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What Was The Last Movie You Watched?


Rugster

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Philomena (7/10)

Old woman (Dench) reveals 40 year old secret of the existence of her first child, born in an Irish nunnery and sold. Journalist (Coogan) coming off a scandal helps her investigate what happened to the kid.

Gutting tale based on a true story, cautionary viewing for anyone with a toddler and a liking of gin with their movies.

Edited by banana
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Kingsman: The Secret Service. 6/10

Very enjoyable black comedy spy romp. Excellent cast and lots of laughs for this comic book adaptation. They have done a very decent job of transferring an OK comic to the big screen. The premise is undeniably daft but this is heartily embraced by the cast. Take your brain out to enjoy this one.

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Crazy, Stupid, Love (7/10)

Seems a bit weird giving a romcom the same rating as Philomena, but this was a spirited and thorough treatment where every character played an important role.

Middle-age couple separate for divorce, dude tries to get himself together amid various pulling shenanigans, love triangles/ladders. Separately, the film follows at a young chick's love interest, and another dude who's a handsome, rich playa. All comes together very nicely in a LOLworthy slapstick scene near the end.

Corny as hell in places, but well worth a watch.

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Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Working my way through these with the bairn as she is a bit obsessed with this kind of pish these days. Secret organisation try's to kill Voldemort. Sirius Black gets killed. The end.

5/10

My girl recently recorded/watched all of them when they were on STV every Saturday. I think I saw about 20 minutes of the entire series - send me straight to sleep. Can't beat a good nap on the sofa.

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Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Working my way through these with the bairn as she is a bit obsessed with this kind of pish these days. Secret organisation try's to kill Voldemort. Sirius Black gets killed. The end.

5/10

Spoilering w****r.

Snape blows Dumblydore in the next one - GIRUY :angry:

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Star Wars: Episode 1 The Phantom Menace

Star_Wars_Phantom_Menace_poster.jpg

5/10

It's just so average, very few memorable moments, some of the acting is horrific. None worse than the actress who played Anakin mum. The CGI hasn't dated very well either.

Thank f**k this wasn't the film wasn't the beginning to the saga, otherwise I doubt we'd have gotten the rest

Saying that, I do like McGregor and Neeson.

Edited by Enrico Annoni
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The Salena Incident - group of escaped convicts with their jailer hostages in tow find themselves besieged by aliens in a seemly-abandoned Southwestern town.

Surprised to see that this film is less than ten years old, as it had a real Nineties straight-to-video feel, even down to the full-frame aspect ratio. Cheap as chips and as badly-acted a B-Movie as you'll find, but it just about manages to cross the line into so-bad-it's-good territory. The creatures are even fairly entertaining, switching between S&M monstrosities and the kind of weirdness you might have seen if Jim Henson had done the effects on John Carpenter's version of The Thing. By no means worth seeking out, but if you're up one night and see it's about to start on some godawful cheap movie channel...you could do a lot worse than use it to send you to sleep.

The Amityville Asylum - lassie gets a cleaning job at the titular facility. Boredom ensues.

I presume this isn't actually anything to do with the actual Amityville series that everyone knows and has been bored by, as not even that parade of duffers sank this low. Only one character ever utters the word 'Amityville', and seems to deliberately make the worst pronunciation of it imaginable, possibly to throw the lawyers off the scent.

The story is that the Amityville house has been demolished and someone decided to build an asylum on the site (which was once...all together!...an Ancient Indian Burial Ground, as any fule kno'). The main problem is that the entire film is patently shot in the UK; nobody would be fooled for a second by the locations used, and the actors are all British (briefly including Eileen Daly, who you may remember from those Redemption Video intros on the Bravo channel twenty-five years ago, or for showcasing her appalling blowjob skills in Danish porn All About Anna).

Our heroine is brought in to clean up (literally), and does so by being workshy, whiny and generally unsympathetic. She starts seeing ghosts, and eventually the simple and unsatisfactory plot comes to a close. Not much else to say about it; if you absolutely, positively have to see a film with 'Amityville' in the title and this is the only one available, take a marker pen to your copy of The Shining or something.

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The Final Conflict (or The Omen 3, as most of us will know it as) - been a long time since I've seen this one, as I remember it as being a big disappointment after the first two. It's actually not that bad; it's just that the ending is abrupt and a really shockingly poor climax to a trilogy. Sam Neill is perfect as adult Damien Thorn, and it goes along quite cheerfully as you'd expect from the first two.

The real problem is that the story was originally a series of four books, but Fox apparently shat the bed when the box-office for film #2 wasn't quite as stellar as they'd been hoping; rather than stick with it, they decided to tie everything up in one final film. I don't remember if the final two books of the series were particularly good, but they can't possibly have tied the ending up in a more unsatisfactory fashion than the movie did.

Oh, there's an Omen 4 movie too, which has nothing to do with the others and was made for TV once everyone realised they'd underestimated the series' appeal. It's a big bag of shite that I might need to watch again sometime for shits 'n' giggles :P

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Slow West

8.5/10

Flab-free, tight little Western with a dreamy fairlytale feel. Fassbender is superb as usual and the young lead actor has a slightly androgynous other worldly aura (eg Scarlett Jo in Under The Skin). As you'd expect from a musician making his first feature the soundtrack is excellent.

If you need a quick fix after being scunnered by over-long, over-blown blockbusters this will sort you out.

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Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the clones

Star-Wars-Attack-Clones-II-Poster_53baa2

4/10

Not much difference form episode 1, full of plot holes, and poor dialog.

Thankfully they've toned down Jar Jar

Edited by Enrico Annoni
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Had a few long journeys recently so watched quite a few things.

Assembly 7/10

Chinese film set during and after the Chinese civil war. Some very well done (and very brutal) fight scenes. Suspect the rest of the film lost a bit in translation but still really enjoyed it.

Searching For Sugarman 10/10

Astounding. Jut watch it.

Big Star: Nothing Can Hurt Me 7/10

Interesting look at a band that all my favourite bands were inspired by.

Joe Strummer: The Future Is Unwritten 7/10

Not much to say. Good documentary about an interesting guy.

Waynes World 9/10

The product placement scene is probably my favourite film scene ever.

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Attack of the Clones is easily the worst Star Wars film for me. Ball-achingly boring, and full of embarrassing pish like the whole "C3PO in the robot factory" stuff that spilled over into the big action scene. Not to mention that it's the one where, after years of wondering about the titanic emotional struggle that brought Luke Skywalker's dad to the Dark Side, you find out that Darth Vader was just a selfish, whiny little shit who needed the piss slapped out of him.

God, that was the one with Yoda bouncing around like Mario on crack too, wasn't it? What an abortion of a film. It got off way too lightly compared to The Phantom Menace.

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