Eednud Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 Doctor: Hello Mr Fawcett what appears to be the problem? Mr F: Well I'm afraid I can't pronounce my f's or my t's. Doctor: Well you can't say fairer than that. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Lambies Doos Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 People fact checking on a joke thread! Fucking hell. Are you not due to f**k off to Lanzarote for 2 weeks..... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 Doctor: Hello Mr Fawcett what appears to be the problem? Mr F: Well I'm afraid I can't pronounce my f's or my t's. Doctor: Well you can't say fairer than that. Are you not due to f**k off to Lanzarote for 2 weeks..... He wouldn't be able to say the above sentence either then. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Lambies Doos Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 He wouldn't be able to say the above sentence either then. Now let's not get too factual here. We don't want to upset old man danger 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 3 hours ago, John Lambies Doos said: Is it not the 6th due to the orthodox calender being exactly 2 weeks behind? 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
djchapsticks Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 1 hour ago, Eednud said: Doctor: Hello Mr Fawcett what appears to be the problem? Mr F: Well I'm afraid I can't pronounce my f's or my t's. Doctor: Well you can't say fairer than that. How did he manage to successfully tell the doctor his issue if he can't pronounce the letters he's having trouble with?... "I'm araid I can pronounce my or my" would be what the Doctor is faced with. Wouldnt the doctor think the patients name was Mr Awce? This joke has so many plot holes. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 9 hours ago, djchapsticks said: How did he manage to successfully tell the doctor his issue if he can't pronounce the letters he's having trouble with?... "I'm araid I can pronounce my or my" would be what the Doctor is faced with. Wouldnt the doctor think the patients name was Mr Awce? This joke has so many plot holes. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cardinal Richelieu Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 Shit just got real in the joke thread. The last couple of jokes have failed to pass muster. Please rigorously fact-check all facets of the joke before posting. Signed. A. Buzzkill 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny Danger Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 15 hours ago, John Lambies Doos said: Now let's not get too factual here. We don't want to upset old man danger I’ve just checked. You're a c**t. That’s a fact. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Lambies Doos Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 I’ve just checked. You're a c**t. That’s a fact. Ah GD.... Don't be like that.... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 Steven Gerrard is set to release a book about his time at Liverpool. It won’t have a title. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Mantis Posted January 16, 2018 Share Posted January 16, 2018 Man in library: "Have you got any books on suicide?" Librarian: "f**k off, you won't bring it back." 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted January 16, 2018 Share Posted January 16, 2018 I must've been an ugly child. Barry Bennell made me sleep in my own bed. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted January 16, 2018 Share Posted January 16, 2018 A bank robber's mask slips. He asks the teller "Would you recognise me again? The teller says yes so the robber shoots him. He does the same to the next teller". Then he asks a guy in the queue, "would you recognise me"? Guys says, "no, but my wife would". 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 A guy in a wheelchair just pinched my camouflage jacket. He can hide, but he can’t run. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jagfox Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 I just saw Bonnie Tyler hanging around the sweets aisle in my local Sainsburys. I think she was holding out for an Aero... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alta-pete Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 A husband and wife who work for the circus go to an adoption agency where social workers raise doubts about their suitability.The couple produce photos of their 30-foot motor home, which is clean, well maintained, and equipped with a beautiful nursery.The social workers raise concerns about the education the child would receive while in the couple's care. "We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects, along with French, Mandarin, and computing skills," they’re told.Then the social workers express concern about a child being raised in a circus environment."The child will be surrounded by family, but we’ve also retained a nanny who’s a certified expert in paediatric care, welfare, and diet."The social workers are finally satisfied and ask, "What age child are you ideally hoping to adopt?""Doesn't really matter, as long as she fits in the cannon..." 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 8 hours ago, jagfox99 said: I just saw Bonnie Tyler hanging around the sweets aisle in my local Sainsburys. I think she was holding out for an Aero... and having scoffed baked beans, sprouts and a leftover curry she let out a guff which blocked the sunlight. It was a total eclipse of the fart. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buchan30 Posted January 21, 2018 Share Posted January 21, 2018 My wife told me she wants to move to a smaller house. She says we’ve got far too many pointless rooms and she’s fed up of all the cleaning!I told her I strongly disagreed, we argued and it didn't go well. That's it for me now - I’m away to sulk in the masturbatorium... 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted January 21, 2018 Share Posted January 21, 2018 Saw a WPC on a police horse at the football the other day. I said to a polisman "That horse is foaming at the mouth" He replied "so would you be if you had my wife's legs wrapped around your neck" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.