Hedgecutter Posted December 16, 2019 Share Posted December 16, 2019 20 minutes ago, HenryHill said: It's all her fault. Just get shitfaced on the day and offend everyone. Burn the Turkey. Piss on the coats. You will have a belting time and they won't accept the invite ever again. Shit on her face, piss on the turkey and burn their coats. Alright 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HenryHill Posted December 16, 2019 Share Posted December 16, 2019 1 hour ago, Hedgecutter said: Shit on her face, piss on the turkey and burn their coats. Alright Any combination ought to do the trick. She created the situation, you are merely dealing with it. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaz FFC Posted December 16, 2019 Share Posted December 16, 2019 5 hours ago, Hedgecutter said: My other half 'offered' to host Christmas for her mum and dad this year merely as a token gesture with the presumption that they'd say no and that we could continue going to theirs. Well, they only went and accepted, and now I'm being asked all manner of sh*te like "which napkins would you prefer for Christmas Dinner?". Of course, I'm now being accused of not caring, which is a fairly accurate observation tbf. Tesco value kitchen roll is clearly the wrong answer. The one plus side I thought was that we could get whatever we wanted as for the first time we'd be running the show. Of course, any suggestion I make is met with "she doesn't really like that / they probably won't try it / will you eat all that yourself???". So basically 'their Xmas' in our house. I love that her mum and dad did an absolute number on you pair. Hopefully have a fly quickie upstairs in your house too 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Busta Nut Posted December 16, 2019 Share Posted December 16, 2019 6 hours ago, Hedgecutter said: and now I'm being asked all manner of sh*te like "which napkins would you prefer for Christmas Dinner?". Of course, I'm now being accused of not caring, which is a fairly accurate observation tbf. Tesco value kitchen roll is clearly the wrong answer. . I get asked shite like this all the time. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peasy23 Posted December 17, 2019 Share Posted December 17, 2019 In February I was dragged along to Les Miserables. It's December and I'm at Les Miserables.Do you hear the people sing? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bernardblack Posted December 18, 2019 Share Posted December 18, 2019 When I come in from a night out the goal is get in, get some water and get to bed as quietly as possible.....Mrs BB had her Xmas night out last night....I was up at 530 this morning.The kind soul I am left out the stuff she would need for getting ready for bed in the main bathroom....She comes in...front door slammed shut, straight upstairs to the en suite (not the main bathroom)...lights on....gets downstairs....microwave on...telly on....Long story short I’m out on Saturday and now looking for estimates for a 25 piece marching band to play me in when I get back to the house 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted December 18, 2019 Share Posted December 18, 2019 10 minutes ago, bernardblack said: Long story short I’m out on Saturday and now looking for estimates for a 25 piece marching band to play me in when I get back to the house Big team found. 19 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron Aldo Posted December 18, 2019 Share Posted December 18, 2019 When I come in from a night out the goal is get in, get some water and get to bed as quietly as possible.....Mrs BB had her Xmas night out last night....I was up at 530 this morning.The kind soul I am left out the stuff she would need for getting ready for bed in the main bathroom....She comes in...front door slammed shut, straight upstairs to the en suite (not the main bathroom)...lights on....gets downstairs....microwave on...telly on....Long story short I’m out on Saturday and now looking for estimates for a 25 piece marching band to play me in when I get back to the house I feel your pain. I picked Mrs Aldo up from her night out last Saturday. Of course picking her up then involved a surprise magical mystery tour to drop off 2 of her pals.She then proceeds to talk utter shite on the way home and then decides to make scran once we get in but kindly leaves me the mess to tidy up in the morning.It's my night out this Friday and she's picking me up. I full intend on being a right steaming arsehole. Will also be offering as many colleagues as possible a free lift home. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bairnardo Posted December 18, 2019 Share Posted December 18, 2019 I feel your pain. I picked Mrs Aldo up from her night out last Saturday. Of course picking her up then involved a surprise magical mystery tour to drop off 2 of her pals.She then proceeds to talk utter shite on the way home and then decides to make scran once we get in but kindly leaves me the mess to tidy up in the morning.It's my night out this Friday and she's picking me up. I full intend on being a right steaming arsehole. Will also be offering as many colleagues as possible a free lift home. It would be good if you were a clown to trade, can get fucking loads of them in a car. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bairnardo Posted December 18, 2019 Share Posted December 18, 2019 Mrs B is silently raging today as she is feeling pretty unwell and has the kids at home. She is of the opinion that I should just leave my work (new job, started last week) and go home to look after the kids. Evidently, she thinks this is a reasonable thing to expect. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted December 19, 2019 Share Posted December 19, 2019 Last night after another hard day at the coal face, I come in and they’re sitting about on their arses. “Right, bairn, wife, tea then?” ”I’m not really that hungry blah blah” ”fine I’ll make something for the bairn and me” (again) Fast forward 20 minutes. ”ooh I’m hungry now is there enough for me?” Twat. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bairnardo Posted December 19, 2019 Share Posted December 19, 2019 Last night after another hard day at the coal face, I come in and they’re sitting about on their arses. “Right, bairn, wife, tea then?” ”I’m not really that hungry blah blah” ”fine I’ll make something for the bairn and me” (again) Fast forward 20 minutes. ”ooh I’m hungry now is there enough for me?” Twat.What did you make? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted December 19, 2019 Share Posted December 19, 2019 41 minutes ago, Bairnardo said: 1 hour ago, Melanius Mullarkey said: Last night after another hard day at the coal face, I come in and they’re sitting about on their arses. “Right, bairn, wife, tea then?” ”I’m not really that hungry blah blah” ”fine I’ll make something for the bairn and me” (again) Fast forward 20 minutes. ”ooh I’m hungry now is there enough for me?” Twat. What did you make? A Pot Noodle (Beef and Tomato). Spoiler I was actually heating through a beef bourguignon id made the night before and making some mashed tatties. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted December 19, 2019 Share Posted December 19, 2019 7 hours ago, Melanius Mullarkey said: A Pot Noodle (Beef and Tomato). Hide contents I was actually heating through a beef bourguignon id made the night before and making some mashed tatties. I hope you weren't hogging the cooker. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bigmouth Strikes Again Posted December 19, 2019 Share Posted December 19, 2019 (edited) 8 hours ago, Melanius Mullarkey said: Hide contents I was actually heating through a beef bourguignon id made the night before and making some mashed tatties. eta. Same haircut. Edited December 19, 2019 by Bigmouth Strikes Again 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted December 19, 2019 Share Posted December 19, 2019 4 minutes ago, Bigmouth Strikes Again said: eta. Same haircut. What is that large brown thing Ainsley is gripping? It clearly gives him a great deal of pleasure. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony Ferrino Posted December 19, 2019 Share Posted December 19, 2019 She's incapable of saying 'bin bags' or 'bin liners' and instead comes out with 'bin bag liners' every time. 20 years ago it was sort of endearing but now just fucks me off. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arabdownunder Posted December 20, 2019 Share Posted December 20, 2019 The next night Last night after another hard day at the coal face, I come in and they’re sitting about on their arses. “Right, bairn, wife, tea then?” ”I’m not really that hungry blah blah” ”fine I’ll make something for the bairn and me” (again) Fast forward 20 minutes. ”I've made tea, there's enough for you if you want”"I told you i wasn't hungry, why did you do that?" Twat.Amirite? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted December 20, 2019 Share Posted December 20, 2019 9 hours ago, Tony Ferrino said: She's incapable of saying 'bin bags' or 'bin liners' and instead comes out with 'bin bag liners' every time. 20 years ago it was sort of endearing but now just fucks me off. Brilliant. 2 hours ago, Arabdownunder said: The next night Amirite? Ad Infinitum. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaz FFC Posted December 20, 2019 Share Posted December 20, 2019 On 18/12/2019 at 13:55, Bairnardo said: Mrs B is silently raging today as she is feeling pretty unwell and has the kids at home. She is of the opinion that I should just leave my work (new job, started last week) and go home to look after the kids. Evidently, she thinks this is a reasonable thing to expect. My wife works 3 days a week as we just had a wee 1. She moans all the time about how much I work at the moment. Last week I finally flipped and pointed out we are down X because You're working less. Spending a lot more because of baby expenses and your excellent economic suggestion is I work/earn less? Made a right c**t of her and put her in her place. Cow 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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