Raith Against The Machine

Minutes applauses. Deid folk = silence. Injured folk = applause.

Its been a fairly long time to sort out and my sense of humour is waning... It was partially rejuvenated by the letter they sent me this morning, though. "Hurry! You need a licence! Your test pass certificate expires soon!" September 12th, 2010.

The DVLA are arsing me about I passed my test in September, and my examiner took my provisional licence from me, saying she'd fill out the application for the full licence and send it away, and I'd get my licence in, at most, 6 weeks. Didn't hear anything back for 2 months, so I phoned the DVLA and was told that yes, they were told I'd passed my test, but hadn't received an application for a full licence. So I went down to the Post Office and filled out an application form, and sent it off. Now they've written back and told me that I need to return my provisional before I can get a full licence. I don't have it! My driving examiner took it! Fecking bitch

Pigs in knickers!

I think I might be dyslexic. In absolute honesty, I read and re-read that as "I have had a fire engine in my car." I was pondering whether or not that was possible when Long John Silver's reply made it clear

Went into the William Wallace at Causewayhead earlier, hoping for a repeat of the Old Man's Pub atmosphere of Tuesday night. Sadly, X Factor was on, and I managed to escape shortly before the karaoke started! Pint was crap too I just want a shite, empty pub to go to

Your erection? Wear a blindfold

I had to leave the pub, and subsequently run for the bus, when Joleon Lescott equalised for Everton. It's not bloody fair that Villa scored a winner

It's already been stolen by my girlfriend, for sleeping in. Well, I'll have my £3 back then, you cheeky bitch Oh, and before anyone tries to be clever, it's far far too big on her too!

Going out tonight and it's "School Disco" themed. I had to buy a shirt yesterday in Tesco, and I just picked the first one I saw, didn't have time to stand about wondering about collar sizes. I didn't realise Tesco made Pavarotti's shirts. S'fucking huge!

It was more my toes I was worried about. I've never driven without being able to feel my feet before - a bizarre sensation.

Clyde Til We Die, parrot-keeper. A man barely alive. Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the capability to build the world's first bionic man. Clyde Til We Die will be that man. Better than he was before. Better, stronger, faster. Costs a bomb, though.

Ooh ooh, I'm in that Management class too! I've had 3 2Bs and a 3B for the tutorial answers, but no word on the Assignment yet. Have to say, I preferred the Marketing fella's lectures to Ol' Mr Butts'.

I don't think Methil's that bad, I've seen places a lot worse. I was quite amused when I spotted Wall Street, though. Financial district, it ain't.

You walk through Oakley and all the curtains start twitching, as the locals gaze in wonder at your symmetrical facial features, and even number of digits.

I think its in Alloa where there's two or three roundabouts that have been turned into a one way system, the sign for it looks bloody weird, half roundabouts stuck together.

I was in on Monday and it was a quid a drink, think I'll be back for some more of that The toilets are weird as f**k though... I really don't need to see 4000 reflections of myself taking a slash.

Dusk? Which isn't baws, by the way...

You're definitely much closer to Boruc than that other bloke

It really isn't. Was it you who also offered the "lookalike" for Renton? Not even close...

To truly see the worst of a town, you have to go to the Bus Station. Bus Stations are the epicentre of the Jakescum earthquake.

Took me just as long to get from Dunfermline to Dalgety Bay on the bus, as it did from Stirling to Dunfermline. Bloody buses taking obscure routes via places where no humans live

Your 1000th post on this thread, Salty. You watch too many films.

Cobra Bite - Lemongrass. It tastes alright, but it comes in a box so you can't see that its tiny wee 250ml bottles.

Just drove back from Stirling, and the last three tracks that played were Aqualung by Jethro Tull, Free Bird by Lynyrd Skynyrd, and Thin Lizzy's Whiskey in the Jar. B)