Things P&B educated you about.

[The_Kincardine]

Never, ever to say, "Football's the winner" when there's still 3 minutes on the clock.

[zidane's child]

That if you put coleslaw on a pizza you're a tink

[Romeo]

I have been insisting she comes running and swimming with me a few times a week and its paid off! She was never overweight according to her BMI, just a bit of flab due to too much crisps/wine.

 

I think we'll be the judges of that Throbber, probably best to post a picture, preferably naked.

 

Nothing pervy of course, just so we can make sure you are telling the truth.

[The_Kincardine]

I think we'll be the judges of that Throbber, probably best to post a picture, preferably naked.

That, despite my best efforts, some people don't know the difference between, "Post a picture, naked" and "Post a naked picture".

[Romeo]

That, despite my best efforts, some people don't know the difference between, "Post a picture, naked" and "Post a naked picture".

 

Ah...yes.....

 

Just to clarify.

 

Thobber, post a picture you have taken, of your missus in which she has no clothes on.

[DDcups]

Cooking your pets gets you 9k.

You can go on a cruise to Russia.

[Dindeleux]

I have learned (or taught others) that you can save time by brushing your teeth whilst taking a shit.

[Mark Connolly]

Ah...yes.....

 

Just to clarify.

 

Thobber, post a picture you have taken, of your missus in which she has no clothes on.

 

No selfies his mrs has taken herself allowed then?

[P45]

Grown men watch Britain's Got Talent.

[Bobby Skidmarks]

Britains Got Talent always reminds me of my daughter being born.

She was 5 days early and we had went to a funeral that day and luckily I'd stayed off the beer at the wake. We drove home around 7 and she said she was going for a bath so I sat down and the final was the only thing on. She came in about half an hour later and said her waters had broke. I said "are you sure you didn't get a lot of bathwater up your fanny" she genuinely looked like she couldn't believe I was the father of her kid.

To this day I never found out who won.

[Ad Lib]

I learned on this forum that some people are content still to do the dirty with their partners even when it's their time of the month.

I regret being made aware of this.

[KnightswoodBear]

Britains Got Talent always reminds me of my daughter being born.

She was 5 days early and we had went to a funeral that day and luckily I'd stayed off the beer at the wake. We drove home around 7 and she said she was going for a bath so I sat down and the final was the only thing on. She came in about half an hour later and said her waters had broke. I said "are you sure you didn't get a lot of bathwater up your fanny" she genuinely looked like she couldn't believe I was the father of her kid.

To this day I never found out who won.

Not the bairn, anyway.

[mjw]

I learned on this forum that some people are content still to do the dirty with their partners even when it's their time of the month.

I regret being made aware of this.

Lucky b*****ds getting sex every month that doesn't include their birthday or Christmas.

[Deeboy]

Jocky's in cherge, cuntos.

[Fudge]

I learned on this forum that some people are content still to do the dirty with their partners even when it's their time of the month.

I regret being made aware of this.

 

[The_Kincardine]

I learned on this forum that some people are content still to do the dirty with their partners even when it's their time of the month.

Libby, when you become an adult you'll also learn that this isn't a male-only phenomenon and that there's no reason to call it 'dirty'.  Messy, maybe...

[Dee Man]

Britains Got Talent always reminds me of my daughter being born.

She was 5 days early and we had went to a funeral that day and luckily I'd stayed off the beer at the wake. We drove home around 7 and she said she was going for a bath so I sat down and the final was the only thing on. She came in about half an hour later and said her waters had broke. I said "are you sure you didn't get a lot of bathwater up your fanny" she genuinely looked like she couldn't believe I was the father of her kid.

To this day I never found out who won.

"Ah, one out and one in - it's always the way isn't it?"

"Shut the f**k up gran".

[RawB93]

To quote sir Danny of Dyer - I just can't get me nut around why anyone wouldn't just take toast out of the toaster one slice at a time.

[Grim O'Grady]

If all else fails "kick her in the pie". (Good)

That people chomp their gums over 1 word at the end of every post. (Bad)

Grimbo

[throbber]

Britains Got Talent always reminds me of my daughter being born.

She was 5 days early and we had went to a funeral that day and luckily I'd stayed off the beer at the wake. We drove home around 7 and she said she was going for a bath so I sat down and the final was the only thing on. She came in about half an hour later and said her waters had broke. I said "are you sure you didn't get a lot of bathwater up your fanny" she genuinely looked like she couldn't believe I was the father of her kid.

To this day I never found out who won.

In the early months of our relationship me and the gf were about to embark on a short journey, maybe half an hour back to hers and she had unexpectedly got her time of the month and wanted me to go to the shop and get her some pads. I suggested she rolled up some toilet roll as a make shift idea until we got to hers, the reaction I got was probably similar to how your Mrs reacted.