buchan30 Posted May 5, 2018 Share Posted May 5, 2018 What do you call a priest on a motorbike?Rev 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Funky Nosejob Posted May 6, 2018 Share Posted May 6, 2018 I was in the pub last night and Rene Descartes walked in. “Fancy a pint, Rene?”, I asked. “I think not”, he replied. And then, suddenly, he was gone. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted May 6, 2018 Share Posted May 6, 2018 I was in the pub last night and Bishop Berkeley dropped his pint. Nobody noticed. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buchan30 Posted May 6, 2018 Share Posted May 6, 2018 I have began reading a horror novel in braille. something bad’s going to happen, i can feel it. 15 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted May 7, 2018 Share Posted May 7, 2018 3 hours ago, Funky Nosejob said: I was in the pub last night and Rene Descartes walked in. “Fancy a pint, Rene?”, I asked. “I think not”, he replied. And then, suddenly, he was gone. If he had a long face is that putting Descartes before the horse? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaz Posted May 8, 2018 Share Posted May 8, 2018 What's Whitney Houston's favourite type of co-ordination? HAND EEEEEYYYYEEEEYYYEEEE 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kennysmassiveego Posted May 9, 2018 Share Posted May 9, 2018 I wa in the bank yesterday and saw an Asian lady who was a little bit irritated with the cashier when trying to convert her yen into pounds She said “ I was in yesterday an I get 2 hunna yen to the pound , now you say today I only get one hunna and eighty , why ?” The cashier said “ fluctuations “ ‘She replied “ fluc you white people too “ 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LincolnHearts Posted May 9, 2018 Share Posted May 9, 2018 -1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted May 9, 2018 Share Posted May 9, 2018 On 05/05/2018 at 15:12, IainMorton said: Guy walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm “a pint of lager please, and one for the road”. Yeah, but the barman wouldn't serve them because the road was a bit of a cyclepath 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LondonHMFC Posted May 9, 2018 Share Posted May 9, 2018 A Man trying to cross a busy road gets run over by a red lorry, then a yellow lorry, then a red lorry, then a yellow lorry. A policeman knocks on the door of the family to inform them of the sad news and says: "I’m really sorry.........there is no easy way to tell you this" 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fullerene Posted May 10, 2018 Share Posted May 10, 2018 On 09/05/2018 at 09:06, kennysmassiveego said: I wa in the bank yesterday and saw an Asian lady who was a little bit irritated with the cashier when trying to convert her yen into pounds She said “ I was in yesterday an I get 2 hunna yen to the pound , now you say today I only get one hunna and eighty , why ?” The cashier said “ fluctuations “ ‘She replied “ fluc you white people too “ Similar to: What is the odd one out? Q: A crab, a spider, a lobster and a Chinaman who has fallen under a bus? A: A spider. The rest are Crustaceans. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LincolnHearts Posted May 10, 2018 Share Posted May 10, 2018 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jagfox Posted May 11, 2018 Share Posted May 11, 2018 Sad news as the Italian wing of Heinz soups has gone into administrone... 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cerberus Posted May 11, 2018 Share Posted May 11, 2018 Did you know the first French fries weren't cooked in France? They were actually cooked in Grease. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LincolnHearts Posted May 13, 2018 Share Posted May 13, 2018 https://politicaluk.com/2018/05/uk-wins-eurovision-song-contest-after-diane-abbott-counts-the-votes/ -1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jagfox Posted May 19, 2018 Share Posted May 19, 2018 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted May 20, 2018 Share Posted May 20, 2018 A topical one: Knock Knock Who's there? Yanny Laurel who.....? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LondonHMFC Posted May 25, 2018 Share Posted May 25, 2018 I offended a couple of guys today because I referred to them as hipsters. Apparently the correct term is 'conjoined twins.' 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LincolnHearts Posted May 25, 2018 Share Posted May 25, 2018 A binman knocks on a Chinese take-away door. A China man answer's "harro, wot u wan". The binman asks "where's ya bin", "I bin on loo" says the China man. "No mate, where's ya dustbin", "I dust bin on loo" says the China man. "No, no mate, where's ur wheelie bin". "Hokay, I wheelie bin havin a w**k. Thank you. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jagfox Posted May 30, 2018 Share Posted May 30, 2018 I went to the local bookshop and asked if they had the new book on micro penises.. the assistant had a look on her computer and and said "i don't think its in yet...", and i replied "yep, thats the one!" 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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