PB 4.2 Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 (edited) 5 minutes ago, sjc said: Did @keithgy drop your parcel or something? He took exception to me doubting that during his training he was told to drive with a 10 second gap, and to never emerge into traffic if he broke this traffic gap, albeit back or front. The HC suggests a 2 second gap. After that he banned me. around 200 times despite never receiving a warning point. Edited December 31, 2017 by PB 4.2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 33 minutes ago, killiepiemuncher said: Was your balls in your eyes when you hit the delete button by mistake. No, they were throbber's. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny Danger Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 32 minutes ago, GordonD said: No, they were throbber's. ^^^^ Post Of 2017 I’ll try to forget. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 @Granny Danger 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The DA Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 13 hours ago, sjc said: I mentioned you at the table whilst having mushroom tempura today. Sadly no chips though You fry mushrooms in batter and it's a 'healthy Mediterranean diet'. Replace the mushrooms with a Mars Bar and all of a sudden it's 'a Scottish heart attack waiting to happen'. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 What’s the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping tom? One snatches your watch, the other watches your snatch. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 Got a late Christmas present today - the new Ed Sheeran album 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 A Scotsman, Englishman, Irishman and stunning blonde are sitting on a train. The train goes through a tunnel and is plunged into darkness when all of a sudden, a loud 'smack' can be heard. When the train emerges back into daylight, the Englishman is sitting holding his face which is now bright red. The Irishman thinks "he must have made a move on her in the tunnel and she's slapped him, good on her" The blonde thinks "he must have wanted to feel me up and got one of them by mistake, and they've whacked him" The Englishman thinks "someone must have tried it on with her, and she thought it was me" The Scotsman thinks "I can't wait for another tunnel so I can smack that English b*****d again" 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LincolnHearts Posted January 4, 2018 Share Posted January 4, 2018 Had to go to the Doctors the other day and was a bit embarrassed when I discovered that my new Doctor is drop-dead gorgeous with a cracking pair of jugs. Seeing that I was blushing and struggling to spit out what was up, she chuckled and said 'I might only be 30, but I've seen it all before. Tell me what's wrong and I'll check it out.' 'Ok' I said. 'My wife thinks my knob tastes funny.' -1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted January 4, 2018 Share Posted January 4, 2018 A certain (now closed) thread has reminded me of this joke.. A dad comes storming into the Headmaster's office. "What's this about suspending my Johnny?" Head "Mr Smith, Johnny has been suspended for weeing in the pool during swimming lessons." Mr Smith: "Aye, but surely lots of pupils do that and it's not something you should be suspended for" Head "It is if you do it from the top board" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 Going to sell all my old John Lennon memorabilia on eBay. Imagine all the PayPal. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 Went to a fancy dress party wearing only my underwear - Host - what are you meant to be? Me - a premature ejaculation Host - what? Me - I’ve just come in my pants 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Mantis Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 This old guy sitting on a park bench. Opposite him is a young guy with a full Mohican, red, green, blue, yellow. Eventually the young guy goes, “hey, stop staring at me you old c**t!” “Oh sorry pal. 16 years ago I shagged a parrot. I was just wondering if I was your dad”. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cardinal Richelieu Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 Merry Christmas to all P+B's Russian Orthodox members. Never realised they don't celebrate Christmas till the 7th January. How unorthodox. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LincolnHearts Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Mantis Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 An office manager had to fire an employee, either Jack or Jill… He thought he’d fire the employee who came late to work. The next morning, both employees came to work very early. So the manager thought he would fire the first one who took a coffee break. Unfortunately, neither employee took a coffee break. Then the manager decided to see who took the longest lunch break – strangely, neither Jack nor Jill took a lunch break that day, they both ate at their desk. Then the manager thought he’d wait to see who would leave work the earliest, but both employees worked on. Jill finally went to the coat rack and the manager went up to her and said, “Jill, I have a terrible problem. I don’t know whether to lay you or Jack off.” Jill said, “Well, you’d better jack off, because I’m late for my bus.” 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Lambies Doos Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 Merry Christmas to all P+B's Russian Orthodox members. Never realised they don't celebrate Christmas till the 7th January. How unorthodox. Is it not the 6th due to the orthodox calender being exactly 2 weeks behind? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cardinal Richelieu Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 5 minutes ago, John Lambies Doos said: Is it not the 6th due to the orthodox calender being exactly 2 weeks behind? Surely that would be the 8th January then? Anyway: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas_in_Russia 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Lambies Doos Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 Surely that would be the 8th January then? Anyway: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas_in_Russia Yes, you are correct.. I had said epiphany. Didn't read article but I think most slavic countries celebrate on Christmas eve... so 7th would make sense. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny Danger Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 People fact checking on a joke thread! Fucking hell. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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