Depression

[Thereisalight..]

I've found the last couple of weeks to be a struggle. The weather hasnt been as nice so I've not went out walking or hiking as much. Monday was the 1st anniversary of my Dad passing. Went on a "date" a morning ago, my first one since my horrible break up and it just made me miss the connection I had with my ex even more (but not her). Also had to take a sabbatical from work as I wasnt sleeping the night before due to anxiety and was then having to stand outside for 13 hours. Just fcked emotionally and physically at the moment

[NJ2]

I've found the last couple of weeks to be a struggle. The weather hasnt been as nice so I've not went out walking or hiking as much. Monday was the 1st anniversary of my Dad passing. Went on a "date" a morning ago, my first one since my horrible break up and it just made me miss the connection I had with my ex even more (but not her). Also had to take a sabbatical from work as I wasnt sleeping the night before due to anxiety and was then having to stand outside for 13 hours. Just fcked emotionally and physically at the moment

No anniversary of a passing will be nice but I suspect the first would be the grimmest.
Good stuff on the date! Might not have been the one but it’s steps in the right direction, you won’t find the connection and that you miss by not meeting people.
As with a few others here, have a look for other jobs. There’s no harm in looking, especially if what you have is draining on you...what we got to lose?

[Mr Waldo]

On 03/02/2021 at 19:30, Hillonearth said:

We've had a couple of eye-openers recently...the top brass had arranged for a series of mental health and mindfulness seminars to be conducted online over the next month or so, which on the face of it seems like a nice thing to do...all to be on a voluntary basis for anyone that feels like they're struggling.

Until they never got the numbers they were expecting, that is.

Then it immediately turned into a case of each section being tasked with filling a quota...spent a couple of frustrating phone calls explaining that the fact not many people feel the need for them is actually a good thing, and that railroading them into this kind of stuff might actually be counterproductive, to be met with a general attitude of "Well, we fucking paid for it up front so get them telt...."

 

Funny. I was on one of them this morning. They usually feel 'tick box' but, for some reason, we were inundated with people wanting to tell their story and share their experiences. It was quite a powerful and humbling experience. Maybe the message is getting through - at my work at least.

The only concern I had was the ones that didn't dial in. But I am a worrier, so...maybe that's ok.

[8MileBU]

14 hours ago, Aufc said:

 

That makes sense now mate. Sounds like you need to head down with the aim of moving to a different department or whatever. Every job will have aspects that you dislike (generally) but at least it sounds like enjoy a lot of aspects so focus on them and try ignore the negative stuff. Obviously easier said than done but you will drive yourself mad. I suppose in public sector yoj will always get paid less than private sector. Benefits to both side

 

Aye it’s a bit of a quandary. It’s not like I’m on a measly wage or anything like that (nor am I by any means flush) but you get to a point where you achieve a level and a standard of living and trying to maintain it is the hard bit when some awful p***ks at work can affect what you can do in life away from work.

Edited February 4, 2021 by 8MileBU

[philpy]

I've had a rough time of it lately, mind been going into overdrive, sleepless nights, everything lockdown related has Just knocked me sideways. I've made the wise decision to knock the drinking on the head, admittedly I've became over-reliant on it to black everything out. Got a new camera at Xmas and started to put cash away to get new lenses for it. I've been getting up in the morning early as I've been off this week and getting some great wildlife pics, and not had to worry about hangovers and being over the limit. Feel so much better Doing it.

 

 

 

[Shandon Par]

3 minutes ago, philpy said:

I've had a rough time of it lately, mind been going into overdrive, sleepless nights, everything lockdown related has Just knocked me sideways. I've made the wise decision to knock the drinking on the head, admittedly I've became over-reliant on it to black everything out. Got a new camera at Xmas and started to put cash away to get new lenses for it. I've been getting up in the morning early as I've been off this week and getting some great wildlife pics, and not had to worry about hangovers and being over the limit. Feel so much better Doing it.

 

 

 

Definitely helps to stress to yourself all the positives from not drinking, rather than seeing it as being deprived or denying yourself something. Well done!

[D.A.F.C]

Without wanting to sound preachy or a dick about it drinking has absolutely zero value and can’t help at all with depression.

I don’t really know any other way to drink other than binge drinking and from getting isolated due to shit friends and going on a health kick I’ve never really missed it. I do appreciate a social drink or occasional whisky but I’m usually one or two drinks away from just drinking everything going. Which is dangerous. Starting drinking young is a really bad idea and it’s probably that more than anything that means I can’t really go back to it even if I was going out every weekend. After a while a booze free weekend feels good, maybe a few people will realise that with lockdown or on the flip side have been caining it every weekend by themselves? Moderation is key and maybe society needs to move away from binge drinking culture, the government is a bit hypocritical saying respect the nhs then taking billions of drink tbh.

[Raidernation]

I had a relapse. From Jan 21st to 23rd I drank almost constantly.

I have no idea why.

I ended up in hospital because I ended up throwing up almost constantly for 24 hours. Diagnosed at one point with keto acidosis but they changed that after about 12 hours on fluids and potassium etc.

Had to admit to my (very supportive) stepdaughter and to my boss why I was in hospital and miss a days work but I have had nothing but support (probably because I immediately contacted an IOP program and was accepted (started Monday))

Why am I sharing this? I learned this time that one thing I can’t let myself do is feel guilty/angry/stupid/failure for something that’s already happened. I took immediate action in terms of gettin in touch with the IOP programme and to go to meetings. I did not let this spiral down into some of my previous depressive cycles.

I WILL RECOVER!

[Stellaboz]

Every road back from an addiction will suffer a relapse of some kind I think, at least you've taken action when it happened.
You're going to conquer it!

[Aufc]

Aye it’s a bit of a quandary. It’s not like I’m on a measly wage or anything like that (nor am I by any means flush) but you get to a point where you achieve a level and a standard of living and trying to maintain it is the hard bit when some awful p***ks at work can affect what you can do in life away from work.

In my opinion, if your work is affecting your personal life negatively then you need to seriously consider your options. Your issue is that because you are public sector then you cant do things such as ask for a pay rise. However, it does allow you some flexibility on different areas as you previously mention. Only you can know what is the right thing to do, but, as mentioned, don’t let your work impact your personal life. Especially with kids and even more so in the current situation

[the snudge]

Anyone struggling with alcohol is free to message me anytime. Even just to vent. I've been there. 

[Dons_1988]

Part of the problem with alcohol is the stigma/label that can some with a 'drink problem'.

Reality is a drink problem can range from being clinically addicted right down to misuse during a difficult period in life or even as simple as not being great at holding your drink on a night out.

I've not been an alcoholic but I definitely had a problem with drink back in my worst days. I absolutely used it to cope when I lost hope that things would get better. I never told anyone because who wants to be labelled an alcoholic for life? Thankfully my Mrs was there to give me a serious shake.

It's possible to have an issue with it and in time recover a healthier relationship with alcohol when you're in a better place. If people felt more empowered to discuss that without being labelled it would be a great thing.

[Stellaboz]

Absolutely terrific post @Dons_1988

I used to be a weekend binge drinker, which I used to try and be happy and I perceived it as "having fun".  It also used up the majority of my spare cash and I took out credit facilities in order to continue to go out at a weekend and such. 

I also used it for a long time as a way to forget the shit things in life and to numb the pain of a bad relationship and a life leading nowhere. 

At no stage was I an alcoholic in the clinical sense, but definitely mis-used alcohol and mis-treated myself and others along the way as a result. I used get get heavy doses of "the fear" which obviously didn't help my mental state.

 

At one point I decided to try to cut down whilst at uni and left only beers which I absolutely hate in the fridge. It helped me, despite how silly that sounds.

I still enjoy having a few beers sometimes but very, very rarely am I ever hungover anymore. I can now have maybe one or two beers without feeling the need to get absolutely shit-faced whereas when I was in my teens or early twenties I would scoff at the thought of stopping at one or two. 

[Dons_1988]

10 minutes ago, Stellaboz said:

Absolutely terrific post @Dons_1988

I used to be a weekend binge drinker, which I used to try and be happy and I perceived it as "having fun".  It also used up the majority of my spare cash and I took out credit facilities in order to continue to go out at a weekend and such. 

I also used it for a long time as a way to forget the shit things in life and to numb the pain of a bad relationship and a life leading nowhere. 

At no stage was I an alcoholic in the clinical sense, but definitely mis-used alcohol and mis-treated myself and others along the way as a result. I used get get heavy doses of "the fear" which obviously didn't help my mental state.

 

At one point I decided to try to cut down whilst at uni and left only beers which I absolutely hate in the fridge. It helped me, despite how silly that sounds.

I still enjoy having a few beers sometimes but very, very rarely am I ever hungover anymore. I can now have maybe one or two beers without feeling the need to get absolutely shit-faced whereas when I was in my teens or early twenties I would scoff at the thought of stopping at one or two. 

Think this is pretty common across Scotland to be honest.

I definitely considered telling people I was worried about how much I was drinking at the time but didn't because alcoholic felt like a life time label I'd get. You hear the conversations in offices etc 'such and such has a drink problem...', which is just vague enough that no one knows what it is but they can make a judgement anyway.

ETA - forgot to say @Raidernation is an absolute credit to himself the way he keeps fronting up and tackling the issue. Serious respect.

Edited February 5, 2021 by Dons_1988

[Bairnardo]

A drink problem can manifest in many ways for sure. For me, in terms of pure health, I drink more than I should, but it doesn't worry me as I will tell myself none this week, need a break etc. For me, I look back at my time as young single man though and see far too many instances of being fucking wrecked with no memory of this night or that night, and it makes me feel regret. Easy to say with hindsight I suppose, but still. That's an alcohol related problem.

[Priti priti priti Patel]

What's the best way to approach someone who has some form of "drink problem"?

 

My dad was probably an alcoholic, although he died when I was too young to really know, and everyone in the family I mention it to just says either "no, he just liked a drink" or "he was definitely an alcoholic", correlating with how straight laced they are.

My brother has been drinking since he was 12 or 13. So have I tbh but never had a problem at all and rarely drink now. Anyway, my brother like many young boys growing up in Scotland would just get absolutely steaming from a young age as something to do, in a town with not that many opportunities for those not blessed with parents who can take you out in the countryside and do canoeing, skiing, etc, however it is the other half lives.

My brother is now 33 and a heavy drinker. He calls himself "a drinker" rather than an alcoholic or whatever. He refers to being "a drinker" as if it's his identity. That's probably fair because it seems like all the gifts he gets at Christmas, all his birthday cards, all relate to alcohol. He uses that old line "I could stop any time, I just don't want to" which you never know whether it's true or not. He also has the self-awareness to say "I drink to cope with things. Otherwise I'd go mental".

There's a lot of shit going on in his life and he was recently put on antidepressants. He's used that as the spur to cut back and the other night I phoned him and he was burping away to some gassy zero percent Budweiser concoction so that was good. But I live hundreds of miles away and don't want to be constantly on the phone, in case it looks like I'm checking up on him. Even acknowledging he might have a problem feels to him like a criticism and we've just tentatively repaired our relationship so I don't want to risk anything like that.

Bit of a long post and obviously every situation is different, but what's a good framework for approaching someone who has an issue with the drink?

[the snudge]

19 minutes ago, Margaret Thatcher said:

What's the best way to approach someone who has some form of "drink problem"?

 

My dad was probably an alcoholic, although he died when I was too young to really know, and everyone in the family I mention it to just says either "no, he just liked a drink" or "he was definitely an alcoholic", correlating with how straight laced they are.

My brother has been drinking since he was 12 or 13. So have I tbh but never had a problem at all and rarely drink now. Anyway, my brother like many young boys growing up in Scotland would just get absolutely steaming from a young age as something to do, in a town with not that many opportunities for those not blessed with parents who can take you out in the countryside and do canoeing, skiing, etc, however it is the other half lives.

My brother is now 33 and a heavy drinker. He calls himself "a drinker" rather than an alcoholic or whatever. He refers to being "a drinker" as if it's his identity. That's probably fair because it seems like all the gifts he gets at Christmas, all his birthday cards, all relate to alcohol. He uses that old line "I could stop any time, I just don't want to" which you never know whether it's true or not. He also has the self-awareness to say "I drink to cope with things. Otherwise I'd go mental".

There's a lot of shit going on in his life and he was recently put on antidepressants. He's used that as the spur to cut back and the other night I phoned him and he was burping away to some gassy zero percent Budweiser concoction so that was good. But I live hundreds of miles away and don't want to be constantly on the phone, in case it looks like I'm checking up on him. Even acknowledging he might have a problem feels to him like a criticism and we've just tentatively repaired our relationship so I don't want to risk anything like that.

Bit of a long post and obviously every situation is different, but what's a good framework for approaching someone who has an issue with the drink?

Have you been negatively affected by the persons drinking? If you have there is support groups put there. If you need any info give me a wee PM.  

Sometimes the best thing to remember is that you can care about them but you can't care for them.

[Dons_1988]

31 minutes ago, Margaret Thatcher said:

What's the best way to approach someone who has some form of "drink problem"?

 

My dad was probably an alcoholic, although he died when I was too young to really know, and everyone in the family I mention it to just says either "no, he just liked a drink" or "he was definitely an alcoholic", correlating with how straight laced they are.

My brother has been drinking since he was 12 or 13. So have I tbh but never had a problem at all and rarely drink now. Anyway, my brother like many young boys growing up in Scotland would just get absolutely steaming from a young age as something to do, in a town with not that many opportunities for those not blessed with parents who can take you out in the countryside and do canoeing, skiing, etc, however it is the other half lives.

My brother is now 33 and a heavy drinker. He calls himself "a drinker" rather than an alcoholic or whatever. He refers to being "a drinker" as if it's his identity. That's probably fair because it seems like all the gifts he gets at Christmas, all his birthday cards, all relate to alcohol. He uses that old line "I could stop any time, I just don't want to" which you never know whether it's true or not. He also has the self-awareness to say "I drink to cope with things. Otherwise I'd go mental".

There's a lot of shit going on in his life and he was recently put on antidepressants. He's used that as the spur to cut back and the other night I phoned him and he was burping away to some gassy zero percent Budweiser concoction so that was good. But I live hundreds of miles away and don't want to be constantly on the phone, in case it looks like I'm checking up on him. Even acknowledging he might have a problem feels to him like a criticism and we've just tentatively repaired our relationship so I don't want to risk anything like that.

Bit of a long post and obviously every situation is different, but what's a good framework for approaching someone who has an issue with the drink?

I'm not an expert on these things at all so wouldn't want to give out shit advice.

All I would say is that if he's on anti-depressants and struggling then alcohol will not be helping him in that regard. Quite the opposite. Anti-depressants, psychologists etc did nothing for me compared to getting a grip of booze, diet and exercise and just looking after myself generally.

[Guest bernardblack]

1 hour ago, Margaret Thatcher said:

What's the best way to approach someone who has some form of "drink problem"?

 

My dad was probably an alcoholic, although he died when I was too young to really know, and everyone in the family I mention it to just says either "no, he just liked a drink" or "he was definitely an alcoholic", correlating with how straight laced they are.

My brother has been drinking since he was 12 or 13. So have I tbh but never had a problem at all and rarely drink now. Anyway, my brother like many young boys growing up in Scotland would just get absolutely steaming from a young age as something to do, in a town with not that many opportunities for those not blessed with parents who can take you out in the countryside and do canoeing, skiing, etc, however it is the other half lives.

My brother is now 33 and a heavy drinker. He calls himself "a drinker" rather than an alcoholic or whatever. He refers to being "a drinker" as if it's his identity. That's probably fair because it seems like all the gifts he gets at Christmas, all his birthday cards, all relate to alcohol. He uses that old line "I could stop any time, I just don't want to" which you never know whether it's true or not. He also has the self-awareness to say "I drink to cope with things. Otherwise I'd go mental".

There's a lot of shit going on in his life and he was recently put on antidepressants. He's used that as the spur to cut back and the other night I phoned him and he was burping away to some gassy zero percent Budweiser concoction so that was good. But I live hundreds of miles away and don't want to be constantly on the phone, in case it looks like I'm checking up on him. Even acknowledging he might have a problem feels to him like a criticism and we've just tentatively repaired our relationship so I don't want to risk anything like that.

Bit of a long post and obviously every situation is different, but what's a good framework for approaching someone who has an issue with the drink?

I have no idea how you would begin the difficult conversation, but apparently One Year No Beer is meant to be a good service. Monthly goals etc and a community to chat to if he’s miles away or isolated. 
Good luck with it. I’ve had a history of alcoholism in my immediate family that keeps me in check. Still have the ability to enjoy a few beers etc but it’s always in the back of my mind. 

Edited February 5, 2021 by bernardblack

[Priti priti priti Patel]

1 hour ago, the snudge said:

Have you been negatively affected by the persons drinking? If you have there is support groups put there. If you need any info give me a wee PM.  

Sometimes the best thing to remember is that you can care about them but you can't care for them.

Aye, in the past I've been beaten up when he's been drunk, but not as an adult. He had the same treatment at the hands of our dad. C'est la vie, unfortunately. But I appreciate the thought.

I'm not really concerned about myself. I'm in a very good place in life. But I do care about him, still perversely look up to him as an older sibling, and want the best for him. I know it's a rare bright moment in his life when I call him and we reminisce about happy memories and I take an interest in his hobbies. I'm not trying to ruin that by talking about his drinking, and I feel like giving him a wee hour off the misery chatting to me and building up his self esteem is helping anyway.

But when he gets off it or cuts back, like stocking up on the alcohol free beer, it would be nice to know what to do or say to help him have a better crack at it. Right now I just say "oh are you cutting back?" and he says "aye" and I say "decent".

Edited February 5, 2021 by Margaret Thatcher