Sweet Pete

Was it Keith?

Absolutely no idea, Keith. Maybe he was ganting for a shite and couldn't wait. I don't know. But I've been sat within a few feet of the door since I got home from work and didn't hear a thing. Now, I'm not superman, but I have perfectly functioning hearing and my door was not chapped. I have an insulated letterbox so it's easy for someone to slip a card in it without making any sound.

I've been sitting at my desk, a couple of feet from my front door. It was never chapped. He's obviously slipped the card through without chapping and fucked off.

I've been home since 5.30 and at 7pm I noticed that a delivery card was sticking out my letterbox, which hadn't been there previously. I phoned Yodel to be informed that they tried to deliver my parcel at 6.40pm but that I wasn't home to get it so they took it to their depot in East Kilbride, from where I'm welcome to uplift it. Cheeky b*****ds didn't even try to deliver it! Suffice to say, they're delivering it tomorrow at 5.30 or there's hell to pay.

I'm watching Super 8 and there's a wee guy in it who's the spitting image of P&B poster, Accies1.

Much like anal.

Shove your hash tags up your arse, this isn't Twitter.

She's a total ride.

Your flatmate's dad's friend won't bother his arse to help you, solicitors, particularly conveyancing solicitors, are lazy b*****ds.

Why I oughtta...!

Well, the deposit isn't really for covering missed rent payments, it's intended to cover landlord's losses / damages and costs of decoration. If you don't pay it and he has contact details and addresses then he can pursue you through the Sheriff court on the grounds of breach of contract. You'd then have to argue your side of things as to why you didn't bother paying it. If he doesn't have any way of contacting you if you do a bunk then fair enough, but you've definitely lost your deposit then. In my experience, never assume anything. Pay the last month's rent and then ask for your deposit back. You never know, he may hand it over, or at least some of it after he's deducted his reasonable entitlement for costs etc. If you use a large chain letting agent in future and they ask for a reference from your most recent landlord then you'd be fucked if you do a bunk with his rent. Edit to add: remember also that the terms of your lease should have specific clauses for termination, so make sure you know the proper procedure. Most leases nowadays are standardised in Scotland, a 6 month affair with allowed periods of notice for tenants and landlords to serve notice to quit (usually 2 months advance notice for the landlord serving notice on the tenant and 1 month's notice for the reverse). The reason I bring this up is because leases don't just "expire", they roll on as before even after the time periods stated in the document have elapsed, unless either party changes the terms of the lease by way of specific written procedure.

I bet she's a cracking ride though. The dumb ones always are.

E-on and Scottish Power are totally different companies. I recently switched to E-on from Scottish Power.

You should've just gone with it, man.

You're grounded.

Aren't you about 13?

Same. I feel a wee bit nervous and slightly disloyal, even though I've only had tentative preliminary discussions so far.

How long would it take to walk from the SECC to Harry Ramsdens on the South Side? Also, what's the quickest and simplest route? I've got a good idea of the quickest way and a Google map, but I'd be interested to hear if anyone has a better route.

Pork and lamb can be served a bit pink. Just make sure its heated throughout.

Zolpidem is prescription only as far as I'm aware. If the usual over-the-counter sleeping tablets aren't working then Tramadol, Co-codamol (30/500) or red wine are the boys you need.

Go onto Novamov and type the name of the film in the search bar.

It'll taste fairly crappy, but aside from a possible black shite afterwards it won't have any health effects. Ideally, a red wine should be opened and left to breath for roughly an hour before consuming and then should be re-sealed with a cork or similar if not finishing in one go and finished within 3 days.

^^^^^^^ needs to delete the porn before the missus finds it. Smurph mentioned something the other day about a new Kasabian song called "Switchblade Smiles", could that be it?

He's a fucking cockend. Always has been. I like the Smiths but as a person I can't stand Morrissey.

And using only your hair.