Bairnardo Posted January 5, 2019 Share Posted January 5, 2019 I am sure I have talked about this guy before but I briefly worked with a 5 foot 2 chubster who claimed to have been in some double hard b*****d army regiment, and was shot in Mozambique resulting in the loss of his spleen or some other organ. He was then overheard at the smoker saying his spleen was removed as a child because of illness. He was challenged on the shooting story and quick as a flash replied "oh yeah I was shot where my spleen WOULD have been"Fucking hell man. Do these folk believe their own tales? I think this guy did. He had many. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fullerene Posted January 5, 2019 Share Posted January 5, 2019 20 hours ago, MixuFixit said: Anyone whose ringtone is anything other than generic ring ring needs sacking. Promotions for anyone with vibrate or silent. I use to use one of the standard ringtones that came with the phone. This meant I was constantly checking my phone whenever I heard that ringtone. Now I use a ringtone that is definitely mine - or at least I haven't heard anybody else using it. The more irritating one is the Notifications tone. WhatApp and other things seem to update 12 times a day - so the shortest, quietest Notification tone is essential. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barry Ferguson's Hat Posted January 5, 2019 Share Posted January 5, 2019 57 minutes ago, Dee Man said: Sounds exactly like a guy I worked with who was a moped enthusiast. I never saw him on one but the image I had was of a scooter with industrial strength reinforced suspension with a Boeing engine to power it. One of his whoppers was that the signal strength icons at the top of your mobile screen don't actually work and are just there for show. Fat f**k. I don't think he was lying here, tbf. 'In all honesty, the bars on a cellphone do not really mean anything. They are an aesthetic representation of the signal strength. The signal strength is measured by decibels. Depending upon the make and the model of the phone, there can be quite a bit of fluctuation between the bars on one phone to another phone' https://www.signalbooster.com/pages/what-do-signal-bars-on-a-cell-phone-really-mean 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ah-dee Posted January 5, 2019 Share Posted January 5, 2019 Sounds exactly like a guy I worked with who was a moped enthusiast. I never saw him on one but the image I had was of a scooter with industrial strength reinforced suspension with a Boeing engine to power it. One of his whoppers was that the signal strength icons at the top of your mobile screen don't actually work and are just there for show. Fat f**k.woupdnt have been at tesco call centre dundee 10 years ago or so? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted January 5, 2019 Share Posted January 5, 2019 2 hours ago, Barry Ferguson's Hat said: I don't think he was lying here, tbf. 'In all honesty, the bars on a cellphone do not really mean anything. They are an aesthetic representation of the signal strength. The signal strength is measured by decibels. Depending upon the make and the model of the phone, there can be quite a bit of fluctuation between the bars on one phone to another phone' https://www.signalbooster.com/pages/what-do-signal-bars-on-a-cell-phone-really-mean That was on QI once. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Lambies Doos Posted January 5, 2019 Share Posted January 5, 2019 I am sure I have talked about this guy before but I briefly worked with a 5 foot 2 chubsterDid you still have to stand on your bucket? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bairnardo Posted January 5, 2019 Share Posted January 5, 2019 Did you still have to stand on your bucket?Na I lay on top of yer maw -1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Lambies Doos Posted January 5, 2019 Share Posted January 5, 2019 Na I lay on top of yer mawNot sure she's ever met a dwarf, let me check. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Man Posted January 5, 2019 Share Posted January 5, 2019 5 hours ago, MixuFixit said: Genuinely not far off it. 5 hours ago, Barry Ferguson's Hat said: I don't think he was lying here, tbf. 'In all honesty, the bars on a cellphone do not really mean anything. They are an aesthetic representation of the signal strength. The signal strength is measured by decibels. Depending upon the make and the model of the phone, there can be quite a bit of fluctuation between the bars on one phone to another phone' https://www.signalbooster.com/pages/what-do-signal-bars-on-a-cell-phone-really-mean I live in a house in a bit of a dip at the bottom of a hill where the signal varies greatly from one side of my house to the other. When I'm in the spot where I can actually make and receive calls I have 3 bars and when I'm out of range I have none. I haven't read the link you posted but given that it is from signalbooster.com I'm guessing their main job is to get punters to part with their hard earned to buy signal boosters. 4 hours ago, ah-dee said: 6 hours ago, Dee Man said: Sounds exactly like a guy I worked with who was a moped enthusiast. I never saw him on one but the image I had was of a scooter with industrial strength reinforced suspension with a Boeing engine to power it. One of his whoppers was that the signal strength icons at the top of your mobile screen don't actually work and are just there for show. Fat f**k. woupdnt have been at tesco call centre dundee 10 years ago or so? I don't know but I doubt it. The lazy bassa said he had been out of work for years and only got the job with the company I worked for because he was obliged to attend a job interview or else he was getting his benefits cut or stopped. Claimed he was gutted to get the job. If his first name began with S and ended with tevie then it's possible it's the same guy. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted January 5, 2019 Share Posted January 5, 2019 9 hours ago, MixuFixit said: Neither has arms long enough to put their socks on let alone take their cocks for a pish. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted January 5, 2019 Share Posted January 5, 2019 10 hours ago, MixuFixit said: I wondered where I'd seen those trousers before! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotThePars Posted January 5, 2019 Share Posted January 5, 2019 My last work made everyone buy their own tea and coffee. Nobody could be arsed being in charge of a kitty so everyone brought in their own pints of milk. Cue about 30 individual pints of milk in the fridge - most curdling after spending weeks there and being forgotten about, not to mention arguments about whose milk was whose. In fact, the arguments were such that the company provided a marker pen that was left by the fridge so people could mark their own cartons. Fucking madness. When I run my own company (likelihood of it ever happening: zero) ... I'll provide tea / coffee / sugar / milk to the staff. However, water comes out the fucking tap so there's no chance I'll be getting a water cooler. This is the best argument against libertarianism that I’ve seen yet. It's getting really impressive how little work one of the other guys does here. He just sits and watches videos all day. The past few weeks it's been Family Guy and on Friday he managed to watched the entire Lego Movie. AstonishingIs this guy still employed? I respect his vibe. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Menzel Posted January 6, 2019 Share Posted January 6, 2019 On 05/01/2019 at 08:09, whiskychimp said: Wrath of @Menzel coming your way. Good to know I can still wind you up without posting. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mantis Toboggan Posted January 7, 2019 Share Posted January 7, 2019 On 05/01/2019 at 19:56, NotThePars said: Is this guy still employed? I respect his vibe. Surprisingly he is 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted January 7, 2019 Share Posted January 7, 2019 Just spent the morning avoiding the usual run of work colleagues. So far so good. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nsr Posted January 7, 2019 Share Posted January 7, 2019 I currently have the pleasure of working on a one-man project. I sit down at half 8, headphones go in, and I barely have to interact with another human being in real time until I shove off at half 4. Naturally I am producing work that is utterly incomprehensible to and unsupportable by anyone who isn't me. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Blades Posted January 7, 2019 Share Posted January 7, 2019 I currently have the pleasure of working on a one-man project. I sit down at half 8, headphones go in, and I barely have to interact with another human being in real time until I shove off at half 4. Naturally I am producing work that is utterly incomprehensible to and unsupportable by anyone who isn't me.^^^^Working on a masturbation video, imho. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ah-dee Posted January 7, 2019 Share Posted January 7, 2019 ^^^^Working on a masturbation video, imho. thats more an 8 minute job than an 8 hour job 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEADOWXI Posted January 7, 2019 Share Posted January 7, 2019 Had a meeting this afternoon. Due to numbers and space held in main office with most folk sitting at their desks.Could hardly hear the bloke speak for the arseholes that decided they weren't interested and were just battering away on their keyboards and working away. Totally ignorant behaviour to the bloke speaking 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D.A.F.C Posted January 8, 2019 Share Posted January 8, 2019 Meetings are a total waste of time and for self prompting wrongtards who do nothing else 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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