Sergeant Wilson Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 (edited) 1 minute ago, Shandon Par said: We got a 'deepest sympathy' card from the vet after our cat died recently. I used to work with a girl who went to a clairvoyant to talk to her dead Labradors. I can understand the vet's devestation at losing money on your cat. Edited July 31, 2016 by Sergeant Wilson 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 1 minute ago, Sergeant Wilson said: I can understand the vet's d eves tat ion at losing money on your cat. It's a racket keeping old pets going. Guilt trip you into spunking a small fortune each month on medicines and special food for old pets. Vet a total wid though - saw her in her running gear the other day. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 How to deal with pet bereavement. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 7 hours ago, 19QOS19 said: Young lassies that drink so heavily that they can hardly walk. Absolutely ridiculous. Girls can't handle as much alcohol as boys; that's not sexist, it's basic biology! Braindead behaviour. The reason they can't walk is that the blood flow to their leg muscles switches to their vocal chords, which is why they scream at each other at the tops of their voices instead of having a normal conversation. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widge Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 Was meant to be going out last night. Made it to 10pm, had a stupidly high fever and then spewed the contents of my stomach up before even touching a drink. I'm not pissed I was ill, I'm pissed I missed what looked like a really good night. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hillonearth Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 1 hour ago, Shandon Par said: We got a 'deepest sympathy' card from the vet after our cat died recently. I used to work with a girl who went to a clairvoyant to talk to her dead Labradors. "Woof once for yes, twice for no..." We actually got one of those cards when our last cat died too - we were under no illusions, as the cat was nuts and would take the face off anyone who wasn't me, or to a lesser extent the missus. It was a masterclass in euphemism: "She was a character..." which could be translated as "We had to use the special gloves to deal with her..." and "We'll always remember her spiritedness..." which could be translated as "We've put new proctocols in place to deal with problem cats..." 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 10 minutes ago, Hillonearth said: "Woof once for yes, twice for no..." We actually got one of those cards when our last cat died too - we were under no illusions, as the cat was nuts and would take the face off anyone who wasn't me, or to a lesser extent the missus. It was a masterclass in euphemism: "She was a character..." which could be translated as "We had to use the special gloves to deal with her..." and "We'll always remember her spiritedness..." which could be translated as "We've put new proctocols in place to deal with problem cats..." The clairvoyant conveyed the messages from the dogs not in human language but as a series of growls. "The voices are coming through but I'm feeling them in my throat, not as words". 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kerrdavidson95 Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 Standing behind a family of 6 at the airport yesterday going through security. They had 10 pieces of hand baggage between them and refused to take out the iPads/laptops and stuff that always should be. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ecto Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 12 hours ago, BigFatTabbyDave said: I've had to listen to Radio 1 for the past two days. I've heard the same hour-long playlist at least three times, in the same order, and I didn't think much of it the first time. On the plus side, I did get to blow some minds by pointing out that Party All The Time was originally a song by the donkey from Shrek, so there's that. All Radio 1 DJs are morons, and yes local radio is awful, TayFM, I rest my case 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thomas Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 (edited) The advert for Suicide Squad, I'm looking forward to the film but when the guy tells me it's out on August five I want to throw things at my TV. Edited July 31, 2016 by thomas 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 "It will be a bright and sunny day across the northeast today..."Yay! "but those in Scotland will see heavy showers for most of the day"Oh, by northeast you meant the Geordies. K'sake. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 Work with a load of smoggies who take some sort of pride in being "Northerners". On a shift that contains multiple Shetlanders, you arent Northerners lads. I know an Orcadian who takes serious issue with "now for your STV news in the North..." and says "why am I getting all this news about Aberdeen?!!". I think he hates the whole world though. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ecto Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 This is a football one, why does every club have that one guy, you know the one, the one who thinks he knows what is going on at the club, but in fact he knows nothing 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mortar Bored Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 This is a football one, why does every club have that one guy, you know the one, the one who thinks he knows what is going on at the club, but in fact he knows nothing Like Ally McCoist when he was at Sevco? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boghead ranter Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 (edited) Customers of Argos, Falkirk - when the machine shouts your number you can go to the collection point there and then, you don't have to stand there with a glaikit look on your face until one of the staff shouts "who's in the lawnmower/lampshade/steam mop" or whatever. Idiotic morons. Edited July 31, 2016 by Boghead ranter 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sherrif John Bunnell Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 22 hours ago, Bairnardo said: When line ups get listed (Falkirk twitter this is aimed at you) by squad number not traditional keeper thru to stikers. So you read the names in no logical order. Get it sorted. County's team lines could bring out the OCD in anyone. They are not in position, number or alphabetical order. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 30 minutes ago, Boghead ranter said: Customers of Argos, Falkirk - when the machine shouts your number you can go to the collection point there and then, you don't have to stand there with a glaikit look on your face until one of the staff shouts "who's in the lawnmower/lampshade/steam mop" or whatever. Idiotic morons. If it's Falkirk they can't help the glaikit look; it's natural. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miguel Sanchez Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 32 minutes ago, Sherrif John Bunnell said: County's team lines could bring out the OCD in anyone. They are not in position, number or alphabetical order. Team lines like that are the reason you got put out the competition by a bunch of seaside leaguers. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jmothecat Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 I always get talked into having a takeaway and we always order far too much and I hate wasting money and food. Last night I ordered a mixed kebab which the two of us together couldn't have eaten, we also had two portions of chips despite not finishing a full one between two of us. Happens all the time and we never learn. Why not eat the leftovers the next day?We always end up getting too much but it usually does us two meals so isn't so bad. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 15 hours ago, Mozzamozza said: Bieber says no Dave. Justin Bieber pours 'Cold Water' on Drake's chart runhttp://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-36925710 Wish I'd read that before going to bed. I've been up worrying all night. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.