LincolnHearts Posted October 2, 2021 Share Posted October 2, 2021 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tarapoa Posted October 2, 2021 Share Posted October 2, 2021 Accidentally sent a naked photo of myself to everyone in my address book.Not only was it embarrassing, it cost a fortune in stamps.Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
microdave Posted October 2, 2021 Share Posted October 2, 2021 Due to the fuel shortage, Chris Rea has started walking home for Christmas.Sent from my SM-G973F using Tapatalk 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin.Hood Posted October 3, 2021 Share Posted October 3, 2021 For sale, barely used DeLorean. Only driven from time to time. 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eednud Posted October 3, 2021 Share Posted October 3, 2021 Went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. I noticed four gravediggers walking about with a coffin. When I was about to leave a little while later they were still walking about with it. Thought to myself they’ve lost the plot! 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted October 4, 2021 Share Posted October 4, 2021 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LincolnHearts Posted October 4, 2021 Share Posted October 4, 2021 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aufc Posted October 4, 2021 Share Posted October 4, 2021 I nearly ran out of petrol yesterday and just made it. I was so emotional that I started filling up 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted October 5, 2021 Share Posted October 5, 2021 So William Shatner is to fly into space aboard Jeff Bezos's spacecraft. Let's hope they don't give him a window seat! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted October 5, 2021 Share Posted October 5, 2021 There's been a catastrophic flood at the lemonade factory. 10 workers were Schwepped away.. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyAnchor Posted October 7, 2021 Share Posted October 7, 2021 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted October 7, 2021 Share Posted October 7, 2021 With no Facebook I had to talk to the wife. Apparently she doesn't work at Woolworth's any more. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin.Hood Posted October 7, 2021 Share Posted October 7, 2021 What did the daddy buffalo say to baby buffalo when he grew up and went to college? Bison. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alta-pete Posted October 7, 2021 Share Posted October 7, 2021 What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison….? you can’t wash your hands in a buffalo….. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted October 7, 2021 Share Posted October 7, 2021 What did the French bison say to Sarah Michelle Gellar? Hey Buff, allo! (sorry....) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyAnchor Posted October 9, 2021 Share Posted October 9, 2021 On 07/10/2021 at 15:22, alta-pete said: What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison….? you can’t wash your hands in a buffalo….. Reported for homophobia 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted October 9, 2021 Share Posted October 9, 2021 Father Donnelly is doing his rounds and he meets Mrs O'Neill. "How are you doing Mrs O'Neill?" "Oh Father, me and Patrick have been trying for a baby for years. We've had no luck. We'd just love a wee one but we've not been blessed" Father Donnelly says "Well, they're sending me to the Vatican on a sabbatical next week. I'll light a candle and say a prayer for you to be blessed with a family" After a number of years away the priest returns to the village and meets Mrs O'Neill. "Oh Father, it's a miracle. When you left I became pregnant and gave birth to little Mary. Then came Seamus, Sean, Bernadette, the twins. Now I'm expecting triplets" "That's fantastic, Mrs O'Neill. How's Patrick doing?" "Father, he's taking a trip to Rome next week" "Oh, is that to give thanks for the miracle of his children?" "Oh no, Father, he says he's going there to blow out your fecking candle .." 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Clockwork Posted October 12, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted October 12, 2021 While riding my Triumph, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low-cut blouse with a cleavage to die for."I'm okay I think." I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.She said, "Get in and I'll take you home, so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head.""That's nice of you," I answered, "But I don't think my wife will like me doing that!""Oh, come now, I'm a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."Don't be silly!" she said with a smile. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?""My guess is that she's still in the ditch." 27 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarcastic Bairn Posted October 12, 2021 Share Posted October 12, 2021 When the wife felt her husband begin to touch her in ways he hadn’t in quite some time, it almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then slid his hand across her shoulders and neck, slowly worked it down one side, then the other, stopping just over her lower stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed downward again, working down her side, passed gently over and then in between her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent. As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, “That was wonderful. Why did you stop?” “I found the remote,” he said. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyAnchor Posted October 15, 2021 Share Posted October 15, 2021 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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