Depression

[Brother Blades]

Having a bad situation at work for a year or so now. Since I started and moved from a job that didn’t end well I’ve always tried my best but it seems that it upsets people and when the supervisor changed a few years back it got worse. It’s a stressful place due to problems that our out with our control and we get asked to work constant overtime. Also if you work hard you just get more and more hard projects without training or resources. Twice I’ve asked to get moved off what I was doing and got told if you don’t like it piss off. Then the supervisor and others started making me feel like my job was insecure and playing games yet when it comes to appraisals it’s a different story. I started writing it all down and there’s a clear pattern coming from him and two or three of his pals he sits with at break, others pick up on it but it’s just occasional jibes. When a family member was really ill it started to get to me and I started to feel like I wasn’t enjoying anything anymore having to face that bs eight hours a day.
Its a really weird situation that one minute I’m hearing that my heads going to get chopped off then told I’m in the top two employees in the department.
I discussed it at length with someone who said it sounds like your work ethic and personality is making a few look bad as they have openly admitted they are fleecing overtime to pay the bills. Fair enough but don’t attack me for doing more in five than they do in seven.
Its the second job where I’ve enjoyed it but felt isolated and attacked just for being myself and hard working and conscientious. I know I need to move on but for the last year or so it’s been making me feel shit and so messed up with mixed signals.  Been close to going to hr once but backed out as I don’t really trust, they are there for the company really.
Trying to start to look for something else or training in the new year, it’s a shame because I like the work and what I do but it’s so weird. Maybe just tying to ignore it but almost everyday some drama kicks off or I see unfairness. 
Have been annoying on here recently as well, I’m just raging about it and come on here angry.
 

Work can be so shit, full of cliques etc. Without being too personal, what is it you do?

[D.A.F.C]

Can't really go into it but I agree about hr. Honestly it would be better if I was a total waster to fit in but I can't do that as it's not in my nature. Far too political and broken for me to fix. Moving on has to be the positive thing as on paper everything is rosy.

[101]

On 24/10/2018 at 17:52, KezzaRover said:

Cheers for the replies, everyone. It's greatly appreciated.

Aye, Open University is definitely something I am going to consider should I decide to leave "traditional uni". I definitely think I'm academically capable of getting a good degree when I'm in the right frame of mind, as I was able to get A's throughout my HND (College is a piece of piss compared to University, I know). 

I'm not particularly sure whether I would decide to study full time and keep working at my current part time job, or try to find a decent full time job and study part time when I feel ready to tackle it. I've not really looked into the technicalities of transferring credits over etc, but I imagine that my HND would allow me to enrol at a later stage in the course and save time, as Rowan says. 

Regardless, I reckon that a change of scenery/fresh start can do me good, but I have a meeting with an adviser at Uni on Friday, to assess my options going forward with my mental health in mind. 

Here's to hopefully a brighter future!

Hope the advisor at Uni is a great first step for you!

I didn't have as hard a time as you are having but I left the world of academia at 19 when I decided it really wasn't for me and 3 years later it seems to be going alright so there are plenty options out there for you Kezza! If you even need a chat send me a PM.

[GordonS]

7 hours ago, MixuFixit said:

Doesn't sound like you have a union D.A.F.C in which case absolutely do not go near HR, they'll only act to protect company from you.

Couldn't agree more. I don't think I've ever known anyone who works in HR who wasn't deep-down a dead-eyed shark. They are management in sheep's clothing. Never, ever trust them.

[supermik]

2 hours ago, GordonS said:

Couldn't agree more. I don't think I've ever known anyone who works in HR who wasn't deep-down a dead-eyed shark. They are management in sheep's clothing. Never, ever trust them.

My cousins wife is the head of HR for a mahoosive company. I done a job for him once. She sat at the kitchen table, never said a word to me, just stared at me the whole time. She has never visited his parents in the last 10 years!

[GordonS]

15 hours ago, supermik said:

My cousins wife is the head of HR for a mahoosive company. I done a job for him once. She sat at the kitchen table, never said a word to me, just stared at me the whole time. She has never visited his parents in the last 10 years!

Sounds about right.

[AMMjag]

On 22/10/2018 at 20:43, AMMjag said:

Probably the time off work that left me with nothing to do except overthink things made it infinitely worse. I'm still a bit sad about the whole thing but a day back at work with a pile of stuff to do and seeing friendly faces has helped no end. 

To add to this, my ex has recently started seeing another guy, which I completely accept and can understand as we were both struggling with the break up and needed to try things to be able to help us move on. 

But the biggest comfort for me was still being able to talk to her as a friend since we got on so well on that basis. Since she's started seeing someone else I'm getting the short shrift now which is completely understandable, but it's crushing me. I made a bit of an arse of myself laying all my feelings down on the table to her but I've only backed myself into a corner where I just can't talk to her anymore. I lost regular contact with most of my mates the last year or two as they're all settling down; she was my best friend and it just feels like a massive void as I feel pretty isolated now. 

Have went on a couple of dates myself but just don't have the energy to put the effort into it right now. Only plan I have is to wire in at work and go to the gym and get myself in good shape which is helping me just now, but I'm in constant dread of the day where she moves into a genuine relationship with this guy setting me right back. 

We broke up mutually for all the right reasons and ended on good terms, but I'm left completely alone to deal with all these emotions and can only hope they die down soon. 

Edited November 5, 2018 by AMMjag

[Stellaboz]

Personally, I'd cut all ties with your ex and focus on you, hitting the gym and getting into good routines. Relationships and sex aren't the be all and end all. Single life can be phenomenal if you adjust your mindset.

[SweeperDee]

To add to this, my ex has recently started seeing another guy, which I completely accept and can understand as we were both struggling with the break up and needed to try things to be able to help us move on. 
But the biggest comfort for me was still being able to talk to her as a friend since we got on so well on that basis. Since she's started seeing someone else I'm getting the short shrift now which is completely understandable, but it's crushing me. I made a bit of an arse of myself laying all my feelings down on the table to her but I've only backed myself into a corner where I just can't talk to her anymore. I lost regular contact with most of my mates the last year or two as they're all settling down; she was my best friend and it just feels like a massive void as I feel pretty isolated now. 
Have went on a couple of dates myself but just don't have the energy to put the effort into it right now. Only plan I have is to wire in at work and go to the gym and get myself in good shape which is helping me just now, but I'm in constant dread of the day where she moves into a genuine relationship with this guy setting me right back. 
We broke up mutually for all the right reasons and ended on good terms, but I'm left completely alone to deal with all these emotions and can only hope they die down soon. 

I can only echo what’s just been stated about your ex; try, as hard as I know it is, to clear her out of your mind and your life. Nothing good ever comes from ruminating about them as a person, and what could have been. It can make you feel absolutely sick, but it’s the best for YOU that you need to worry about now.

[Guest JTS98]

6 hours ago, AMMjag said:

To add to this, my ex has recently started seeing another guy, which I completely accept and can understand as we were both struggling with the break up and needed to try things to be able to help us move on. 

But the biggest comfort for me was still being able to talk to her as a friend since we got on so well on that basis. Since she's started seeing someone else I'm getting the short shrift now which is completely understandable, but it's crushing me. I made a bit of an arse of myself laying all my feelings down on the table to her but I've only backed myself into a corner where I just can't talk to her anymore. I lost regular contact with most of my mates the last year or two as they're all settling down; she was my best friend and it just feels like a massive void as I feel pretty isolated now. 

Have went on a couple of dates myself but just don't have the energy to put the effort into it right now. Only plan I have is to wire in at work and go to the gym and get myself in good shape which is helping me just now, but I'm in constant dread of the day where she moves into a genuine relationship with this guy setting me right back. 

We broke up mutually for all the right reasons and ended on good terms, but I'm left completely alone to deal with all these emotions and can only hope they die down soon. 

A sore one, and no mistake.

But the advice others have chucked in already is good. Concentrate on yourself and on things you enjoy.

If you meet someone nice, that's great. But in your situation, I wouldn't be looking for it. Go for a bit of you time instead. You don't have to be seeing someone because she is. Focus on enjoying the things you like doing. In time something will come along.

[Bert Raccoon]

10 hours ago, AMMjag said:

To add to this, my ex has recently started seeing another guy, which I completely accept and can understand as we were both struggling with the break up and needed to try things to be able to help us move on. 

But the biggest comfort for me was still being able to talk to her as a friend since we got on so well on that basis. Since she's started seeing someone else I'm getting the short shrift now which is completely understandable, but it's crushing me. I made a bit of an arse of myself laying all my feelings down on the table to her but I've only backed myself into a corner where I just can't talk to her anymore. I lost regular contact with most of my mates the last year or two as they're all settling down; she was my best friend and it just feels like a massive void as I feel pretty isolated now. 

Have went on a couple of dates myself but just don't have the energy to put the effort into it right now. Only plan I have is to wire in at work and go to the gym and get myself in good shape which is helping me just now, but I'm in constant dread of the day where she moves into a genuine relationship with this guy setting me right back. 

We broke up mutually for all the right reasons and ended on good terms, but I'm left completely alone to deal with all these emotions and can only hope they die down soon. 

I'm in a very similar situation to yourself, I split up with my girlfriend of four years a few months ago and it hurt like hell.  I thought through time we'd end up back together but just had to face that it's over.  I just try to keep busy, doing overtime, going to the gym and spending time with mates at the weekend. I miss her and I probably always will but it gets better. You'll have your good days and bad days but you just have to push through and in time you will be happy again. Best of luck.

Edited November 5, 2018 by Bert Raccoon

[AMMjag]

Cheers lads

[Stellaboz]

We can only do so much for people G Man, even our parents. I dunno how to help I'm afraid, just do what you feel is right and don't let it all get on top of you, you're allowed to still live your own life.

[supermik]

My wife is bipolar gman. It is a friggin nightmare at times trying to keep her on an even keel. Have gone from talk of a second honeymoon in the morning to looking for divorce lawyers in the afternoon. Have had to deal with a couple of suicide attempts from her also. One of the worst traits about bipolar is the utterly reckless spending. I’m not saying that you or your dad (or anybody else for that matter) should follow my example but I find that an easy life comes from just saying yes the majority of the time. The better the mood that I can keep her in the better life is for all of us. She was being treated by a psychiatrist who, just before he retired, turned into a massive tosspot. As she also suffers from ulcerative colitis, she has to take steroids to treat it. These steroids cause a weight gain which just keeps her mood low. She went through a year long special weight loss program and at the end of it she was accepted for a gastric band treatment. She was in the best mood that I had seen her in years then her psychiatrist contacted the surgeons and told them that he didn’t think that the operation was a good idea. They cancelled the procedure and a couple of weeks later the cnut retired without any kind of explanation. She now has a new psychiatrist that she says is ok but we will wait and see. (Its nice that she has a professional to talk to, all I’ve got is a bunch of roughnecks on a football forum)

Sadly with this condition it really is sometimes taking each day as it comes and trying to keep her in as best a mood as you can.

[Dons_1988]

I've had a great 10 weeks or so in terms of my own metal health. 

I've gotten fully focused on physical health and diet and lost a stone and a half in that period and actually feeling really fit, considering signing up for a marathon and everything.

And then the weekend just happened, I haven't totally cut out booze over the last 10 weeks but I've seriously cut back as part of my health kick.  This weekend I had a work do Friday, out on Saturday and the cup final on Sunday, so the heaviest weekend for a long time.

Thankfully I was off yesterday but I felt fucking horrendous.  Not like just a bit hungover, properly screaming into the pillow, crying in the shower awful.  All the old feelings of life being pointless and hating myself were back with a vengeance.  I didn't get a minute's sleep last night either.  I just lay in silence as didn't want the Mrs to know I was back in such a bad place.

I know that I just need to get back into the fitness and health kick and I will get back out of it, but it really was a wake up call to just how much the booze impacts on my head and a reminder to be fucking careful with it.  It really is dangerous stuff if you let it.  It terrified me how quickly and easily I could be back in that state.

[welshbairn]

7 minutes ago, G_Man1985 said:

Can see this bi polar splitting my mum n dad up.
Dad not coping. Mum thinks she is coping but she really isn't. We have a team that comes out m sees her. Thought she was doing well and then all of a sudden it's the worst she has ever been.
Last night she wanted me to book her tickets for some singer/composer Giorgio Moroder.
320 pound it cost for 2 tickets for her n my dad. Thought fair enough will try my best n see if I can get them. Then to find out it's a gift from me for her 65th birthday in January.
I don't have this actual money ( I do I dipped into my savings) however wasn't about the money for me, it was her demand and how she needed to go see this person sing because she got an album bought by an ex lad ( 40 odd years ago ).
She then texts me today saying " oh sorry about last night think I had a panic attack ".

Then this afternoon got 6 missed calls from mum ( was working ) so straight away I'm thinking this can't be good, to be told your dad has left me. I phoned my dad to find that he has just taken the dog for a walk.

Ahhh.
 

Is she taking her medication, assuming she's been prescribed some? I had a friend who hated taking his medicine because he felt like a dulled down zombie, but turned into a total twat and got into loads of trouble when he didn't. He was convinced he didn't need it until the next time he ended up in hospital or a police cell.

[supermik]

8 minutes ago, G_Man1985 said:

Can see this bi polar splitting my mum n dad up.
Dad not coping. Mum thinks she is coping but she really isn't. We have a team that comes out m sees her. Thought she was doing well and then all of a sudden it's the worst she has ever been.
Last night she wanted me to book her tickets for some singer/composer Giorgio Moroder.
320 pound it cost for 2 tickets for her n my dad. Thought fair enough will try my best n see if I can get them. Then to find out it's a gift from me for her 65th birthday in January.
I don't have this actual money ( I do I dipped into my savings) however wasn't about the money for me, it was her demand and how she needed to go see this person sing because she got an album bought by an ex lad ( 40 odd years ago ).
She then texts me today saying " oh sorry about last night think I had a panic attack ".

Then this afternoon got 6 missed calls from mum ( was working ) so straight away I'm thinking this can't be good, to be told your dad has left me. I phoned my dad to find that he has just taken the dog for a walk.

Ahhh.
 

Has all her medications been sorted out yet? When my wife was struggling at first for a while, the docs spoke about the possibility of sectioning her for a short time for her own safety until her treatment was right for her. Never came to that outcome as I just battled through it with her.

[Melanius Mullarkey]

1 minute ago, G_Man1985 said:

Yup medication was upped again. She sees the psychiatrist again Friday so it's a matter of keeping her updated.
We have spoken about sectioning but they said no she didn't need it. My dad at time felt she didn't need it.
Yet mum seems to think she is fine.
Very frustrating. Emotions are all over the place. I'm actually enjoying going to work ( this time of year is brutal at work usually ) .

Easiest way for me to deal with anything is just chatting n keeping myself busy. I just want answers that I don't have

Sectioning is a last resort these days mostly because of the lack of space. You don’t want her going into Carseview if possible.  Not easy to see though.

[welshbairn]

1 minute ago, G_Man1985 said:

Yup medication was upped again. She sees the psychiatrist again Friday so it's a matter of keeping her updated.
We have spoken about sectioning but they said no she didn't need it. My dad at time felt she didn't need it.
Yet mum seems to think she is fine.
Very frustrating. Emotions are all over the place. I'm actually enjoying going to work ( this time of year is brutal at work usually ) .

Easiest way for me to deal with anything is just chatting n keeping myself busy. I just want answers that I don't have

Is your Dad confident she's taking her medication? 

[Melanius Mullarkey]

23 minutes ago, G_Man1985 said:

She has been in carseview before. All be it was after I was born.
Crisis team we said no to as we want the same people around her .

Medication she seems to be taking. Dad says so anyway

Fingers crossed m8. It’s a shite illness.