Depression

[welshbairn]

1 minute ago, Jamaldo said:

 

The doctor referred me to the same one I applied for after the NHS became a non-starter. It's the one I want to go to but I'm just fed up waiting.

Theres a free half-hour session for the other one if I want to dip my toe in.

 

Go for it. See what happens. Won't blow out the free one.

[Iminavest]

Been coasting through for a while now, often feel like I'm just sort of there and not really part of anything. A bit like an extra in everyone else's lives. I don't have song opinions or emotions on anything and I've never really felt connected to anyone, even family or friends. Just sort of empty. Socially I always feel like I'm faking it and I don't really enjoy people's company. I never feel like I have anything to say. Searching for canned  responses when I talk with people, what I think they want to hear or how I think I should react. Conversations never flow naturally. I've always figured this was just me, a bit of an introvert.

Have been chatting to a girl online for a couple of months in a very casual sense, messaging away most days and she seemed at ease with my quirks. Met up a couple of times and it didn't feel much different to other people but I felt more at ease. Actually think I like her more than I had realised. Told her this and she said she wasn't looking to get into anything, just to see people casually, which wasn't unexpected and I knew from the beginning. But it's totally floored me which I just can't get my head around. Still speaking away but it's sort of cutting me up.

Not sure if this is the best place to put this but just felt I had to write something down.

[welshbairn]

20 minutes ago, Iminavest said:

Been coasting through for a while now, often feel like I'm just sort of there and not really part of anything. A bit like an extra in everyone else's lives. I don't have song opinions or emotions on anything and I've never really felt connected to anyone, even family or friends. Just sort of empty. Socially I always feel like I'm faking it and I don't really enjoy people's company. I never feel like I have anything to say. Searching for canned  responses when I talk with people, what I think they want to hear or how I think I should react. Conversations never flow naturally. I've always figured this was just me, a bit of an introvert.

Have been chatting to a girl online for a couple of months in a very casual sense, messaging away most days and she seemed at ease with my quirks. Met up a couple of times and it didn't feel much different to other people but I felt more at ease. Actually think I like her more than I had realised. Told her this and she said she wasn't looking to get into anything, just to see people casually, which wasn't unexpected and I knew from the beginning. But it's totally floored me which I just can't get my head around. Still speaking away but it's sort of cutting me up.

Not sure if this is the best place to put this but just felt I had to write something down.

Seeing someone casually and feeling at ease is a great thing.  Don't blow it by expecting too much from it, at least in the short/medium term. She might have stuff to deal with too.

Edited January 30, 2018 by welshbairn

[NJ2]

Been coasting through for a while now, often feel like I'm just sort of there and not really part of anything. A bit like an extra in everyone else's lives. I don't have song opinions or emotions on anything and I've never really felt connected to anyone, even family or friends. Just sort of empty. Socially I always feel like I'm faking it and I don't really enjoy people's company. I never feel like I have anything to say. Searching for canned  responses when I talk with people, what I think they want to hear or how I think I should react. Conversations never flow naturally. I've always figured this was just me, a bit of an introvert.
Have been chatting to a girl online for a couple of months in a very casual sense, messaging away most days and she seemed at ease with my quirks. Met up a couple of times and it didn't feel much different to other people but I felt more at ease. Actually think I like her more than I had realised. Told her this and she said she wasn't looking to get into anything, just to see people casually, which wasn't unexpected and I knew from the beginning. But it's totally floored me which I just can't get my head around. Still speaking away but it's sort of cutting me up.
Not sure if this is the best place to put this but just felt I had to write something down.

Is going through a bit of a stage like that just now. Just drifting along, not really sure where it’s going but I try not to dwell on it.
As for the lassy, (easier said) but if you enjoy her company then just enjoy her company. Try not to force anything. I’m maybe not direct enough with potential birds but I’m very much if I like them and they like me, it’ll work itself out. Again, try not to dwell on that either.
Not sure I’m helping at all but I hope it all works out man!

[Richey Edwards]

I returned to work yesterday. The shift was alright. It was absolutely ordinary and painless. Most of the current patients are new to me because a lot of the patients I knew died over the Christmas period which is a shame because I was quite fond of them. They all had a good sense of humour and were a great laugh.

Most of the staff were pleased to see me back which was great.

 

[Bairnardo]

For anyone suffering, or who has a partner suffering, I need some advice on how to help my wife through some shit. I am away at work currently, and although that in itself always upsets her, this week she has told me she thinks she is depressed. We have two young kids and it is really a lot when I am away. She says it has finally got right on top of her. She has been depressed before years ago so I trust her judgement and am happy that she has recognised it herself and opened up. She has also booked in with the doctor. 

I need to know how to avoid typical w****r behaviour like "trying to cheer her up". I dont want to turn into a class clown. I cant bear to watch her questioning her ability  as a parent though when the reality is that she does a wonderful job with a baby and a toddler, often on her own. Honestly I dont know if maybe I have my own shit going on too. We have been through a lot as a family in the last few months and theres nothing I want more than to help her, but I feel utterly helpless. 

[Aubrey Maturin]

Bairnardo have a look at moodjuice webpage, some good stuff on it with excellent links

Type in moodjuice forth valley

Edited February 9, 2018 by Tynieness

[Rugster]

2 minutes ago, Bairnardo said:

For anyone suffering, or who has a partner suffering, I need some advice on how to help my wife through some shit. I am away at work currently, and although that in itself always upsets her, this week she has told me she thinks she is depressed. We have two young kids and it is really a lot when I am away. She says it has finally got right on top of her. She has been depressed before years ago so I trust her judgement and am happy that she has recognised it herself and opened up. She has also booked in with the doctor. 

I need to know how to avoid typical w****r behaviour like "trying to cheer her up". I dont want to turn into a class clown. I cant bear to watch her questioning her ability  as a parent though when the reality is that she does a wonderful job with a baby and a toddler, often on her own. Honestly I dont know if maybe I have my own shit going on too. We have been through a lot as a family in the last few months and theres nothing I want more than to help her, but I feel utterly helpless. 

There's no advice I can give here I don't think  to help you mate but I want you to know I read this, sympathise and if you want to talk I'm here willing to listen. 

[Honest Saints Fan]

Sorry to hear that Bairnardo. Is your health visitor still in regular contact? They would be more than happy to come out for a chat with her without judging or forcing doctors visits etc. It feels less clinical speaking to someone in your own home. 

[Bairnardo]

Thanks gents. She thinks going to the doctor will help bit I am very aware that he might well f**k her off and that wont go down well. will have to take it as it comes. The last week or so has been grim for her. Full house has been ill, very little sleep and a lot of terrible twos related grief. I hope me going home and taking the strain will help. It feels different this time though. She is being so hard on herself, but she is also trying to explain to me that irrational thoughts are part of it and she cant help it. Fucking horrible and I am feeling every bit of it for her. Puts into perspective for me what I read on here about what some people have to live with.

[Shotgun]

Other than to my wife and a couple of medical professionals, this thread is the only place where I've talked about my depression. This is partly due to the stigma around mental health, which leads me to being self-conscious about it. Mostly though; it's because I'm a fairly private person and don't feel the need to make my personal business public knowledge. 

Last weekend though; we were out with another couple and the conversation inevitably turned towards my job search and my lack of progress on it. Before I knew what was happening, I found myself confiding in them about the problems I've been having. We're not that close to this couple and frankly, I'd much rather they didn't know at all. But there we go, it's done now.

All this week she's been sending me 'inspirational' stories of people who have overcome incredible odds. Concentration camp survivors, soldiers with PTSD and so on. The clear message "If they can do it, so can you. Pull your socks up!"

f**k
f**k
f**k

Each time, I've replied politely that this doesn't help and will she please stop. Obviously she hasn't, which means I'm now at the stage where I'm ready to make a suggestion of what she could do with a running chainsaw. 

[DA Baracus]

That’s a shitter. Sounds like she doesn’t really understand the condition and is trying to help without realising that she is doing more harm than good.

 

Might be an idea to sit her down and have a talk with her about it. Maybe show her some Youtube videos on the subject?

 

Some decent videos here.

[welshbairn]

2 hours ago, Shotgun said:

Other than to my wife and a couple of medical professionals, this thread is the only place where I've talked about my depression. This is partly due to the stigma around mental health, which leads me to being self-conscious about it. Mostly though; it's because I'm a fairly private person and don't feel the need to make my personal business public knowledge. 

Last weekend though; we were out with another couple and the conversation inevitably turned towards my job search and my lack of progress on it. Before I knew what was happening, I found myself confiding in them about the problems I've been having. We're not that close to this couple and frankly, I'd much rather they didn't know at all. But there we go, it's done now.

All this week she's been sending me 'inspirational' stories of people who have overcome incredible odds. Concentration camp survivors, soldiers with PTSD and so on. The clear message "If they can do it, so can you. Pull your socks up!"

f**k
f**k
f**k

Each time, I've replied politely that this doesn't help and will she please stop. Obviously she hasn't, which means I'm now at the stage where I'm ready to make a suggestion of what she could do with a running chainsaw. 

Can you just block her? That would give her a clear hint to shut thefuck up.

Edited February 23, 2018 by welshbairn

[welshbairn]

Just now, G_Man1985 said:

4 minutes ago, welshbairn said:

Can you just block her? That would give her a clear hint to shut thefuck up.

Surely just tell the person rather than block. An easy way out is blocking but dosnt mean it's the correct way

He said he's already asked her to stop. I had a bad period a while ago and eventually opened up to my close family. My sister spread it around to relatives and people I barely know and anytime there was a wider family gathering there would be all these concerned looks and "Are you doing ok?" I was fucking furious.

[RH33]

On 09/02/2018 at 20:39, Bairnardo said:

For anyone suffering, or who has a partner suffering, I need some advice on how to help my wife through some shit. I am away at work currently, and although that in itself always upsets her, this week she has told me she thinks she is depressed. We have two young kids and it is really a lot when I am away. She says it has finally got right on top of her. She has been depressed before years ago so I trust her judgement and am happy that she has recognised it herself and opened up. She has also booked in with the doctor. 

I need to know how to avoid typical w****r behaviour like "trying to cheer her up". I dont want to turn into a class clown. I cant bear to watch her questioning her ability  as a parent though when the reality is that she does a wonderful job with a baby and a toddler, often on her own. Honestly I dont know if maybe I have my own shit going on too. We have been through a lot as a family in the last few months and theres nothing I want more than to help her, but I feel utterly helpless. 

I’ve got bpd, anxiety, depression and I found it hard going in the baby years. Lack of sleep doesn’t help. 

As you work away is it possible for kids go to childminder/nursery a day or so a week so she can get a break/nap/time to self.

If she’s going to doctor that’s a good step forward. Just ask her what you can do, she might be able to say, both practical and emotional things. Or she may not know. Just be there without judgement. It’s hard going.

But also look after yourself too.

[Bairnardo]

I’ve got bpd, anxiety, depression and I found it hard going in the baby years. Lack of sleep doesn’t help. 
As you work away is it possible for kids go to childminder/nursery a day or so a week so she can get a break/nap/time to self.
If she’s going to doctor that’s a good step forward. Just ask her what you can do, she might be able to say, both practical and emotional things. Or she may not know. Just be there without judgement. It’s hard going.
But also look after yourself too.

Thanks. Her mum does no bad at taking a wee shot when I am away and hopefully will recognise the need for it more now that the wife has acknowledged and started to deal with how shes feeling. It has to be said at the ages the bairns are at, they really can fucking torture you and the wee one is currently not sleeping great. Bit of a vicious cocktail that.

[Shotgun]

2 hours ago, DA Baracus said:

That’s a shitter. Sounds like she doesn’t really understand the condition and is trying to help without realising that she is doing more harm than good.

Yep. I've no doubt it's a well-intentioned, albeit clueless attempt to help. 

1 hour ago, G_Man1985 said:

1 hour ago, welshbairn said:

Can you just block her? That would give her a clear hint to shut thefuck up.

Surely just tell the person rather than block. An easy way out is blocking but dosnt mean it's the correct way

I don't think blocking her will address the big picture. I need to tell her to her face how unhelpful it is. We'll be seeing them again this weekend so I'll tell her then.

Thing is; I'm very well aware there are plenty people worse off than me. Being constantly reminded of it doesn't make it easier for me to shake off my own lethargy. If anything, it makes my inability to move even more of a problem.

This is just something else I really wish I didn't have to deal with right now.

[DA Baracus]

There's always someone worse off, but it isn't a competition and it doesn't mean that you can't suffer from depression and/or other issues

[welshbairn]

2 hours ago, DA Baracus said:

There's always someone worse off, but it isn't a competition and it doesn't mean that you can't suffer from depression and/or other issues

Being told by someone you're not close with how to deal with it and to man up is horrendous, it's such an intimate and personal issue to deal with. Anyone not invited or professionally qualified should leave it if there's any indication their intervention is unwelcome.

Edited February 23, 2018 by welshbairn

[Richey Edwards]

There's a common question from non-informed people, which is "what have you got to be depressed about?". This is often accompanied by an unhelpful statement like "there's people worse off than you".

There are people who have no shelter, no food, no family, no job, no career opportunities, no education, no safety and I (and I bet most of you) have at least a couple of these things. Therefore of course people are situationally and circumstantially worse off than I am.

However, it is possible to have all of these things and still suffer horribly from depression or any other mental illness. This is because depression is not circumstantial or situational.

No amount of "manning up", being told that there are people worse off than you or waiting for it to go away will make it go away. The only way to get rid of it is by seeking help and getting whatever help you require.

I wish I had found that out sooner and saved myself about ten years of antidepressants and therapies that were nothing more than temporary fixes because I wasn't honest enough with myself or medical professionals to deal with the real problem.

Edited February 23, 2018 by Richey Edwards