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Petty Things That Get On Your Nerves...


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My eyes aren't too bad but my nose/throat is fucked and my head is banging constantly for the last few days. Went to the doctor and got prescribed stuff because the over the counter piriton stuff does nothing for me.

Wee tip - rub some Vaseline under your nostrils, and under your eyes. Works wonders for me.

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Night out with my girlfriend tomorrow. Doesn't sound that bad. However it is me and her and then nearly every single one of her pals. I know about 3 of them and even then I don't know them that well. I am my girlfriends plus 1 and it's in in a function room so it's not even like I could ask my pals along. Genuinely cannot be fucked but I agreed to it ages ago. Going to be a horrible Friday night.

Get utterly shitfaced then wake up on Saturday morning with your burd glaring furiously at you whilst you struggle to remember past 9pm.

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Night out with my girlfriend tomorrow. Doesn't sound that bad. However it is me and her and then nearly every single one of her pals. I know about 3 of them and even then I don't know them that well. I am my girlfriends plus 1 and it's in in a function room so it's not even like I could ask my pals along. Genuinely cannot be fucked but I agreed to it ages ago. Going to be a horrible Friday night.

They might ask you to put on a wee wankshow 'for the gurrlz'..........have a pair of your gf's silk knickers handy, a Bette Midler cd and lots of lube. :P:P:P

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About a month ago, one of the missus's multiple aunties said she would be up in Dundee for a conference and would come and stay with us for a night. After many texts etc, it was no clearer as to exactly when this would be. Until yesterday morning when she texts phones the missus to say shes on the train up to Dundee and would see us later on. Thanks for the notice.

Anyhow, it transpired she wasnt staying overnight last night but would meet us and the bairn for lunch today before getting the train back to Bumdarton around 5 (there is one 16.46 i informed the missus, reminding here of a 5pm kick off). She then phones last night (about 9.30pm, outside the "normal" phoning hours of people) to say she is going to stay overnight tonight now, with us.

I would not be surprised if she turned round at about 7pm and said, actually Im going home tonight.

FFS.

Crush 2 Mogadons in a nice glass of Grenache (or whatever Auntie's tipple of choice is...) Give it 30 mins. The old bag will be zonked. Check every now and then to make sure she's still breathing. 8)

Proceed to watch footie in peace.

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Get utterly shitfaced then wake up on Saturday morning with your burd glaring furiously at you whilst you struggle to remember past 9pm.

That is my most likely plan of action. Off today so I am going to have the whole day to think about how terrible tonight is going to be. Boys are out in kirkcaldy (hardly anything to be jealous about but it would beat this) and missing the World Cup. The burd will also expect me to not be miserable so I will have to at least look I am having a decent time.

Going to just embarrass myself and then she won't invite me to these things again

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Crush 2 Mogadons in a nice glass of Grenache (or whatever Auntie's tipple of choice is...) Give it 30 mins. The old bag will be zonked. Check every now and then to make sure she's still breathing. 8)

Proceed to watch footie in peace.

That was not how I saw that ending.

Drugged up auntie on couch was getting it.

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People getting football wrong.

Some pub bore trying to tell me in 1982 that Austria played Poland (it was Germany) and engineered a draw ( it was a German win) to put out Scotland ( it was Algeria)

He is also giving me the English media chat and the British when they win Scottish when they lose chat too. c**t

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People getting football wrong.

Some pub bore trying to tell me in 1982 that Austria played Poland (it was Germany) and engineered a draw ( it was a German win) to put out Scotland ( it was Algeria)

He is also giving me the English media chat and the British when they win Scottish when they lose chat too. c**t

I've commited this terrible sin the last few days at work. I was pedalling the "fact" that in the last three World Cups the holders have went out at the group stage. This is of course utter bollocks as Brazil made it to the quarter-finals in 2006 as the holders at the time. Amazingly I wasn't corrected by anyone I said this too.

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I've commited this terrible sin the last few days at work. I was pedalling the "fact" that in the last three World Cups the holders have went out at the group stage. This is of course utter bollocks as Brazil made it to the quarter-finals in 2006 as the holders at the time. Amazingly I wasn't corrected by anyone I said this too.

I would have killed you.....

Or nodded along and then scuttled away to bitch about it on an anonymous message board.

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This is torture. Genuinely the worst night of my life. Told her a was away to get something out the car 20 minutes ago and I am still here.

:lol:

Cheer up, lad. Think of the killer BK you'll get for putting up with it if you can remain a bit cheery!

EDIT: I meant a killer BJ. Although not sure what's better, a BJ or a Super Size Bacon Double XL meal. It's a tough one to call

Edited by Gaz
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:lol:

Cheer up, lad. Think of the killer BK you'll get for putting up with it if you can remain a bit cheery!

EDIT: I meant a killer BJ. Although not sure what's better, a BJ or a Super Size Bacon Double XL meal. It's a tough one to call

She seems fine just now. Well she did until I bailed. You have no idea (well you might) how bad this is. Everything is just so shite. I would take no getting my hole to leave now. I better re appear soon though. Horrible night that I wouldn't wish on anyone
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She seems fine just now. Well she did until I bailed. You have no idea (well you might) how bad this is. Everything is just so shite. I would take no getting my hole to leave now. I better re appear soon though. Horrible night that I wouldn't wish on anyone

Make an obvious point of counting everyone in your group.

Go to the bar.

Order a shot for everyone in the group.

Carry the tray back to the table.

Drink all the shots yourself.

Be so drunk you pass out/ the mrs makes you go home.

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Guest The Phoenix

I'll fucking swap places.

Look on the brightt side. If your Auntie had balls, she'd be your uncle.

Edited by The Phoenix
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