Things you want to share with P&B

[Boostin' Kev]

Big shot on the east coast.

[Boostin' Kev]

 

[Mark Connolly]

Dee Dee's greatest P&B moment

 

On 07/12/2013 at 22:35, Dee Dee said:

Maccy D's in Chatham

After a heavy nights drinking we, five of us decided, to rid ourselves of our hangovers by having some junk food and then having a couple of pints on a lovely hot, but not sticky, summers day in the South East of England, Kent to be exact.

On arrival to McDonalds we realised the place was packed, but being the recipients of the finest training in the world we quickly secured a place to enjoy our , much needed, Maccy D's. We were sharing a two table booth affair with a young boy and his grandparents, who were also tucking into their McDs with great enthusiasm, I dont think they had been out the night before as I hadn't seen them, but I digress and it's irrelevant.

My friend Cammy was a strange fellow, in my opinion, due to his preference to mayo instead of ketchup on his cheeseburgers. Hence, he was always last to get his fatties. This would be his undoing on this occasion. Heh heh heh.

The hungry weary quartet, myself included, had almost finished the refueling process as Cammy, eventually, made his way through the hungry throngs and approached the booth where we were sat. Unbeknown to him evil forces were at work. Tummy Tetris, various shapes of trapped wind slotting in to place in Dee Dees gut, was in full swing due to last night booze.

PERFECTION! Just as Cammy sat down I stealthily cocked my leg and gave a wee push, didn't want push too hard and follow through. In all fairness I was expecting a one cheeker at most. Definitely not, what can only be described as a hippo roaring through a traffic cone, but a bit more bass about it, that was let loose.

SCENES! I swear I had just unleashed the mother of all bakewell tarts, in that, time seemed to stop still for a split second. Not before I blurted out a "CAMMY, Theres folk eating eh". Not too quick as to arouse suspicion and with enough conviction as to leave no doubt it was he and not I that unleashed such a unearthly sound. I had, not wanting to toot my own horn here, played a blinder. The young lad had now curled up on the the hard plastic bench in fits of laughter, as had I and the other three lads. The rest of the restaurant was now a mixture of reactions some laughter, some disapproving looks and I even, through the fits I was going through, heard some guy comment " OK now that's working, lets try the lights". Grandfather was less than impressed, he must of felt it reverberating through the hard plastic seating and he now sure as f**k smelt the toxic mixture of last nights booze and kebab combo wafting through air, and with his wife, literally carried his tear stained and heavily guffawing grandson out of the restaurant, to the sounds of Cammys loud protestations of innocence "It wasnae me. It wasnae me".

 

[mizfit]

I'm Currently wondering if Div will just whack VT with the banhammer instead of continuing the argument after all the squabbling in the St Mirren relegation express thread.

[Zen Archer (Raconteur)]

18 minutes ago, mizfit said:

I'm Currently wondering if Div will just whack VT with the banhammer instead of continuing the argument after all the squabbling in the St Mirren relegation express thread.

The way he's haunting the St Mirren forum, you just know that the family have fucked off to the in-laws and he's wallowing in the hot tub, swigging from his second bottle of Jack and giving no fucks.

[accies1874]

I'm pished.

[Tony Ferrino]

26 minutes ago, accies1874 said:

I'm pished.

James Bond impressions are for another thread, another Friday.

[MONKMAN]

About an hour ago driving home I stumbled across a white Mercedes sprinter van on its side, blocking a country road, just outside Dumfries. There was debris all over the place; trees, hedges and smashed up white van scattered all over the road. There was also guy stuck inside the van, booting f**k out the windscreen in his attempt to get out. Another vehicle had pulled up, and the occupants of this vehicle were trying to reassure the guy that he'd be okay while I phoned emergency services.

Whilst on the phone, the guy managed to free himself from the cabin via a now kicked in windscreen. He stumbled about for a bit, looking a bit worse for wear. Then the fucker legged it up the road out of nowhere. A minute or two later in the distance, another car pulled up he got in and it tore off. I'm assuming he was pissed.

As a result, I've then had to spend the best part of an hour, having small talk with the other 2 passers by, while waiting on the police and giving statements etc as they informed me I wasn't allowed to leave.

It was fucking freezing as well and the police were in no hurry when they arrived.

[Miguel Sanchez]

15 minutes ago, MONKMAN said:

About an hour ago driving home I stumbled across a white Mercedes sprinter van on its side, blocking a country road, just outside Dumfries. There was debris all over the place; trees, hedges and smashed up white van scattered all over the road. There was also guy stuck inside the van, booting f**k out the windscreen in his attempt to get out. Another vehicle had pulled up, and the occupants of this vehicle were trying to reassure the guy that he'd be okay while I phoned emergency services.

Whilst on the phone, the guy managed to free himself from the cabin via a now kicked in windscreen. He stumbled about for a bit, looking a bit worse for wear. Then the fucker legged it up the road out of nowhere. A minute or two later in the distance, another car pulled up he got in and it tore off. I'm assuming he was pissed.

As a result, I've then had to spend the best part of an hour, having small talk with the other 2 passers by, while waiting on the police and giving statements etc as they informed me I wasn't allowed to leave.

It was fucking freezing as well and the police were in no hurry when they arrived.

Recant this story to the Stephen Port thread. I think it would be good value in there.

[sjc]

3 minutes ago, Miguel Sanchez said:

Recant this story to the Stephen Port thread. I think it would be good value in there.

Ayrmad and Honest_Man would love that......

[Miguel Sanchez]

6 minutes ago, sjc said:

Ayrmad and Honest_Man would love that......

Yes. That is why I suggested it.

[1320Lichtie]

It's 2:30am. My alarm goes off at 7am. I feel your pain. f**k my life.

I don't have to be in work for any time and just a 10 minute walk away too. Up at 8.50 this morning and in work for 9.20. Home for 5. I don't know if I love if or hate it because I have absolutely zero routine. In work as early as 7 or as late as 10 and away home as early as 2 or as late as 8.

All over the place.

[sjc]

Currently watching Speilbergs first movie, Duel....Still a good watch.

[Swarley]

Iceland vs Iceland

I'd bet on the axe wielding, ice fishing mentalists over the fish-finger stackers personally

https://www.mfa.is/news-and-publications/legal-actions-over-the-use-of-the-word-iceland

I hope the shop win and the country is forced to change their name. Just for laughs.

[Bert Raccoon]

5 hours ago, 8MileBU said:

I'm the same when I'm not on-site. No set hours as such and can suit myself within reason on office days or can work from home. However when you have a kid or kids, breakfast to make, shower, school run to do etc, it's not that simple. As I said before, f**k my life!

ETA: Check your PM.

First you take pics of young mens shoes and now your sending them dick pics.

 

Shame on you.

[Rugster]

7 hours ago, MONKMAN said:

About an hour ago driving home I stumbled across a white Mercedes sprinter van on its side, blocking a country road, just outside Dumfries. There was debris all over the place; trees, hedges and smashed up white van scattered all over the road. There was also guy stuck inside the van, booting f**k out the windscreen in his attempt to get out. Another vehicle had pulled up, and the occupants of this vehicle were trying to reassure the guy that he'd be okay while I phoned emergency services.

Whilst on the phone, the guy managed to free himself from the cabin via a now kicked in windscreen. He stumbled about for a bit, looking a bit worse for wear. Then the fucker legged it up the road out of nowhere. A minute or two later in the distance, another car pulled up he got in and it tore off. I'm assuming he was pissed.

As a result, I've then had to spend the best part of an hour, having small talk with the other 2 passers by, while waiting on the police and giving statements etc as they informed me I wasn't allowed to leave.

It was fucking freezing as well and the police were in no hurry when they arrived.

^^^ grass.

[Bobby Skidmarks]

About an hour ago driving home I stumbled across a white Mercedes sprinter van on its side, blocking a country road, just outside Dumfries. There was debris all over the place; trees, hedges and smashed up white van scattered all over the road. There was also guy stuck inside the van, booting f**k out the windscreen in his attempt to get out. Another vehicle had pulled up, and the occupants of this vehicle were trying to reassure the guy that he'd be okay while I phoned emergency services.

Whilst on the phone, the guy managed to free himself from the cabin via a now kicked in windscreen. He stumbled about for a bit, looking a bit worse for wear. Then the fucker legged it up the road out of nowhere. A minute or two later in the distance, another car pulled up he got in and it tore off. I'm assuming he was pissed.

As a result, I've then had to spend the best part of an hour, having small talk with the other 2 passers by, while waiting on the police and giving statements etc as they informed me I wasn't allowed to leave.

It was fucking freezing as well and the police were in no hurry when they arrived.

Was it a heating engineer van from Stirling?

[Hedgecutter]

My big night out in Glasgow:

Left Aberdeen late yesterday afternoon to see Above & Beyond at the O2 Academy, with a notable delay after the Megabus wheelchair thing broke down (subscribers to PTTGOYN will already know this).

Upon late arrival, I ended up waiting on my mate (in possession of my ticket) who unexpectedly had to stay at his work in Bearsden as some girl needed an ambulance. Meet me at Glasgow Royal A&E was the message, which is where I duly went. Things hit a snag where the ambulance took over an hour to show and my mate's phone decided to die, inside the ambulance. This became problematic as the ambulance decided to go to some hospital by Cumbernauld whilst I spent two hours waiting at Royal A&E.

His other half eventually got in touch via FB, saying to go to theirs outside of Cumbernauld, only for my phone to die en route and me to spend an hour or so trying to find a house I've been to once 5 years ago, in the dark.

Could have got a taxi but I had little idea of where I was going and didn't want to run up a £50 fare whilst working it out, so decided to walk, not quite appreciating that Cumbernauld isn't particularly pedestrian friendly. Over an hour in sub-zero and a few industrial estates at 1am later, I finally and rather impressively find my destination, with my mate not back yet (arrived 10 mins later though, highly apologetic but with a decent whisky selection for me to sample whilst dealing with screaming baby all night, I may have had 3hrs kip, tops).

I write this from a sunny but cold Glasgow Buchanan St Station, awaiting my return chariot to Aberdeen for a half day of work.Back down with mates for the Dons cup final in a couple of days. Yay.

So, in summary: pint followed by trip to A&E and getting lost, rolling in at 2am. Just a typical night out in Glasgow really.

[19QOS19]

That just shows how fucked we are when our mobile's die.

[Dazzle]

7 hours ago, 8MileBU said:

It's 2:30am. My alarm goes off at 7am. I feel your pain. f**k my life.

Was shattered last night, before I went to bed I was awake for about for about 29 of the last 32 hours. Just made up for it with a 9 hour sleep though.