Depression

[D.A.F.C]

Kind of applies to both so...
 
A job is such a big part of your life, I wouldn't minimise it. I feel I need to state I don't enjoy what I do, I just do it for the money, if I had to put up with reduced money or what [mention=59448]D.A.F.C[/mention] seems to be going through I would be absolutely hating it. 
For years now I don't have any real loyalties towards any job or anyone in a work capacity, at the end of the day I expect everyone to look out for number one so I do so myself. I constantly have my CV up to date and ready to go, I keep in touch with many agency staff almost as is if we were pals, we're not, we're both just playing the game of information. I keep all my job alerts active, check what's out there regularly, what the market rates are and finally keep my skillset relevant. I'd basically recommend this to anyone. I know it's the easiest thing in the world to say if you're not happy in a job then leave, but in my opinion it's 100% the best course of action. If it's not happening, don't pour your time and energy into trying to work harder for someone else, put that time into you. I'm far from saying leave at the drop of a hat or one off-the-cuff remark, but be ready. Maybe you are already doing all of this and which case I wouldn't give up, it took me over a year to get out of a job I hated and suffered badly mentally for it. When I did finally get out, what a relief it was and the outpouring of emotion after was beyond what I'd ever expected. 
This all came from a combination of things in previous jobs, which to be honest I don't really want to get into. I will say I was made redundant twice by the same company through no fault of my own, (second time I ended up resigning anyway and both times offered a job levels below for less money) both times it ended up being the best thing that had ever happened to me, in terms of working life. 
I don't know if this is any help at all, I read both posts a couple of times and felt I could offer something.

It is a help and need to sort myself out.
I dont think its the abuse or nasty behaviour that bothers me its the denial of it and subsequent attacks and gaslighting that really messes with my head.
From reading online it gets referred to as crazy making.
You cant get angry or stand up for yourself because it will get denied or over exaggerated and turned around so that you will be the one who seems abusive or weird.
An example is today the lackey of a more senior abuser who I stupidly shared and trusted info with about the senior boss being abusive.
When I made a loud noise while working, knocked something over.
"Give me attention"
Hes also done this before by framing it as his cat needing attention.
From this im assuming he went to the senior boss like a rat, probably knowing full well that he was actually abusive and telling all. Oh look then he gets promoted out of the blue, despite being less skilled and experienced.
Any time a manager appears he disappears up their arse as well.

This is the kind of behaviour that goes on pretty much on a daily basis to the point where I'm almost paranoid about double meanings and when any of the flying monkeys are around. I've pretty much sussed out everyone now and I'm very guarded to the point where I just grey rock most people. That's really not me though so its a terrible way to spend the day.

Just wanted to share that for context and I agree that moving on is the only option.

[Thistle_do_nicely]

girlfriend called me from the A&E today, says they think its a tumour in her bowel. i can't handle this.

Work were brand new when i let them know i had to finish my shift. Dad was great too when i called earlier.

Going to take the dog a loooooong walk and then i reckon ill just listen to music for most of the rest of the day.

I can't even fucking visit her.

[Duszek]

2 hours ago, Thistle_do_nicely said:

girlfriend called me from the A&E today, says they think its a tumour in her bowel. i can't handle this.

Work were brand new when i let them know i had to finish my shift. Dad was great too when i called earlier.

Going to take the dog a loooooong walk and then i reckon ill just listen to music for most of the rest of the day.

I can't even fucking visit her.

Sorry to hear this. It’s a terrible time to have loved ones in hospital. Fresh air and music sound like good options. All the best!

[Honest Saints Fan]

3 hours ago, Thistle_do_nicely said:

girlfriend called me from the A&E today, says they think its a tumour in her bowel. i can't handle this.

Work were brand new when i let them know i had to finish my shift. Dad was great too when i called earlier.

Going to take the dog a loooooong walk and then i reckon ill just listen to music for most of the rest of the day.

I can't even fucking visit her.

Sorry to read this. Sending wishes to your girlfriend.  

It's hard not to think of the worst and I absolutely hate people saying stay positive because it's fucking hard being positive all the time. Just take each day as it comes, get your girlfriend to ask for pen and paper when the Drs speak to her, especially if she is not allowed anyone in to be with her. You instantly forget loads the Dr's say so having it written down is defo worthwhile. 

[NotThePars]

3 hours ago, Thistle_do_nicely said:

girlfriend called me from the A&E today, says they think its a tumour in her bowel. i can't handle this.

Work were brand new when i let them know i had to finish my shift. Dad was great too when i called earlier.

Going to take the dog a loooooong walk and then i reckon ill just listen to music for most of the rest of the day.

I can't even fucking visit her.

That's dreadful news. Sending love and solidarity, brother.

[D.A.F.C]

girlfriend called me from the A&E today, says they think its a tumour in her bowel. i can't handle this.
Work were brand new when i let them know i had to finish my shift. Dad was great too when i called earlier.
Going to take the dog a loooooong walk and then i reckon ill just listen to music for most of the rest of the day.
I can't even fucking visit her.

Hope things get better soon.

[Thereisalight..]

Sorry to hear that about your gf Thistle... really hope if it is a tumour that its benign. All the best to you both 

[Thereisalight..]

I've felt myself getting more and more down in the last week or so. I hate winter at the best of times without all these restrictions. I'm not sleeping well and then going out to do 13hr hour shifts outside on only a few hours sleep if any sleep at all. 

I've been dreaming of my most recent ex as well. Horrible horrible dreams, makes me remember all the bad things I said I done (and all the bad things she said and done). I usually love Christmas but as it's the first without my Dad I'm dreading it. Anxiety levels have been through the roof. Despite all that I'm still refraining from any depression or anxiety tablets. Probably stupid of me tbh 

[DAFC.]

5 hours ago, Thistle_do_nicely said:

girlfriend called me from the A&E today, says they think its a tumour in her bowel. i can't handle this.

Work were brand new when i let them know i had to finish my shift. Dad was great too when i called earlier.

Going to take the dog a loooooong walk and then i reckon ill just listen to music for most of the rest of the day.

I can't even fucking visit her.

Know what you are going through all too well, bud. Stay strong and sending my best wishes to you and your partner.

[Thistle_do_nicely]

Thanks all for the well wishes, hugely appreciate it. Have calmed down now.

Very good suggestion with the getting it in writing and all, kind of zoned out a little when I first got told so when my mum and dad were asking even slightly more detailed questions i was like "errr... i think she mentioned something about them cutting her open which might be the biopsy?"

Her gran got in touch as the hospital have been keeping her in the loop, probably listed as gf's main contact as they're very close - first operation (little icky so if you're eating i'd STRONGLY ADVISE not to read this: but they were afaik rearranging her bowels/insides around the growth) went fine afaik, she'll need a follow up in a few months. Still waiting for the biopsy on the tumour but i think it hasn't spread anywhere which they said was encouraging. GF phoned earlier, still groggy but she said she was very lucky to have gone in when she did as her bowel was close to tearing/rupturing which could have been disastrous. They operated incredibly fast i think, literally got the call yesterday at 2pm from gf that they thought it was a tumour and she was in the operating theatre within about 4 hours of it.

Long recovery ahead of her.

Edited November 20, 2020 by Thistle_do_nicely

[Stellaboz]

Really glad things have turned in a positive manner, just remember that if you feel you need a bit of time to just reflect, go through things again or just let your mind go... just do it. Be ready to bring yourself back of course, but it'll help. 

[thistledo]

 

5 hours ago, Thistle_do_nicely said:

Thanks all for the well wishes, hugely appreciate it. Have calmed down now.

Very good suggestion with the getting it in writing and all, kind of zoned out a little when I first got told so when my mum and dad were asking even slightly more detailed questions i was like "errr... i think she mentioned something about them cutting her open which might be the biopsy?"

Her gran got in touch as the hospital have been keeping her in the loop, probably listed as gf's main contact as they're very close - first operation (little icky so if you're eating i'd STRONGLY ADVISE not to read this: but they were afaik rearranging her bowels/insides around the growth) went fine afaik, she'll need a follow up in a few months. Still waiting for the biopsy on the tumour but i think it hasn't spread anywhere which they said was encouraging. GF phoned earlier, still groggy but she said she was very lucky to have gone in when she did as her bowel was close to tearing/rupturing which could have been disastrous. They operated incredibly fast i think, literally got the call yesterday at 2pm from gf that they thought it was a tumour and she was in the operating theatre within about 4 hours of it.

Long recovery ahead of her.

Fingers crossed for you and the missus mate. It is hugely positive news that it's not spread. 

[DA Baracus]

10 hours ago, Stevles said:

This topic is from 2012, the first time seeing such long conversation. Theme is real not funny, because depression is not something you decided to have. Many people surrounding me don't understand why I try my best to work but self-isolation is not what I enjoy, it's like a feeling not to contaminate the atmosphere, because when people are around me, at that point everything start to happen, and it's unpleasantly. So many books and music wasted but it's much more better in comparison with 4 years ago.

Good to hear that things have improved! There's always work to do, as we know it's an ongoing process. For many us we'll never be totally 'cured' and will live with it for the rest of our lives. That sounds quite fatalistic, but we can learn to cope with it and manage it better as we go on.

What books and music do you mean?

[Genuine Hibs Fan]

As this is a place that is one of the reliable good natured and supportive lights on here, I don't think bringing in the most interminable debates that occur on the site is a very good idea tbh. 

Fwiw, obvious dotting accounts should be banned, and if folk feel they are being bullied they should speak to mods. I don't think it's fair that people who regularly speak to and of others with contempt on here (not that that covers everyone) are talking about bullying, and short of either people explaining every dot they give (patently ridiculous as an idea) or removing the rep system (seems unlikely), there isn't a solution.

Even if we accept that people are going around dotting all of someone's posts, I don't see any instances where it hasn't been initiated by some pretty direct exchanges of words. To say that dotting is bullying is stretching it massively imo, and I'd doubt it's ever a one way street. Again though, if people feel otherwise in specific circumstances they should speak to the mods or, even, PM the person involved and tell them how it makes them feel; maybe have a bit of a grown up conversation about things, get some closure or productive conversation out of the whole thing.  Or idk we could call them bullies while referring to others as cretins, virgins, no mates, c***s etc because it makes us feel better.

As I say, not the place for this chat and I'll not be responding but it's not something that should sit unchallenged.

[DA Baracus]

Does anyone know of any apps, without ads, that track the number of days you go without a drink?

I've been in denial about my drinking this year. I used to go weeks, sometimes months, without having a drink, but since January I've been drinking every single week. The vast majority of the time it's only been once a week, but this week it was twice. I was off Wednesday, Thursday and Friday last week, so drank on Thursday night, but on Saturday was actually feeling an urge to do it, and eventually gave in.

Sick of it now, and have been denying that it's becoming an issue, but the urges are happening each week now. It isn't every day, but it is every Friday or Saturday (depending on what day I usually do it). I dread to think how much money I've spent on it, because it isn't just a few drinks, it's usually 15-16 beers.

I need cut it the f**k out.

[invergowrie arab]

Any diet app e.g. myfitnesspal would let you log what you drink.

[welshbairn]

6 minutes ago, DA Baracus said:

Does anyone know of any apps, without ads, that track the number of days you go without a drink?

I've been in denial about my drinking this year. I used to go weeks, sometimes months, without having a drink, but since January I've been drinking every single week. The vast majority of the time it's only been once a week, but this week it was twice. I was off Wednesday, Thursday and Friday last week, so drank on Thursday night, but on Saturday was actually feeling an urge to do it, and eventually gave in.

Sick of it now, and have been denying that it's becoming an issue, but the urges are happening each week now. It isn't every day, but it is every Friday or Saturday (depending on what day I usually do it). I dread to think how much money I've spent on it, because it isn't just a few drinks, it's usually 15-16 beers.

I need cut it the f**k out.

You could give this one a go, I'd imagine it doesn't only work in January.

https://alcoholchange.org.uk/get-involved/campaigns/dry-january/get-involved/the-dry-january-app

[Dons_1988]

42 minutes ago, Genuine Hibs Fan said:

As this is a place that is one of the reliable good natured and supportive lights on here, I don't think bringing in the most interminable debates that occur on the site is a very good idea tbh. 

Fwiw, obvious dotting accounts should be banned, and if folk feel they are being bullied they should speak to mods. I don't think it's fair that people who regularly speak to and of others with contempt on here (not that that covers everyone) are talking about bullying, and short of either people explaining every dot they give (patently ridiculous as an idea) or removing the rep system (seems unlikely), there isn't a solution.

Even if we accept that people are going around dotting all of someone's posts, I don't see any instances where it hasn't been initiated by some pretty direct exchanges of words. To say that dotting is bullying is stretching it massively imo, and I'd doubt it's ever a one way street. Again though, if people feel otherwise in specific circumstances they should speak to the mods or, even, PM the person involved and tell them how it makes them feel; maybe have a bit of a grown up conversation about things, get some closure or productive conversation out of the whole thing.  Or idk we could call them bullies while referring to others as cretins, virgins, no mates, c***s etc because it makes us feel better.

As I say, not the place for this chat and I'll not be responding but it's not something that should sit unchallenged.

I'm loathed to wade in on a dotting debate as I think it is a bit ridiculous.

However, I think the problem is more that people feel they can discard decency they might afford to other people as soon as they feel they hold opinions that they as abhorrent. You see a lot of justification of 'dotting campaigns' or the mob mentality sometimes seen with terms like they're a disgraceful human with disgraceful opinions. Obviously there's a lot of emotive topics discussed within general nonsense in particular but I think it's rare to see an opinion that makes it ok to completely write someone off as worthy of civility or respect.

That might sound like I'm discouraging heated debate, I'm not at all but I think JTS98 is an example where a group of folk decided all bets were off with regards to him and clearly did push him a bit far.

I just don't understand that tbh, as  @DA Baracus says, none of us knows what's going on with people outside the forum.

[Genuine Hibs Fan]

29 minutes ago, Dons_1988 said:

I'm loathed to wade in on a dotting debate as I think it is a bit ridiculous.

However, I think the problem is more that people feel they can discard decency they might afford to other people as soon as they feel they hold opinions that they as abhorrent. You see a lot of justification of 'dotting campaigns' or the mob mentality sometimes seen with terms like they're a disgraceful human with disgraceful opinions. Obviously there's a lot of emotive topics discussed within general nonsense in particular but I think it's rare to see an opinion that makes it ok to completely write someone off as worthy of civility or respect.

That might sound like I'm discouraging heated debate, I'm not at all but I think JTS98 is an example where a group of folk decided all bets were off with regards to him and clearly did push him a bit far.

I just don't understand that tbh, as  @DA Baracus says, none of us knows what's going on with people outside the forum.

This is absolutely correct, of course. We should all think more about that. Why it's only ever condemned around "dotting campaigns" while people who write long dialogues about posters licking each other's boots are sadly "pushed a bit far" will never make sense to me. Vendettas on here in general make no sense to me, I might have the same argument with people on more than one occasion but try not to hold it against them in between.

But you either care about users treatment of each other or not. This selective "be kind" we are seeing isn't a serious conversation

[philpy]

The issue I have with the site is the idiots that accuse people of making up stories, it's a shite thing to do as a lot of people may have had depression issues in regards to the "made up stories". I'm not going in to too much great detail here, but when I went through all the stuff where I claimed to have autism, it wasn't a rouse to get sympathy and make folk feel sorry for me, i witnessed something quite close to home that will stay with me forever,  and still affects my sleep. I was younger then, I didn't know how to cope or reach out to people properly, I was pushing people away. I just thought people might go a bit easier on me, it backfired somewhat spectacularly but people on here still cast it up.