C**** on a Train

[Jacksgranda]

22 minutes ago, NJ2 said:

Now off the train. Would like to thank all thoughts and prayers. Thanks to my friends, family and even the haters. We made it.

SAFE

[NJ2]

If I had to get on a train with no earphones, my first port of call would be to make sure to get a new pair of earphones, no matter how cheap or nasty, just to get me through the horror.

iPhone though. Stupid jack thing and I couldn’t see any suitable in WH Smith other Bluetooth ones at £20!

[DiegoDiego]

I'm sat across the aisle from a couple of lesbians. I'll await the conductor and try to read any secret messages.

[GordonD]

1 hour ago, DiegoDiego said:

I'm sat across the aisle from a couple of lesbians. I'll await the conductor and try to read any secret messages.

How can you tell? Is it

or

Edited October 28, 2018 by GordonD

[Jacksgranda]

2 minutes ago, GordonD said:

How can you tell? 

 

 

 

They're eating gay cake.

[GordonD]

1 minute ago, Jacksgranda said:

They're eating gay cake.

Obviously not from that bakery in Belfast

[DiegoDiego]

How can you tell? Is it

or

The latter. I'm verging on dirty old man territory though.

[jimmy boo]

I had a near miss on a train about a year ago.
I was out for my work's christmas night out and got the train home - I'd got a reasonably early one in the hope I'd miss the hordes of drunken people Scotrail alleges don't get to board trains anymore. So I sit myself down and get out my phone hoping for a nice quiet trip home. All seems good, there's only a few folk in the carriage. One lassie sits down a few seats up from me and a couple of seemingly happy drunk lads sit down opposite her. They start joking about and then start having a chat with her, all harmless stuff asking her if she's had a good night and all that. I don't really pay much attention and start scrolling the news on my phone.
One of the guys says 'here I'm away for a piss' and staggers off. This is where it gets uncomfortable. The cheerful banter with the lassie transforms instantly. The guy who is left swivels on his seat so his legs are blocking her into her seat and starts asking her where she's going (Alloa) and that she should get off with them at Stirling. She politely says no thanks, I stop reading my phone and start paying attention. He keeps on at how she should get off at Stirling with them, then his pal comes back. He turns to him and says 'this lassie's so rude. I've invited her to come with us and she won't do it.' then the other one is all 'aww how come? What's wrong with us?'.
So I say fucksake under my breath and get up and sit down across from them and say I don't think she's interested so maybe they should just chat between themselves and leave her alone. The creepy one laughs and asks me what business it is of mine. The lassie's sat concentrating furiously on her phone and wishing she'd got on a different train. I say I think she'd just like to sit on the train and not speak to them, so creepy says 'oh sorry are we making you uncomfortable?' to which she says 'I'd prefer to just sit on my own thanks'. And he says sorry to her.
Thinking OK I've done my good samaritan bit I say 'right are you all OK then?' and he says 'Aye we're OK with her, but we're not OK with you' and squares up to me. His friend's a fat b*****d so not really worried about him, but psycho here looks strong and a lot heavier than I am and I think I'm in for a kicking, but he keeps saying 'See if there weren't cameras on this train I'd kill you' and all that shite. His pal's egging him on while I try to think of a way to get myself out of this situation. At this point the lassie gets up and runs to the next carriage. I think oh great that was the only witness to what's about to happen and start figuring out if I've got any chance here. He's pushing his forehead against mine talking like a growling pitbull saying I'm getting off at Stirling with him (I assure him I am not).
It turns out the lassie had run off to get the guard who comes to break us up and sticks me at one end of the carriage and them at the other. Skin saved, but there's still a good half hour till my stop. The psycho creep starts pacing up and down the carriage like a caged lion or something, I guess he was trying to figure out where the cameras were vs where I was sitting so I think jesus am I going to get stuck into in my new seat? He does that five or six times so I get ready for whatever's coming, then the train arrives at Stirling. They get off laughing happy again only to run into the Polis who are waiting to pick them up. All hell breaks lose on the platform as they get wrestled to the ground and bundled off for a night in the cells. One of the police comes on and has a long chat with the guard, I'm straining to hear it in case I'm next to get arrested but they wander up the carriage I suppose to get a statement off the lassie, who rather than leave me to my fate probably saved me from getting my head kicked in.
I'm glad I prevented a creepy situation for her but I have to wonder if I'd do the same again, drunk folk on trains are the worst.

And the award for the longest post I've ever seen on P&B goes to.......^

[welshbairn]

1 hour ago, MixuFixit said:

I had a near miss on a train about a year ago.

I was out for my work's christmas night out and got the train home - I'd got a reasonably early one in the hope I'd miss the hordes of drunken people Scotrail alleges don't get to board trains anymore. So I sit myself down and get out my phone hoping for a nice quiet trip home. All seems good, there's only a few folk in the carriage. One lassie sits down a few seats up from me and a couple of seemingly happy drunk lads sit down opposite her. They start joking about and then start having a chat with her, all harmless stuff asking her if she's had a good night and all that. I don't really pay much attention and start scrolling the news on my phone.

One of the guys says 'here I'm away for a piss' and staggers off. This is where it gets uncomfortable. The cheerful banter with the lassie transforms instantly. The guy who is left swivels on his seat so his legs are blocking her into her seat and starts asking her where she's going (Alloa) and that she should get off with them at Stirling. She politely says no thanks, I stop reading my phone and start paying attention. He keeps on at how she should get off at Stirling with them, then his pal comes back. He turns to him and says 'this lassie's so rude. I've invited her to come with us and she won't do it.' then the other one is all 'aww how come? What's wrong with us?'.

So I say fucksake under my breath and get up and sit down across from them and say I don't think she's interested so maybe they should just chat between themselves and leave her alone. The creepy one laughs and asks me what business it is of mine. The lassie's sat concentrating furiously on her phone and wishing she'd got on a different train. I say I think she'd just like to sit on the train and not speak to them, so creepy says 'oh sorry are we making you uncomfortable?' to which she says 'I'd prefer to just sit on my own thanks'. And he says sorry to her.

Thinking OK I've done my good samaritan bit I say 'right are you all OK then?' and he says 'Aye we're OK with her, but we're not OK with you' and squares up to me. His friend's a fat b*****d so not really worried about him, but psycho here looks strong and a lot heavier than I am and I think I'm in for a kicking, but he keeps saying 'See if there weren't cameras on this train I'd kill you' and all that shite. His pal's egging him on while I try to think of a way to get myself out of this situation. At this point the lassie gets up and runs to the next carriage. I think oh great that was the only witness to what's about to happen and start figuring out if I've got any chance here. He's pushing his forehead against mine talking like a growling pitbull saying I'm getting off at Stirling with him (I assure him I am not).

It turns out the lassie had run off to get the guard who comes to break us up and sticks me at one end of the carriage and them at the other. Skin saved, but there's still a good half hour till my stop. The psycho creep starts pacing up and down the carriage like a caged lion or something, I guess he was trying to figure out where the cameras were vs where I was sitting so I think jesus am I going to get stuck into in my new seat? He does that five or six times so I get ready for whatever's coming, then the train arrives at Stirling. They get off laughing happy again only to run into the Polis who are waiting to pick them up. All hell breaks lose on the platform as they get wrestled to the ground and bundled off for a night in the cells. One of the police comes on and has a long chat with the guard, I'm straining to hear it in case I'm next to get arrested but they wander up the carriage I suppose to get a statement off the lassie, who rather than leave me to my fate probably saved me from getting my head kicked in.

I'm glad I prevented a creepy situation for her but I have to wonder if I'd do the same again, drunk folk on trains are the worst.

And the award for doing the right thing goes to...^

Edited October 28, 2018 by welshbairn

[GordonD]

1 hour ago, jimmy boo said:

And the award for the longest post I've ever seen on P&B goes to.......^

And the award for quoting the longest post ever in its entirety goes to...

[Sergeant Wilson]

5 minutes ago, MixuFixit said:

Hah cheers I think. Experience like that makes me think it's crazy when there's talk of taking guards off trains to save money. Someone'll get seriously hurt.

Send it in. It'll change Government policy, or at least delay its implementation while they read it.

Edited October 28, 2018 by Sergeant Wilson

[Gaz FFC]

5 hours ago, MixuFixit said:

Hah cheers I think. Experience like that makes me think it's crazy when there's talk of taking guards off trains to save money. Someone'll get seriously hurt.

Good story bud.

I think  we've all been In  your situation where we either want to help a damsel in distress or where the train psycho has taken notice of guy alone.

You are 100% correct in the drunk assessment. I'm always more wary of drunk/high folk as they don't have the ability to think rationally usually.

At least your drunk aggressor had the presence of mind to know trains have cameras. Probably from a previous incident

[pleslie99]

On the subject of drunk c***s on a train.
I was travelling into Glasgow from dumbarton one night for a night out, some drunk jakeball got on the same carriage as us with his equally as drunk Mrs. We didn't pay them any attention however he proceeded to march up and down the carriage being really loud and aggressive towards anyone that as much as looked in his direction.
Ticket inspector appears in the carriage to check tickets, the woman clearly had a ticket to Glasgow while the guy had one to clydebank. The ticket inspector checked them, asked them to be a bit quieter and continued to check everyone else.
Clydebank came and we all hoped the guy would get off and give everyone peace, nope he was clearly going to continue to Glasgow with his Mrs.....
Ticket inspector returned, noticed he was still on the train even though he should be off or at least buy a new ticket. Obviously not wanting a major issue he informed the guy he wasn't going to charge him for a ticket if he sat down and shut up. Well this was like prodding a bear with a stick and the poor ticket guy ended up taking some horrific abuse and was called every name under the sun and was repeatedly informed he was going to get his head kicked in etc. Ticket guy was a big guy, and didn't even blink with his guy screaming in his face. Hyndland station came and as the train stopped the ticket guy stepped off, drunk man clearly saw a chance for another act of c***ishness and jumped off to confront the poor guy again. Ticket guy stepped back onto the train and stood at the door with the guy pointing and threatening him from the platform while trying to get back into the train to his Mrs. Next thing the ticket guy puts 2 hands into the guys chest, shoves him back so he falls flat on his back on the platform and shuts the train door leaving him outside and us all inside, train begins to pull away with him foaming at the mouth running along the platform trying to stop it as the police appeared at hyndland to lift him, was a very pleasing outcome.
Kudos to the bravery and calmness of the ticket inspector. I'd like to say me and my mates stepped in to assist the ticket guy however we sat like a few shitebags hoping the situation would just go away!

[Hillonearth]

It's one thing jakes and neds on trains forget - the polis know exactly what route they'll be travelling and roughly when they'll get there.

I remember years back a group of neds - maybe 10-15 of them -  jumped on at Gilmour St at the far end of a carriage of a train I was on down to Ayr. They had enough of a cargo to get a small country pished, but clearly the budget didn't stretch to buying tickets. The ticket inspector came round and they loudly and threateningly told him to f**k off, and began celebrating their victory.

It was short-lived and lasted until Kilwinning, where there's a British Transport Police station. Last seen on the platform with a couple of them being led away and the rest looking on in dismay as their cargo got poured out in front of them.

 

[Jason King]

Some utterly awful but tyical Weegie scheme goblins on the rattler to London on Saturday afternoon.

"Hah Senga, this table is free"

"No it isnae, look its reserved"

"aye well they c***s arent here"

You can guess what happened next.

Once we reached Englandshire and the close of the journey there was 2 of your Southern types - one in a bizzare fawn Arthur Daley style coat despite looking about 20 if he was a day and his mate who was severly wrecked. The mate spent 20 minutes shouting some nonsense at the top of his voice, which I think was just "come on the <insert name of unintelligble football team nickname>" whilst also attempting to stand up and walk at the same time - which did not end well.

 

 

Edited October 29, 2018 by Jason King

[Jason King]

Return to work this morning and a veritable selection of asshats on the train this morning. There are 10 minutes between the penultimate station and the terminus, half of the feckin carriage stood up and stood in the aisle the moment we pulled out of the penultimate station.

Utter morons.

[Hank Scorpio]

Woman on the 1713 Glasgow safari from Haymarket currently on the fourth phone call, spoken non stop since we left. Surprised the person on the other end can get a word in. What is it with folk who think it’s awright to have a long conversation on public transport? Surely the protocol if someone calls you and you’re on the train, you say, “I’m on the train, text me/I’ll call you back”? I’ve tutted loudly and shaken my head, adrenaline is coursing through me.

[Boghead ranter]

16 minutes ago, Hank Scorpio said:

 

Got off at Coatbridge Sunnyside. Quelle surprise!

 

Scum. Subhuman scum.

[blackislekillie]

Got off at Coatbridge Sunnyside. Quelle surprise!

Euph?

[Sergeant Wilson]

38 minutes ago, Hank Scorpio said:

Woman on the 1713 Glasgow safari from Haymarket currently on the fourth phone call, spoken non stop since we left. Surprised the person on the other end can get a word in. What is it with folk who think it’s awright to have a long conversation on public transport? Surely the protocol if someone calls you and you’re on the train, you say, “I’m on the train, text me/I’ll call you back”? I’ve tutted loudly and shaken my head, adrenaline is coursing through me.

There's one travels between Airdrie and Queen Street. Talks on the platform and throughout the journey. As she got off one day after a 30 minute conversation  I heard he say. "Ok, I'll see you in 10 minutes".