JamesP_81 Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 We'll both be eating the same thing, and she will ask me if it's good before she even starts hers. I tell her If she eats hers she'll fucking find out what it tastes like. Still fucking annoying all the same. She asks me this exact thing just as my first forkful is halfway to my mouth, every single time guaranteed! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2lgm Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 There are mornings I wake up alone, due to the abuse I apparently give her during the night, usually after a few beers. She thinks I’m aware of what I’m doing ffsI’ve punched and kicked my Mrs during the night when I’ve been fighting with someone or playing fives in my dreams. She’s took a couple of hits. Threatened single beds a number of times. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bairnardo Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 I’ve punched and kicked my Mrs during the night when I’ve been fighting with someone or playing fives in my dreams. She’s took a couple of hits. Threatened single beds a number of times. Mrs B once woke me up as I had her in a sort of headlock, and had begun tightening my grip. I had been dreaming about strangling my old PE teacher. Thankfully, she told everyone she knows about this, so the foundations of a credible defence have already been laid for when..... well you know. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Florentine_Pogen Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 37 minutes ago, Bairnardo said: Mrs B once woke me up as I had her in a sort of headlock, and had begun tightening my grip. I had been dreaming about strangling my old PE teacher. Thankfully, she told everyone she knows about this, so the foundations of a credible defence have already been laid for when..... well you know. https://www.theguardian.com/uk/2009/nov/20/brian-thomas-dream-strangler-tragedy Help is available........... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Academically Deficient Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 (edited) 52 minutes ago, 2lgm said: I’ve punched and kicked my Mrs during the night when I’ve been fighting with someone or playing fives in my dreams. She’s took a couple of hits. Threatened single beds a number of times. A regular occurrence for me too. One time I narrowly missed her face with a vicious right hook whilst fighting someone in a dream. I kick her legs and and punch her back frequently whilst asleep. I'm scared of her in real life so would never do it consciously. Cos I wouldn't be conscious for long Edited September 7, 2020 by Academically Deficient Spelling 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Steele Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 The plan sounded fine. Mrs SL wanted a tall plant for the hall. It would have to be a plastic one as there's not enough natural light for a real plant to survive. So far, so good. Except she got the measurements wrong and the only way this bloody triffid could fit in the hall would be to cut a hole in the ceiling. And now she tells me it would cost more than the purchase price to send it back. I'd pay to send her back right now. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arabdownunder Posted September 8, 2020 Share Posted September 8, 2020 6 hours ago, The Skelpit Lug said: The plan sounded fine. Mrs SL wanted a tall plant for the hall. It would have to be a plastic one as there's not enough natural light for a real plant to survive. So far, so good. Except she got the measurements wrong and the only way this bloody triffid could fit in the hall would be to cut a hole in the ceiling. And now she tells me it would cost more than the purchase price to send it back. I'd pay to send her back right now. Only got yourself to blame for taking her word on the measurements IMO. Rookie error. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Man Posted September 8, 2020 Author Share Posted September 8, 2020 We've got built-in drawers at the bottom of our bed with the middle one being mine which I use frequently. Yesterday she had decided to place the 3 million cushions that usually sit on our bed in front of the drawers for some reason rather than against the wall when they're not on the bed. This was enough of a pain in the arse as it is but when I asked her not to do it again, she said, "I knew you were going to say that when I put them there". 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mishtergrolsch Posted September 8, 2020 Share Posted September 8, 2020 1 hour ago, Dee Man said: We've got built-in drawers at the bottom of our bed with the middle one being mine which I use frequently. Yesterday she had decided to place the 3 million cushions that usually sit on our bed in front of the drawers for some reason rather than against the wall when they're not on the bed. This was enough of a pain in the arse as it is but when I asked her not to do it again, she said, "I knew you were going to say that when I put them there". This is infuriating enough. Why put shit you're obviously going to have to move on the bed before you get in? Then theres an area of the room cluttered to f**k with cushions. Then place it all back on the bed once its made. Waste of time and effort imo. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Man Posted September 8, 2020 Author Share Posted September 8, 2020 2 minutes ago, mishtergrolsch said: This is infuriating enough. Why put shit you're obviously going to have to move on the bed before you get in? Then theres an area of the room cluttered to f**k with cushions. Then place it all back on the bed once its made. Waste of time and effort imo. "Because it looks pretty", apparently. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mishtergrolsch Posted September 8, 2020 Share Posted September 8, 2020 2 hours ago, Dee Man said: "Because it looks pretty", apparently. So does her pal but she's not on our bed. 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Man Posted September 8, 2020 Author Share Posted September 8, 2020 9 minutes ago, mishtergrolsch said: So does her pal but she's not on our bed. PM me for seduction techniques, m8. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhiteRoseKillie Posted September 8, 2020 Share Posted September 8, 2020 (edited) 5 hours ago, Arabdownunder said: Only got yourself to blame for taking her word on the measurements IMO. Rookie error. We've just been gathering quotes for a new wood floor (living room) and carpet (stairs/top landing) Mrs WRK did the measurements. "I measured last time, then the man came round to check them". "Oh, right - you mean he came to measure properly" - cue major huff from the delightful Mrs WRK. Anyway, we got to the first shop, and she unfolded the paper she'd written the measurements on. Could have been a football pitch or a tea tray, depending on which set of units of measurement you actually used. Fortunately, I'd quietly got the laser measurer out before we left, and still had the quote for the last time the stairs were done. Did I get any thanks for making the experience easier? Did I fúck. This is a woman who almost signed up for a floor for our previous conservatory. She asked me how big it was, so I (old-school) replied, "twelve by ten". She then got a quote for over two grand (!) for a laminate floor fitting, and asked me if that was reasonable. Edited September 8, 2020 by WhiteRoseKillie 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philpy Posted September 8, 2020 Share Posted September 8, 2020 "guess who I saw today??" I don't know, just fucking tell me. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Man Posted September 8, 2020 Author Share Posted September 8, 2020 46 minutes ago, philpy said: "guess who I saw today??" I don't know, just fucking tell me. Was it Neil Buchanan? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaz FFC Posted September 8, 2020 Share Posted September 8, 2020 56 minutes ago, philpy said: "guess who I saw today??" I don't know, just fucking tell me. I get 50 questions whenever she's telling me a story. Made even more annoying when I've got a forkful of food in my mouth. Most of these questions were from tipping point or the chase just to add to the drama. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted September 8, 2020 Share Posted September 8, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, philpy said: "guess who I saw today??" I don't know, just fucking tell me. In a similar vein, this morning I got: Her: "have you heard the news?" (said in serious tone) Me: "no, what?" Her: "guess" Me: "Aberdeen back in lockdown?" Her: "Nope" Me: "what then?!" Her: "You really want to know?" Me: "Yes!" Her: "Gogglebox is back on Friday!" Me: Edited September 8, 2020 by Hedgecutter 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Moonster Posted September 8, 2020 Share Posted September 8, 2020 On 05/09/2020 at 11:11, Billy Jean King said: Running telephone conversation on life ! "That's me on my way home".... " That's me just leaving work". ."I'm just nipping to.... Drives me round the twist. Me: I'll be there for 1pm Her: Okay, text me when you're leaving. Me: Why? Her: So I know when you'll get here. Me: I'll be there for 1pm. *Me, arriving at 1pm* Me: That's me here. Her: I'll be two minutes, not ready yet. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Empty It Posted September 8, 2020 Share Posted September 8, 2020 Me: I'll be there for 1pm Her: Okay, text me when you're leaving. Me: Why? Her: So I know when you'll get here. Me: I'll be there for 1pm. *Me, arriving at 1pm* Me: That's me here. Her: I'll be two minutes, not ready yet.2 minutes? you lucky b*****d! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Moonster Posted September 8, 2020 Share Posted September 8, 2020 8 minutes ago, Empty It said: 2 minutes? you lucky b*****d! No, it's at that point Morgan Freeman narrates and says "she was not two minutes" whilst the camera zooms in on my ever reddening face. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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