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Petty Things That Get On Your Nerves...


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I used to make a fecal deposit at the same time every morning in a previous job, to the point where I'd get up from my desk at the appointed time and my witty colleague would shout for the whole room to hear "Off for your morning poo?"

Edited by nsr
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3 hours ago, Bert Raccoon said:

Only issue with shitting at work is when you go in on a Monday morning after spending a weekend drinking heavily and soaking it up with greasy food and you go for a hugely satisfying splattery shite which stinks so bad that it makes your own eyes water, you finish off clean up and open the door and there's someone you know waiting to go in the cubicle. Dodgy looks and paranoia for the rest of the day.

"I hope that's you coming back with some air freshener you dirty c**t!"

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3 hours ago, Bert Raccoon said:

Only issue with shitting at work is when you go in on a Monday morning after spending a weekend drinking heavily and soaking it up with greasy food and you go for a hugely satisfying splattery shite which stinks so bad that it makes your own eyes water, you finish off clean up and open the door and there's someone you know waiting to go in the cubicle. Dodgy looks and paranoia for the rest of the day.

Only complete cùnts  hang about outside the traps in work lavvies.

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9 minutes ago, throbber said:

 


This is fair enough as the body loves routine and you probably eat the same kinds of things at th same time of day so have a solid routine. Not the same for everyone though.

 

Is that a euphemism?

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14 hours ago, Melanius Mullarkey said:

Exactly. Those birthday cards aren't going to get rifled through themselves.

 

You might want to get some Tesco Finest thank-you cards in, BTW - some of your family have been particularly generous this year.

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4 hours ago, Lisa Cuddy said:

Tubs of Roses, Heroes and Quality Street in Tesco on Saturday there. It's already happening. 

Aye, but apart from the ones you'd taken home from work?

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Websites that needlessly flash up big errors when you're midway through filling out a form.

Example:  You're filling out bank details to make a payment.  You enter the sort-code into the first box and before you have a chance to even start on the second box, all you see is: ! 'Account number incomplete' !  etc etc

F*** off.  I'll get there in a second.

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2 hours ago, Sergeant Wilson said:

Reported for homophobia.

Come on, you of all people must know how a vigorous arse rattling can free up an impacted bowel, especially in the case of an unsuspecting and recently bereaved widow.

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10 hours ago, BigFatTabbyDave said:

Aye, but apart from the ones you'd taken home from work?

I know you were trying to make a joke but why would I take tubs of Roses home from work and then take them to Tesco? 

It's a 0/10 for you. 

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