TheScarf Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 40 minutes ago, Swordfishtrombone said: Not someone I work with but my mate was telling me about a king bullshitter at his work. His stories include seeing a cow commit suicide by jumping off the edge of a cliff because midges were annoying it. Accidently hacking into the Pentagon when he was trying to put his overtime into the works computer. Being outside the work, whistling and having an 8ft Buzzard land on his arm. Nearly being carried off by an Eagle when he was up the hills because he was wearing a lambswool jumper and the Eagle mistook him for a lamb. Going to a top end hooker who told him not pay because it was the best ride of her life. Sounds like a guy I was in school with who claimed he could remember his own birth. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swordfishtrombone Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 1 minute ago, TheScarf said: Sounds like a guy I was in school with who claimed he could remember his own birth. My mate has the right idea, he doesn't challenge the stories. You get much better stories if you go along with the nonsense. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whiskychimp Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 My boss fired the receptionist by email during the holidays. Poor guy turned up on Wednesday as he hadn't read his emails over the break. He was asked to leave immediately and read his emails. What a c**t. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honest_Man#1 Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 On 20/12/2018 at 15:09, UsedToGoToCentralPark said: On 20/12/2018 at 15:05, Mr X said: Never click Yes to anyones read receipts And make sure to write the reply but save as draft. What does this do? I’m all for annoying read receipt wankers. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 34 minutes ago, Honest_Man#1 said: What does this do? I’m all for annoying read receipt wankers. I heard about a guy who never opened his boss's e-mails but looked at them in the preview pane, which doesn't trigger a read receipt. Then after about six months he deleted them, resulting in his boss being inundated with several hundred 'deleted unread' messages all at once. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 2 hours ago, Swordfishtrombone said: Not someone I work with but my mate was telling me about a king bullshitter at his work. His stories include seeing a cow commit suicide by jumping off the edge of a cliff because midges were annoying it. Accidently hacking into the Pentagon when he was trying to put his overtime into the works computer. Being outside the work, whistling and having an 8ft Buzzard land on his arm. Nearly being carried off by an Eagle when he was up the hills because he was wearing a lambswool jumper and the Eagle mistook him for a lamb. Going to a top end hooker who told him not pay because it was the best ride of her life. I worked with somebody like that - everybody called him 'Ferdinand' behind his back (there was a TV show at the time called "The Staggering Stories of Ferdinand De Bargos"). He was a ***, BTW. There was a scene on 'Yes Minister' where Hacker wrote a comment "Balls!" on a memo, then thought better of it and changed it to "Round objects!" Sir Humphrey then asked who Round was, and what he was objecting to. That joke wasn't original to them, but Ferdinand claimed that his uncle was the first person to do that for real and everybody since had been copying him. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thistle_do_nicely Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 (edited) 3 hours ago, MixuFixit said: Anyone whose ringtone is anything other than generic ring ring needs sacking. Promotions for anyone with vibrate or silent. my ringtone is Sikamikanico by the red hot chilli peppers (nice and distinctive, is a great track and perhaps most importantly of all, was featured in Waynes World), but I always make sure to have my phone on vibrate/silent in work, not least because you get pulled up heavily if it's seen on your desk due to sensitive information* *allegedly someone a bit dim took a photo of a footballer's P60/payslip a few years ago and shared it about over the internet, resulting in a bit of a shitstorm Edited January 4, 2019 by Thistle_do_nicely 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UsedToGoToCentralPark Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 What does this do? I’m all for annoying read receipt wankers.Make them wait, chase you, send polite reminders, etc until they are at breaking point and when they finally venture over hit send before they reach your desk. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamesP_81 Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 The previous posts about fantasist workmates reminded me of an absolute nugget of a boy that started my last work at the same time as me. He was in most major newspapers as he ended up in court by pretending to be in the fire service when he took it upon himself to attend the major fire behind Easter Road a few years ago. He somehow managed to get access to a fire service car and use it to go and get sausage rolls for everyone!! My personal favourite headline was "Fireman Sham"I think it says a lot for the character of this boy that not one of us in his team was actually surprised by this. On his first day at the typical 'get to know everyone session' he told us about how he had spent time in the LA fire service, was a sound engineer for the company that our work used when they put on any events and that in the summer he travelled the world as a roadie for Robbie Williams, who he was personal friends with. All this by the tender age of 17..... 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ah-dee Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 worked with a lad about 10 years ago who cant have been far off 30 stone. he brought about 4 of the large 1.7 litre bottles of coke to work with him everyday which had resulted in what teeth he had left being black stumps. naturally his personal hygiene wss none existent and the shite he sould come out with for attention was unreal. my favourite was when he claimed he was buying w moped that weekend so he could get to work. a 2000cc engine would struggle to move his ass 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DA Baracus Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 1.7 litre bottles? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torpar Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 I came into the office a little late this morning but was still planning to leave a little early right after my boss left, she was on the way out the door 15 minutes ago and all was looking good, until the guy at the last desk before the door decides to strike up a conversation with her, come on to f**k mate! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ah-dee Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 1.7 litre bottles?yeah. or 1.75 whatever size they are now. he would sit guzzling them straight from the bottle all day giving me the boke and im sure i wasnt alone 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
killiefan27 Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 31 minutes ago, Torpar said: I came into the office a little late this morning but was still planning to leave a little early right after my boss left, she was on the way out the door 15 minutes ago and all was looking good, until the guy at the last desk before the door decides to strike up a conversation with her, come on to f**k mate! I'd to work a weekend the other week, but thinking "ah it'll be grand, it'll just be me at my desk and I can feck about all day". Was then informed my boss was coming in for the morning "to get a bit of work done". That would have been fine, but he ended up phoning to say he'd be "in late but staying late", meaning there was no chance of me sloping off early. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cerberus Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 7 hours ago, whiskychimp said: My boss fired the receptionist by email during the holidays. Poor guy turned up on Wednesday as he hadn't read his emails over the break. He was asked to leave immediately and read his emails. What a c**t. A guy receptionist? He should get a real man's job. Construction or some job lifting stuff. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whiskychimp Posted January 5, 2019 Share Posted January 5, 2019 8 hours ago, Cerberus said: A guy receptionist? He should get a real man's job. Construction or some job lifting stuff. Wrath of @Menzel coming your way. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Man Posted January 5, 2019 Share Posted January 5, 2019 12 hours ago, ah-dee said: worked with a lad about 10 years ago who cant have been far off 30 stone. he brought about 4 of the large 1.7 litre bottles of coke to work with him everyday which had resulted in what teeth he had left being black stumps. naturally his personal hygiene wss none existent and the shite he sould come out with for attention was unreal. my favourite was when he claimed he was buying w moped that weekend so he could get to work. a 2000cc engine would struggle to move his ass Sounds exactly like a guy I worked with who was a moped enthusiast. I never saw him on one but the image I had was of a scooter with industrial strength reinforced suspension with a Boeing engine to power it. One of his whoppers was that the signal strength icons at the top of your mobile screen don't actually work and are just there for show. Fat f**k. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bairnardo Posted January 5, 2019 Share Posted January 5, 2019 I am sure I have talked about this guy before but I briefly worked with a 5 foot 2 chubster who claimed to have been in some double hard b*****d army regiment, and was shot in Mozambique resulting in the loss of his spleen or some other organ. He was then overheard at the smoker saying his spleen was removed as a child because of illness. He was challenged on the shooting story and quick as a flash replied "oh yeah I was shot where my spleen WOULD have been"Fucking hell man. Do these folk believe their own tales? I think this guy did. He had many. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fullerene Posted January 5, 2019 Share Posted January 5, 2019 20 hours ago, MixuFixit said: Anyone whose ringtone is anything other than generic ring ring needs sacking. Promotions for anyone with vibrate or silent. I use to use one of the standard ringtones that came with the phone. This meant I was constantly checking my phone whenever I heard that ringtone. Now I use a ringtone that is definitely mine - or at least I haven't heard anybody else using it. The more irritating one is the Notifications tone. WhatApp and other things seem to update 12 times a day - so the shortest, quietest Notification tone is essential. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barry Ferguson's Hat Posted January 5, 2019 Share Posted January 5, 2019 57 minutes ago, Dee Man said: Sounds exactly like a guy I worked with who was a moped enthusiast. I never saw him on one but the image I had was of a scooter with industrial strength reinforced suspension with a Boeing engine to power it. One of his whoppers was that the signal strength icons at the top of your mobile screen don't actually work and are just there for show. Fat f**k. I don't think he was lying here, tbf. 'In all honesty, the bars on a cellphone do not really mean anything. They are an aesthetic representation of the signal strength. The signal strength is measured by decibels. Depending upon the make and the model of the phone, there can be quite a bit of fluctuation between the bars on one phone to another phone' https://www.signalbooster.com/pages/what-do-signal-bars-on-a-cell-phone-really-mean 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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