic game through one of her pals who sort of knows Shaun Maloney. Final score? 7-0. Seven b*****d nil! I'm at every home game, and most away games, and it's a turgid procession of 1-0s, 1-1s and scud all draws - I don't think I've ever seen the Rovers win by more than 3!

I don't mean this to be one of these "I'M NOT A RACIST YOU PAKI" posts, but it might look that way. I can't see what's offensive, in the slightest, about this joke. Is there something that I'm missing? Surely it's just a play on the name Mahatma...?

I've been throwing a ball of blu-tac about my room the last couple of days, just for no real reason, but I just threw it into the air and it came down quite close to my face, and as I went to catch it, I scratched myself right across the face. Bloody worse than yesterday, when I bounced it off a shelf and then my own napper. What's wrong with me? Not only that I'm stupid enough to have done it, I'm now telling you lot!

Just tried to open a P&Boo and it crashed Firefox straight away. I had loads of tabs open for cases relevant to the law essay that I'm writing, and they've all reset to the homepage Can't be bothered finding them agaaaaaaaaaaain.

I think I just sent a text that says "OH Smithy I want your BABIES" to my girlfriend. That'll take an explanation or two when she gets in from work.

Apparently, today's the day we're supposed to vote for the President of the Student Union. The unbearably smug current President is running for re-election, and he's got the whole Uni decked out like the bloody Third Reich, with his face and his name stuck to or hanging from every conceivable object in every public space. I don't have any idea what his policies or anything are, other than some bollocks about relocating the computers while they're renovating the library, which sounds far too similar to lebensraum for my liking...