Pregnancy And Parenting

[senorsoupe]

5 hours ago, velo army said:

I'm genuinely curious as to why you're not adopting from Canada's no doubt large pool of unwanted children. It just sounds more trouble with more issues down the line.

 

We initially wanted to, but we actually didn't qualify to adopt domestically for a variety of reasons, including the fact that we rent and aren't homeowners and one aspect of my wife's health.  The things that disqualified us in Canada were not an issue for Ukraine or Bulgaria so we proceeded that way. 

 

5 hours ago, velo army said:

The bit in bold doesnt really sit well for me, and is more a criticism of the system than of you and senorinasoup.

It seems potentially very cruel on the child if you guys decide they aren't for you. Surely any issues with said bambino/bambina would be disclosed well in advance. It just sounds like it has the potential to reaffirm to the child the message received by the initial abandonment if it is rejected a second time.

I think I misspoke or didn't phrase that well.  We have indeed received all of the dossier and will be discussing it with our adoption social worker before we go to see if there are any things that we are missing when we read and evaluated the report ourselves. As of right now the child is not aware that there is a potential match but they are aware that they are in the registry to be adopted internationally (and are OK with it).  The child is of an age where they are able to make a decision on their own so that is more of whether or not they decide they don't like us than if we don't like them.  We are 100% committed and would have no intention of not keeping them even if things come up down the line.  My wife is a professional in mental health and disability so we are well prepared on that front.

 

1 hour ago, velo army said:

It's not just the system. There's a whole culture around adoption that encourages a Disneyfied Pollyana-esque view of the whole thing. It's a trauma for the kid, but it's unique among childhood trauma in that it's one for which they're expected to be grateful. 

When adopting people should beware of well behaved and immediately well adapted children. Their survival was threatened once through relinquishment and separation so they've internalised the message that they should be good for these new people so that they don't get abandoned again. Given what we now know about attachment theory especially in how early disruptions impact adaptive behaviour prospective adopters should welcome "difficult" children as they're exhibiting the behaviours that the "good" children repress. 

Anyone adopting should read "The Primal Wound" and go into this with their eyes wide open.

I don't know how it works in the UK, but in Canada you need to take courses and be evaluated by social workers before you can be approved to adopt (domestically and internationally).   These courses are specifically designed to teach you about the trauma associated with adoption and evaluate your readiness to handle these situations and it's not an automatic pass.  We have also been in contact with people who were adopted, people who have adopted children, and have attended seminars and read a lot of books about adoption and the stories of adopted people. 

In short, we are well aware of the difficulties of this transition and are prepared for the more difficult behaviour that is likely to be involved as they transition. 

Edited March 29 by senorsoupe

[velo army]

10 minutes ago, senorsoupe said:

We initially wanted to, but we actually didn't qualify to adopt domestically for a variety of reasons, including the fact that we rent and aren't homeowners and one aspect of my wife's health.  The things that disqualified us in Canada were not an issue for Ukraine or Bulgaria so we proceeded that way. 

 

I think I misspoke or didn't phrase that well.  We have indeed received all of the dossier and will be discussing it with our adoption social worker before we go to see if there are any things that we are missing when we read and evaluated the report ourselves. As of right now the child is not aware that there is a potential match but they are aware that they are in the registry to be adopted internationally (and are OK with it).  The child is of an age where they are able to make a decision on their own so that is more of whether or not they decide they don't like us than if we don't like them.  We are 100% committed and would have no intention of not keeping them even if things come up down the line.  My wife is a professional in mental health and disability so we are well prepared on that front.

 

I don't know how it works in the UK, but in Canada you need to take courses and be evaluated by social workers before you can be approved to adopt (domestically and internationally).   These courses are specifically designed to teach you about the trauma associated with adoption and evaluate your readiness to handle these situations and it's not an automatic pass.  We have also been in contact with people who were adopted, people who have adopted children, and have attended seminars and read a lot of books about adoption and the stories of adopted people. 

In short, we are well aware of the difficulties of this transition and are prepared for the more difficult behaviour that is likely to be involved as they transition. 

That's really great to hear and I'm glad things are clearly more advanced where you are. I wish you guys all the very best. 

[senorsoupe]

11 minutes ago, velo army said:

That's really great to hear and I'm glad things are clearly more advanced where you are. I wish you guys all the very best. 

Thank you, we are under no illusions that this will be easy, but we have been preparing for a while so we believe we are ready.  Although you can never truly be ready for everything but we have a good network and a good support system

[Lex]

Second one arrived last month, little girl this time. All doing great but we are deep in the two under two trenches at the moment. Both of them in nappies so it’s regular trips to the dump as the wheelie bins just can’t cope with the sheer volume.  Still, it’s good fun and I am sure we will get a full nights sleep at some point in the not too distant future… 

[Jacksgranda]

1 hour ago, Lex said:

Second one arrived last month, little girl this time. All doing great but we are deep in the two under two trenches at the moment. Both of them in nappies so it’s regular trips to the dump as the wheelie bins just can’t cope with the sheer volume.  Still, it’s good fun and I am sure we will get a full nights sleep at some point in the not too distant future… 

Congratulations!

Children     311

Lex                +1  (2)

Total:         312

 

Total babies = 355

[Florentine_Pogen]

1 hour ago, velo army said:

That's really great to hear and I'm glad things are clearly more advanced where you are. I wish you guys all the very best. 

I'd like to second velo's best wishes.

Hope everything works out for the enlarged Soup Family.

[mathematics]

6 hours ago, Lex said:

Both of them in nappies so it’s regular trips to the dump as the wheelie bins just can’t cope with the sheer volume.  

A few weeks into my son’s life and the binmen decided not to empty the bin, which was full to the brim with shite [literally] . The lack of sleep and that incident had me looking for doors to kick down. I’d never been so angry at such a seemingly minor issue.

[SlipperyP]

Sons end of year exam results yesterday.

389 out of 400

10 exams 40 question each. Information technology was his downfall.

Still No1 in his school.

Not bad for shite 6 months he's had.  very proud Mum and Dad. 

Edited March 30 by SlipperyP

[Jacksgranda]

13 year old grandson's away out on his first date! 

[stimpy]

Our 9yo suffers from cyclical vomiting syndrome and every few months she'll vomit (always at night) then can't stop by herself. It happened Monday past and the at half ten at night and we phoned NHS 24 right away and they were saying to us it would be a 4am appointment in Dundee (I'm in Brechin) or wait longer for a home visit. So we settled in for a long night planning to leave at 3am for kingscross. With the wee one exhausted and bringing up brown sludge the phone went just before 2am. The doctor got through the other calls earlier than expected so was on his way and she had her anti sickness jab by 3am and we all got to bed. 

The Doctor said they were mental busy with the usual weekend build up being exasperated by the bank holiday. It was the same Doctor we saw in September when it happened last. He asked how we felt about administering the medication ourselves. I didn't know we could have it and give our bairn an injection but he said we could just ask our GP and then there'd be no more late night drives to Dundee.

Gonna take care of it soon. 

[Jacksgranda]

15 minutes ago, stimpy said:

Our 9yo suffers from cyclical vomiting syndrome and every few months she'll vomit (always at night) then can't stop by herself. It happened Monday past and the at half ten at night and we phoned NHS 24 right away and they were saying to us it would be a 4am appointment in Dundee (I'm in Brechin) or wait longer for a home visit. So we settled in for a long night planning to leave at 3am for kingscross. With the wee one exhausted and bringing up brown sludge the phone went just before 2am. The doctor got through the other calls earlier than expected so was on his way and she had her anti sickness jab by 3am and we all got to bed. 

The Doctor said they were mental busy with the usual weekend build up being exasperated by the bank holiday. It was the same Doctor we saw in September when it happened last. He asked how we felt about administering the medication ourselves. I didn't know we could have it and give our bairn an injection but he said we could just ask our GP and then there'd be no more late night drives to Dundee.

Gonna take care of it soon. 

That sounds good.

[scottsdad]

4 hours ago, Jacksgranda said:

13 year old grandson's away out on his first date! 

At what age can his Granda call him "Shagger"?

[mathematics]

On 03/04/2024 at 19:19, stimpy said:

Our 9yo suffers from cyclical vomiting syndrome

f**k me, that sounds horrendous.

[stimpy]

1 hour ago, mathematics said:

f**k me, that sounds horrendous.

Basically once she starts she can't stop. It goes food, water, bile, brown stuff. It knocks the shit out of her and she needs medical intervention to stop. There's no known cause and we just kinda have to wait and hope she grows out of it. Our doctor is looking into us getting the medicine and some training to administer it. Can't say I'm looking forward to it but it'll make the incidents stop at the first vomit which will be awesome. 

[stimpy]

On 03/04/2024 at 19:35, Jacksgranda said:

That sounds good.

It's gonna lift a lot of stress from everyone 

[PrestersKTID]

The wee man (5 1/2 months now) has decided to start squawking and screeching like a pterodactyl whenever he's particularly buzzing.  Sometimes for an hour at a time. 

It's louder than any greeting he's done. Hopefully just a phase? ha Any ways of chilling him out or should i just invest in earplugs?  

[RandomGuy.]

20 hours ago, PrestersKTID said:

The wee man (5 1/2 months now) has decided to start squawking and screeching like a pterodactyl whenever he's particularly buzzing.  Sometimes for an hour at a time. 

It's louder than any greeting he's done. Hopefully just a phase? ha Any ways of chilling him out or should i just invest in earplugs?  

Join in IMO.

[thistledo]

On 29/03/2024 at 20:30, mathematics said:

A few weeks into my son’s life and the binmen decided not to empty the bin, which was full to the brim with shite [literally] . The lack of sleep and that incident had me looking for doors to kick down. I’d never been so angry at such a seemingly minor issue.

Reminds me of a time when my first kid was about 4 months and basically decided not to sleep during the day as well as still needing up to feed at nights so we were fucked and some utter bellend mobile tyre fitter parked his van across my driveway, with flashing lights on and outside shouting shortly after I'd just gotten the her to sleep and subsequently woke her. To say I had a go at him probably puts it mildly and I was no doubt overreacting, but f**k me man sleep deprivation and a crying child will change you. 

[FK1Bairn]

Couple of stories about my wee fella over the last month or so that shows he's growing too quick;

Got married to his class girlfriend at school before the Easter holidays

He was among thousands of Falkirk fans on Links Park and knows all the words to a number of the songs

Away on a caravan holiday in the first week of the Easter holidays and he took himself away to the grassy play area which had two sets of goals and played football with other kids. Up to about xmas time he would have wanted his mum or I to take him over and wait

He was doing Goalkeeping coaching through Falkirk Community Foundation since November but for a number of reasons - lack of coaches mainly - that all seems to be stopping. This week he has joined a local football team as a goalkeeper, gone to 1 training session and played his first ever match tonight. Very proud parent tonight

[velo army]

12 hours ago, FK1Bairn said:

Couple of stories about my wee fella over the last month or so that shows he's growing too quick;

Got married to his class girlfriend at school before the Easter holidays

He was among thousands of Falkirk fans on Links Park and knows all the words to a number of the songs

Away on a caravan holiday in the first week of the Easter holidays and he took himself away to the grassy play area which had two sets of goals and played football with other kids. Up to about xmas time he would have wanted his mum or I to take him over and wait

He was doing Goalkeeping coaching through Falkirk Community Foundation since November but for a number of reasons - lack of coaches mainly - that all seems to be stopping. This week he has joined a local football team as a goalkeeper, gone to 1 training session and played his first ever match tonight. Very proud parent tonight

Not initially knowing that this was a fake school wedding really made its mark on how I read the rest .