WeAreElgin Posted September 3, 2016 Share Posted September 3, 2016 My wife has been on a course of antibiotics recently, the kind that you can't drink without ending up like David Goodwillie.They finished yesterday and she's wanting a bottle of wine tonight. Cue the sickening line:"How long is 48 hours?" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted September 3, 2016 Share Posted September 3, 2016 2 minutes ago, WeAreElgin said: My wife has been on a course of antibiotics recently, the kind that you can't drink without ending up like David Goodwillie. They finished yesterday and she's wanting a bottle of wine tonight. Cue the sickening line: "How long is 48 hours?" Wiki says it's 96 minutes. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted September 4, 2016 Share Posted September 4, 2016 17 hours ago, Shandon Par said: Missus just told me.. She had a rare day with nothing to do yesterday so booked a cinema ticket, got herself a drink, chatted to the folk in Starbucks about the film she was going to watch, showed the usher her ticket.. The usher pointed out her ticket was for 16th September (the release date of the film) and politely told her to gtf. I turned up to Godzilla a week early with the family, with our pre-booked (and dated) tickets in hand. Still no idea how this happened, other than me being a fud. The ticket lassie felt so bad for my entourage that she offered to ask the manager if there was any way we could see the film early, but I dissuaded her from joining me in the pool of humiliation. I paid dearly for my mistake, as I had to sit through Pompeii instead 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted September 4, 2016 Share Posted September 4, 2016 5 hours ago, BigFatTabbyDave said: I turned up to Godzilla a week early with the family, with our pre-booked (and dated) tickets in hand. Still no idea how this happened, other than me being a fud. The ticket lassie felt so bad for my entourage that she offered to ask the manager if there was any way we could see the film early, but I dissuaded her from joining me in the pool of humiliation. I paid dearly for my mistake, as I had to sit through Pompeii instead ^^^ secretly wanted to see Kit Harington prancing about in leather briefs type post. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.Stuart. Posted September 4, 2016 Share Posted September 4, 2016 My fiancé was convinced the film 'calendar girls' was about girls from Callander. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted September 4, 2016 Share Posted September 4, 2016 I wanted to photograph the "ruin" in question but was too flummoxed.. Out for a walk and missus points into a field and asks "what's that ruin?". It was a haystack. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted September 4, 2016 Share Posted September 4, 2016 Just now, Shandon Par said: I wanted to photograph the "ruin" in question but was too flummoxed.. Out for a walk and missus points into a field and asks "what's that ruin?". It was a haystack. You should have told her it once belonged to first and most stupid of the three little pigs. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chomp my root Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 My mates missus was telling about the village fair she'd been at and how the pulled pork burger was "to die for" (I hate that expression) and they even had vinison burgers but she didn't try them because they were "dead dear". When we fell about it took her a while before she realised she'd said "dear" , we still had to explain she'd said "dead deer". Bless her, she got there in the end. Saying that, she's well matched with my mate, he was telling me and mrs Root about his new 'fox leather' computer chair, that's fox spelt faux, he had the decency to look embarrassed. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScottR96 Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 Me and my girlfriend went for a coffee today and we had sat for a minute or so not saying anything. I could see she was deep in thought, then she hit out with "It's weird to think at the end of this month, it'll be October", as if September running into October was a rare occurrence. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted September 12, 2016 Share Posted September 12, 2016 Missus asked me earlier to remind her of the details of a carpet shop we'd been to recently. The name escaped me but I remembered where it was. With a bit of Googling she proudly announced she had found it. "It's M.C. Kissocks!" (it was McKissocks) 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted September 12, 2016 Share Posted September 12, 2016 53 minutes ago, Shandon Par said: Missus asked me earlier to remind her of the details of a carpet shop we'd been to recently. The name escaped me but I remembered where it was. With a bit of Googling she proudly announced she had found it. "It's M.C. Kissocks!" (it was McKissocks) Similarly, my ex once referred to that we'll known rapper, McHammer. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted September 19, 2016 Share Posted September 19, 2016 (edited) In a mighty meeting of the minds yesterday, my mum and my missus met up for some tea and cake etc. Missus relayed a story to me afterwards that my mum has told her. She had been in town when a lady asked her for a bit of help crossing the road. My mum agreed but cautioned the lady "it will be like the blind leading the blind". "Oh are you blind too?" asked the lady, my mum failing to have noticed her white stick at first. Edited September 19, 2016 by Shandon Par 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted September 19, 2016 Share Posted September 19, 2016 (edited) 24 minutes ago, Shandon Par said: In a mighty meeting of the minds yesterday, my mum and my missus met up for some tea and cake etc. Missus relayed a story to me afterwards that my mum has told her. She had been in town when a lady asked her for a bit of help crossing the road. My mum agreed but cautioned the lady "it will be like the blind leading the blind". "Oh are you blind too?" asked the lady, my mum failing to have noticed her white stick at first. A man in this position would lie that he was indeed blind, but had a friend who would help both. Either that or run away. Edited September 19, 2016 by Sergeant Wilson 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alta-pete Posted September 19, 2016 Share Posted September 19, 2016 There's a thread elsewhere on here about private registrations. Being a bit of a dick (but a generous one) I bought one for Mrs A-P. Our cars park on the drive side by side, i reverse in and she drives in so they sort of top and tail. Anyway, paperwork done, plates made up and I'm out fitting the front number plate to her car. Then comes the line:"Eh, how come I don't get yellow plates like yours?" Having been driving for 25 years, she only now knows that front and back number plates are different colours..... Worse still, she relayed the story to her maw over the phone, (who's probably been driving for 50 years) and she refused to believe her. Phone down, she has to go to the garage and check her own car. 5 mins later, she's back on. "Well I never, I never knew that..." 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted September 19, 2016 Share Posted September 19, 2016 26 minutes ago, alta-pete said: There's a thread elsewhere on here about private registrations. Being a bit of a dick (but a generous one) I bought one for Mrs A-P. Our cars park on the drive side by side, i reverse in and she drives in so they sort of top and tail. Anyway, paperwork done, plates made up and I'm out fitting the front number plate to her car. Then comes the line: "Eh, how come I don't get yellow plates like yours?" Having been driving for 25 years, she only now knows that front and back number plates are different colours..... Worse still, she relayed the story to her maw over the phone, (who's probably been driving for 50 years) and she refused to believe her. Phone down, she has to go to the garage and check her own car. 5 mins later, she's back on. "Well I never, I never knew that..." I must be in touch with my feminine side, never noticed that either. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bigmouth Strikes Again Posted September 19, 2016 Share Posted September 19, 2016 1 hour ago, alta-pete said: There's a thread elsewhere on here about private registrations. Being a bit of a dick (but a generous one) I bought one for Mrs A-P. Our cars park on the drive side by side, i reverse in and she drives in so they sort of top and tail. Anyway, paperwork done, plates made up and I'm out fitting the front number plate to her car. Then comes the line: "Eh, how come I don't get yellow plates like yours?" Having been driving for 25 years, she only now knows that front and back number plates are different colours..... Worse still, she relayed the story to her maw over the phone, (who's probably been driving for 50 years) and she refused to believe her. Phone down, she has to go to the garage and check her own car. 5 mins later, she's back on. "Well I never, I never knew that..." Should get a prison sentence for this kind of behaviour. IMO. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted September 19, 2016 Share Posted September 19, 2016 25 minutes ago, Bigmouth Strikes Again said: Should get a prison sentence for this kind of behaviour. IMO. Most license plates in the states are made in prisons. There would be a rich sense of closure in this case. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swarley Posted September 19, 2016 Share Posted September 19, 2016 Most license plates in the states are made in prisons. There would be a rich sense of closure in this case. She needs to be careful when someone asks if she wants front or rear 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chomp my root Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 On 19/09/2016 at 22:56, Swarley said: She needs to be careful when someone asks if she wants front or rear Some narrow minded types do get a bit picky about this kind of thing. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted October 30, 2016 Share Posted October 30, 2016 (edited) Instructed by missus to order a rug for hallway. Got bored looking at all the rugs until I found this sheepdog one. Showed it to missus and she was a bit upset and said "oh no, is that a real sheepdog, I don't want that rug in the house"......... pic in spoiler Spoiler Edited October 30, 2016 by Shandon Par 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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