GordonD Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 In the front row of one of those American-style self-improvement meetings are three women accompanied by their daughters. They've all filled in forms explaining what they hope to gain from the meeting so the presenter is aware of who's who. He comes on stage and points to the first woman. "Your problem is that you're obsessed with alcohol. You can't get enough of it. You even named your daughter 'Sherry'!" The woman grumbles a bit but doesn't reply. The guy says to the second woman, "Your problem is tobacco! You're a chain smoker - you even named your daughter 'Virginia'!" The third woman nudges her daughter and says, "C'mon, Fanny, I'm not staying here to be insulted!" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philpy Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 What do you call a Celtic fan with a big arse??Tim Kardashian. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jagfox Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 10 minutes ago, philpy said: What do you call a Celtic fan with a big arse?? Tim Kardashian. ^^^ reported 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 Paddy goes for an interview... Interviewer - you will only earn £7.10 an hour but then it goes up to £12.50 after six months Paddy - that’s great Interviewer - when can you start? Paddy - in six months 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 Just had my neighbour banging on my door shouting “quick can i use your phone? A Man United fan has been knocked down and is bleeding to death!”. When I asked why he couldn’t use his own phone, he replied “the camera on mine is shit”. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kennysmassiveego Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 As a young boy I was blessed with an 8 inch cock Unfortunately it belonged to father O’Reilly 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kennysmassiveego Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 After having sex with a rough council estate girl there’s nothing worse than looking down and seeing a split and leaking condom hanging off your cock . Especially when you weren’t wearing one to begin with ... 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kennysmassiveego Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 I’m sick to death of people knocking my door looking for donations . Just had one woman from the sperm bank.... Boy did I give her a mouthful !! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted February 3, 2019 Share Posted February 3, 2019 Someone has broken into my local rescue shelter and released all the dogs. Police are desperately searching for leads. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kennysmassiveego Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 My son got kicked out of school today for letting a girl in his class w**k him off !! I said “son that’s 3 schools this year , maybe teaching isn’t for you “ 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnnydun Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 23 hours ago, IainMorton said: Someone has broken into my local rescue shelter and released all the dogs. Police are desperately searching for leads. All the toilets were stolen from Queen street police station. Police say they have nothing to go on. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kmeister Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 A large home has appeared in George Square. Police are looking in to it. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 On 03/02/2019 at 17:02, IainMorton said: Someone has broken into my local rescue shelter and released all the dogs. Police are desperately searching for leads. 29 minutes ago, johnnydun said: All the toilets were stolen from Queen street police station. Police say they have nothing to go on. 12 minutes ago, Kmeister said: A large home has appeared in George Square. Police are looking in to it. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 4 minutes ago, GordonD said: “Scenes we’d like to see” actually. Where I get most of my jokes here from 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 25 minutes ago, Kmeister said: A large home has appeared in George Square. Police are looking in to it. Is it a bungalow? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cardinal Richelieu Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 1 hour ago, Kmeister said: A large home has appeared in George Square. Police are looking in to it. Oh Kmeister 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 1 hour ago, Kmeister said: A large homo has appeared in George Square. Police are looking in to it. This is the 21st century for christ's sake. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kmeister Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 Corrective text and not paying attention. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpma Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 1 hour ago, Kmeister said: A large home has appeared in George Square. Police are looking in to it. Searching for Dorothy? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 21 minutes ago, Helpma said: Searching for Dorothy? She's probably a few streets along in the Merchant City. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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