BillyAnchor Posted November 19, 2022 Share Posted November 19, 2022 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauriestonBairn Posted November 19, 2022 Share Posted November 19, 2022 A lorry load of vicks has just overturned on the M9 Police say there will be no congestion for up to 8 hours. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottsdad Posted November 19, 2022 Share Posted November 19, 2022 A van load of Viagara was stolen yesterday. Police say they are looking for hardened criminals. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kilMARKnock Posted November 20, 2022 Share Posted November 20, 2022 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch Stanton Posted November 25, 2022 Share Posted November 25, 2022 The cost of living crisis is affecting everyone. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted November 25, 2022 Share Posted November 25, 2022 I bumped into a Dalek the other day "Where are you going?" I asked it "DEVON" it replied "Oh, where about?" I asked It replied "EXETER MATE EXETER MATE EXETER MATE" 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silvio Tattiescone Posted November 25, 2022 Share Posted November 25, 2022 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buchan30 Posted November 25, 2022 Share Posted November 25, 2022 Just been to buy my xmas tree and the guy in the shop asked “are you going to put it up yourself” i said no, i’m go put it up in the living room. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superwell87 Posted December 1, 2022 Share Posted December 1, 2022 I have started a band called 999 Megabytes. We still haven't gotten a gig. 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted December 1, 2022 Share Posted December 1, 2022 My last job I was pulling off miracles on a daily basis, working for Motown wasn't as glamorous as I thought it would be. 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauriestonBairn Posted December 3, 2022 Share Posted December 3, 2022 How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauriestonBairn Posted December 3, 2022 Share Posted December 3, 2022 What do you use to cut a roman emperors hair? Caesars 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buchan30 Posted December 3, 2022 Share Posted December 3, 2022 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted December 3, 2022 Share Posted December 3, 2022 . 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted December 6, 2022 Share Posted December 6, 2022 . 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loonytoons Posted December 6, 2022 Share Posted December 6, 2022 My mate said "for Halloween this year I'm dressing as an Italian island". I said "don't be so silly".My wife told me I couldn't go as a French island."Course I can" I replied. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alta-pete Posted December 6, 2022 Share Posted December 6, 2022 9 hours ago, 19QOS19 said: . Matt? From The Telegraph? And you, in Dumfries & Galloway? Definitely not a Tory… 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superwell87 Posted December 6, 2022 Share Posted December 6, 2022 A blind pilot walks onto a plane waving his walking stick. The passengers all look at each other in disbelief. The flight attendant gets on the PA and says, "Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the captain is legally blind, but rest assured, he is one of the best pilots in the world with over six thousand successful flights." Next the co-pilot makes his way to the plane and he is also blind and uses his walking stick to make it to the cabin. The flight attendant gets on the PA and says, "Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the co-pilot is also blind, but rest assured, he is the second best pilot in the world with over five thousand successful flights." At this point the plane begins to take off from the runway. As it gains speed, the passengers grow tenser. The plane keeps accelerating more and more and as it approaches the end of the runway, it still hasn't left the ground. The plane is approaching the end of the runway at high speed and the passengers scream, "Oh my God, we're all going to die!!" Suddenly, the plane takes off and begins its ascent. The pilot turns to the co-pilot and says, "The day they stop screaming, we're screwed." 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jagfox Posted December 10, 2022 Share Posted December 10, 2022 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duszek Posted December 10, 2022 Share Posted December 10, 2022 People are always shocked when they discover I’m not a qualified electrician. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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