pawpar Posted February 2, 2018 Share Posted February 2, 2018 Was at work discussing how I might go to the Israel v Scotland game later this year. Just happened to mention that Bethlehem was only 10 kilometers from Jerusalem when one dozy cow said I thought Bethlehem was a made up place in heaven. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted February 2, 2018 Share Posted February 2, 2018 21 minutes ago, pawpar said: Was at work discussing how I might go to the Israel v Scotland game later this year. Just happened to mention that Bethlehem was only 10 kilometers from Jerusalem when one dozy cow said I thought Bethlehem was a made up place in heaven. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chomp my root Posted February 2, 2018 Share Posted February 2, 2018 On 26/01/2018 at 00:09, anotherchance said: I told the Mrs ages ago that Jeremy Corbyn was Jeremy Beadle, and he’d decided on a name change so people took him seriously on his new chosen career path. She’s still going about completely under the impression that the leader of the opposition in this country used to offer £250 a pop to folk sending in videos of their dugs doing acrobatics. Apologies if I've posted it before (I enjoy the story) but I told my missus that Bear Grylls has a sister called Racoon and she was buying it until I ruined it by laughing. Another time she started asking me if buffaloes had wings (watching a cooking programme) but saw the look of joy of my pus so didn't finish the question. Still gets cast up from time to time, same as the time when crossing the Forth bridge from the Dalmeny side her asking "where's that road going", it was the pier. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swarley Posted February 2, 2018 Share Posted February 2, 2018 Apologies if I've posted it before (I enjoy the story) but I told my missus that Bear Grylls has a sister called Racoon and she was buying it until I ruined it by laughing. Another time she started asking me if buffaloes had wings (watching a cooking programme) but saw the look of joy of my pus so didn't finish the question. Still gets cast up from time to time, same as the time when crossing the Forth bridge from the Dalmeny side her asking "where's that road going", it was the pier. Should have told her it was the Forth Road Tunnel. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chomp my root Posted February 2, 2018 Share Posted February 2, 2018 11 minutes ago, Swarley said: Should have told her it was the Forth Road Tunnel. God knows what she was thinking, she'd crossed the bridge hundreds of times by then too. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dindeleux Posted February 2, 2018 Share Posted February 2, 2018 God knows what she was thinking, she'd crossed the bridge hundreds of times by then too. They don’t seem to be very observant in the car. I’ve had to nip into my work possibly around 10 times whilst we’ve been together and she’s been in the car. Then I asked her to come meet me at work and she said she couldn’t because she doesn’t know how to get there. It’s very easy to find.This isn’t an isolated incident nor is it work location specific. I’m also sure I’m not the only person on this thread who has a partner who cannot work a satnav. -1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chomp my root Posted February 2, 2018 Share Posted February 2, 2018 38 minutes ago, Dindeleux said: They don’t seem to be very observant in the car. I’ve had to nip into my work possibly around 10 times whilst we’ve been together and she’s been in the car. Then I asked her to come meet me at work and she said she couldn’t because she doesn’t know how to get there. It’s very easy to find. This isn’t an isolated incident nor is it work location specific. I’m also sure I’m not the only person on this thread who has a partner who cannot work a satnav. Sounds about right, Her Majesty has a shocking sense of direction, even in a shopping centre she can wander into a shop then a minute later walk back out and start walking back the direction she's just come from instead of towards the bloody shops she's still to look at. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honest_Man#1 Posted February 2, 2018 Share Posted February 2, 2018 (edited) 1 hour ago, Dindeleux said: They don’t seem to be very observant in the car. I’ve had to nip into my work possibly around 10 times whilst we’ve been together and she’s been in the car. Then I asked her to come meet me at work and she said she couldn’t because she doesn’t know how to get there. It’s very easy to find. This isn’t an isolated incident nor is it work location specific. I’m also sure I’m not the only person on this thread who has a partner who cannot work a satnav. Some of the most frustrating times I’ve had have been when she’s trying to direct me somewhere using google maps. Frequently will tell me to turn left as I’m passing the junction, then get annoyed that I’ve questioned her map reading capabilities. Edited February 2, 2018 by Honest_Man#1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
senorsoupe Posted February 2, 2018 Share Posted February 2, 2018 The missus just now "I thought mayo was vegan cream cheese". 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shotgun Posted February 3, 2018 Share Posted February 3, 2018 7 hours ago, Honest_Man#1 said: Some of the most frustrating times I’ve had have been when she’s trying to direct me somewhere using google maps. Frequently will tell me to turn left as I’m passing the junction, then get annoyed that I’ve questioned her map reading capabilities. The light of my life doesn't understand why I get frustrated when she's directing me through an unfamiliar area with "Hmmm...it says...wait, that can't be right...just a minute...ah, OK...go towards...I think you need to turn left...or right...it should be just...I think you've gone past it...where are we right now?" 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coprolite Posted February 3, 2018 Share Posted February 3, 2018 28 minutes ago, Shotgun said: The light of my life doesn't understand why I get frustrated when she's directing me through an unfamiliar area with "Hmmm...it says...wait, that can't be right...just a minute...ah, OK...go towards...I think you need to turn left...or right...it should be just...I think you've gone past it...where are we right now?" just u turn on the motorway she'll soon learn how to give directions. or you'll both be paraplegics, either way, it won't happen again. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted February 3, 2018 Share Posted February 3, 2018 1 hour ago, senorsoupe said: The missus just now "I thought mayo was vegan cream cheese". Don't correct her, could be handy some time. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whiskychimp Posted February 3, 2018 Share Posted February 3, 2018 Truly awful. Decided it was her lucky night. Watching a film and I thought I'll go down on her. Got her pants off and was about to dive in. Was met with " I've just taken a huge shit" 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The DA Posted February 3, 2018 Share Posted February 3, 2018 5 hours ago, whiskychimp said: Truly awful. Decided it was her lucky night. Watching a film and I thought I'll go down on her. Got her pants off and was about to dive in. Was met with " I've just taken a huge shit" What? While she was sitting there? 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bold Rover Posted February 3, 2018 Share Posted February 3, 2018 7 hours ago, whiskychimp said: Truly awful. Decided it was her lucky night. Watching a film and I thought I'll go down on her. Got her pants off and was about to dive in. Was met with " I've just taken a huge shit" From where had she taken it? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honest_Man#1 Posted February 3, 2018 Share Posted February 3, 2018 7 hours ago, whiskychimp said: Truly awful. Decided it was her lucky night. Watching a film and I thought I'll go down on her. Got her pants off and was about to dive in. Was met with " I've just taken a huge shit" Brutal, but surely even if that was the case (unless it was actually in her pants), she would ace wipes her arse sufficiently that it wasn’t covered in shit? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bold Rover Posted February 3, 2018 Share Posted February 3, 2018 1 minute ago, Honest_Man#1 said: Brutal, but surely even if that was the case (unless it was actually in her pants), she would ace wipes her arse sufficiently that it wasn’t covered in shit? Indeed. There's another thread on here for expert advice on such matters. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honest_Man#1 Posted February 3, 2018 Share Posted February 3, 2018 Just now, Bold Rover said: Indeed. There's another thread on here for expert advice on such matters. If she had wiped with wet wipes, it would be as if she’d just come out of a shower. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted February 3, 2018 Share Posted February 3, 2018 17 hours ago, chomp my root said: Sounds about right, Her Majesty has a shocking sense of direction, even in a shopping centre she can wander into a shop then a minute later walk back out and start walking back the direction she's just come from instead of towards the bloody shops she's still to look at. Your wife only goes into each shop once ? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chomp my root Posted February 3, 2018 Share Posted February 3, 2018 49 minutes ago, Jacksgranda said: Your wife only goes into each shop once ? She has to go in them all once so she knows which ones she HAS to go back to, gradually narrowing it down to (usually) the first fecking shop she was in. Bitches be crazy. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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