Silvio Tattiescone Posted March 20, 2023 Share Posted March 20, 2023 24 minutes ago, Loonytoons said: Too many DNA profiles on the flag. Like hotel curtains? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Curmudgeon Posted March 20, 2023 Share Posted March 20, 2023 1 hour ago, fuzzydunlop said: Probably doesn't fall into the category of "worst" but was certainly funny and I did have some pangs of regret afterwards. 6th year at High School. Wee guy in our year. He was alright but could sometimes be a smart arse. His parents were really religious and he was always going to Bible Studies and that sorta sh*te. So he could be a bit preachy to other folk. We were in 6th year at School and some of us had passed our driving tests. This guy had fancied this lassie in our year for ages...most lads fancied her as she was pretty but also a good laugh. However she was also into all the religious carry on so that scared a few folk off. One day the lad came in boasting that he was picking this girl up on Thursday night to go to a Bible Studies meeting at someone's house as a 'date'. He'd got permission to use his mums Golf GTI to go pick her up so they could go to the meeting together. We all assumed she was just getting a free lift but he was adamant it was a date. As was the way, to pass the time in those days myself and few mates were out in the car driving about on the Thursday night when someone spotted him driving in the opposite direction with the girl in the car. We decided to follow him(creepy I know) and ended up in this really posh housing estate where they were going for the bible meeting. One of us(not me I must add) decided it would be a good idea to go back to their house, pick up some cellotape and also get a load of Sunday Sport newspapers that they'd been keeping in his shed, go back upto to where this lad had parked his car. Then we proceeded to plaster his car with pictures of tits. Literally the whole car covered in tits. We then sat along the road in a vantage position waiting. Eventually he comes out with this girl...could see him pointing at the car and then he went absolutely apeshit, ripping off the newspaper and shouting. We were parked about 6 cars away and we could hear him shouting and bawling. Pictures of tits blowing down the street, neighbours out in the street wondering what was going, tits all over their nice gardens.... How no one heard us laughing is beyond me. Weirdly next day at school we asked him how his night had been. He didnt mention it. We didn't own up and nothing was said about it. He never got a second 'date' either.... The next day I hope you asked him if the Golf GTI was the Sport version. 17 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anotherchance Posted March 20, 2023 Share Posted March 20, 2023 Back when the internet was in its infancy I e-mailed my school and threatened to kill one of my teachers - on the surface there was absolutely no reason for it, but thinking back it was probably something psychological about wanting to be noticed/notorious as I was a bit of a geek. Police tracked down my e-mail account/IP address, we got the knock on the door and I got the bollocking of my life. No idea how I avoided getting excluded or expelled. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GNU_Linux Posted March 20, 2023 Share Posted March 20, 2023 Killed a guy with a trident. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hk blues Posted March 21, 2023 Share Posted March 21, 2023 Yesterday I used the word 'lovely.' Not to describe how something looked or tasted (which would be bad enough, I agree) but in the same way as we use 'great' or 'fine' when someone says something. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fullerene Posted March 21, 2023 Share Posted March 21, 2023 27 minutes ago, hk blues said: Yesterday I used the word 'lovely.' Not to describe how something looked or tasted (which would be bad enough, I agree) but in the same way as we use 'great' or 'fine' when someone says something. Crikey! How dreadful! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hk blues Posted March 21, 2023 Share Posted March 21, 2023 2 minutes ago, Fullerene said: Crikey! How dreadful! Utterly! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silvio Tattiescone Posted March 21, 2023 Share Posted March 21, 2023 33 minutes ago, hk blues said: Yesterday I used the word 'lovely.' Not to describe how something looked or tasted (which would be bad enough, I agree) but in the same way as we use 'great' or 'fine' when someone says something. Nice. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hk blues Posted March 21, 2023 Share Posted March 21, 2023 1 minute ago, Newbornbairn said: Nice. Much obliged! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Moonster Posted March 21, 2023 Share Posted March 21, 2023 18 hours ago, coprolite said: I told a girl in my class on a night out that she was ugly and i hated her. No idea why and no excuses. She was no oil painting but i didn't dislike her in the slightest. I still feel guilty about that. In P6 a girl I liked had her friends come up and ask me if I wanted to be her boyfriend and I told them that she would need to ask me herself. She came over and asked me and I said naw and ran away laughing. Still no idea why I did it and still feel bad about it. 10 hours ago, anotherchance said: Back when the internet was in its infancy I e-mailed my school and threatened to kill one of my teachers - on the surface there was absolutely no reason for it, but thinking back it was probably something psychological about wanting to be noticed/notorious as I was a bit of a geek. Police tracked down my e-mail account/IP address, we got the knock on the door and I got the bollocking of my life. No idea how I avoided getting excluded or expelled. Guy at my school went a step further - he got "radicalised" online and sent "anthrax" to various political figures such as Cherie Blair and the Royals. He also sent death threats to the head of our Primary school. I think he went to jail for a year or two in the end. https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/boy-admits-sending-caustic-face-rub-to-cherie-blair-85745.html%3famp 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ross. Posted March 21, 2023 Share Posted March 21, 2023 15 minutes ago, The Moonster said: In P6 a girl I liked had her friends come up and ask me if I wanted to be her boyfriend and I told them that she would need to ask me herself. She came over and asked me and I said naw and ran away laughing. Still no idea why I did it and still feel bad about it. Guy at my school went a step further - he got "radicalised" online and sent "anthrax" to various political figures such as Cherie Blair and the Royals. He also sent death threats to the head of our Primary school. I think he went to jail for a year or two in the end. https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/boy-admits-sending-caustic-face-rub-to-cherie-blair-85745.html%3famp Quote Smith, a pupil at Dumbarton Academy, admitted preparing and sending eight anthrax letters and 36 ricin letters and committing a breach of the peace. And a breach of the peace? What a c**t. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coprolite Posted March 21, 2023 Share Posted March 21, 2023 10 hours ago, The Moonster said: In P6 a girl I liked had her friends come up and ask me if I wanted to be her boyfriend and I told them that she would need to ask me herself. She came over and asked me and I said naw and ran away laughing. Still no idea why I did it and still feel bad about it. Shat it 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coprolite Posted March 21, 2023 Share Posted March 21, 2023 7 minutes ago, throbber said: viscous content 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torpar Posted March 21, 2023 Share Posted March 21, 2023 (edited) In my 20s hanging out with a couple of "mates" from my team (I couldn't imagine hanging out with them if we didn't happen to play the same sport) and two 4/10 lassies. The boys were showing off and slagging each other in the way that 12 year olds do, thinking somehow this will impress the girls. The more it went on the more they just annoyed, to the point I was silently raging, decided I would finish my beer then head home. At the time, the rapper Professor Green has this freestyle that ended with the line "come to your party just to piss in your mouthwash". And as I was taking a piss before I left, I decided that's exactly what I'd do to the mouthwash by the sink. Wasn't until the next day it occurred to me that he had flatmates and there was only a 1 in 4 chance that the mouthwash was actually his. Edited March 21, 2023 by Torpar 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted March 21, 2023 Share Posted March 21, 2023 22 hours ago, anotherchance said: Back when the internet was in its infancy I e-mailed my school and threatened to kill one of my teachers - on the surface there was absolutely no reason for it, but thinking back it was probably something psychological about wanting to be noticed/notorious as I was a bit of a geek. Police tracked down my e-mail account/IP address, we got the knock on the door and I got the bollocking of my life. No idea how I avoided getting excluded or expelled. Maybe the school hoped that you would kill him. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted March 21, 2023 Share Posted March 21, 2023 I once emptied a pot plant into Scot Allan’s (not that one) mum’s pan of broth (steady) They had it the next day and he said it tasted a bit gritty. It was revenge for him beating me at 2 player Match Day so fair’s fair. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Kincardine Posted March 21, 2023 Share Posted March 21, 2023 28 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkay said: I once emptied a pot plant into Scot Allan’s (not that one) mum’s pan of broth (steady) They had it the next day and he said it tasted a bit gritty. It was revenge for him beating me at 2 player Match Day so fair’s fair. Poinsettia and John Innes # 1 soup from a chicken? I don't believe it...Knorr do you... 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted March 22, 2023 Share Posted March 22, 2023 (edited) 18 hours ago, Torpar said: In my 20s hanging out with a couple of "mates" from my team (I couldn't imagine hanging out with them if we didn't happen to play the same sport) and two 4/10 lassies. The boys were showing off and slagging each other in the way that 12 year olds do, thinking somehow this will impress the girls. The more it went on the more they just annoyed, to the point I was silently raging, decided I would finish my beer then head home. At the time, the rapper Professor Green... I got this far before I got overly distracted with memories of Dundee's 'finest' (from 55 secs): #teabagtaefuck @Marshmallo Edited March 22, 2023 by Hedgecutter 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Golden God Posted March 22, 2023 Share Posted March 22, 2023 Called a girl a c**t in the pub when she was saying bye to us, she was friends with some of the people I was with. In fairness she was a c**t. I have non photosensitive epilepsy and was at a flat party once which had strobe lights, I made a joke about having a seizure, everyone knew I had it but only one person knew it wasn’t photosensitive, so there was a bit of a panic. I don’t actually remember it happening either so found out a few days later and felt quite guilty. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philpy Posted March 22, 2023 Share Posted March 22, 2023 On 21/03/2023 at 19:32, Torpar said: In my 20s hanging out with a couple of "mates" from my team (I couldn't imagine hanging out with them if we didn't happen to play the same sport) and two 4/10 lassies. The boys were showing off and slagging each other in the way that 12 year olds do, thinking somehow this will impress the girls. The more it went on the more they just annoyed, to the point I was silently raging, decided I would finish my beer then head home. At the time, the rapper Professor Green has this freestyle that ended with the line "come to your party just to piss in your mouthwash". And as I was taking a piss before I left, I decided that's exactly what I'd do to the mouthwash by the sink. Wasn't until the next day it occurred to me that he had flatmates and there was only a 1 in 4 chance that the mouthwash was actually his. Anyone I knew of?? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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