BFTD

Alive - a condemned killer survives his death sentence, and is given the opportunity to be a guinea pig for a shadowy government organisation and a mysterious, supernaturally talented girl they have confined. Well, this was interminable. The first hour is essentially just our hero trapped in a cell with his backstory flashbacks and a moronic fruitcake, before things get a little bit Matrix/Kill Bill for a few minutes later on. Unfortunately, it goes back to being diabolically ponderous immediately afterwards. The whole thing is visually gloomy, presumably to hide the cheap sets, one of which looks like a big bunch of scaffolding. There's also a bit of the annoying Japanese cheesy-sound-effect-and-zoom thing that turns up in some of their films (Flower of Flesh & Blood springs to mind), but thankfully not too often as there's hardly any action. Pretty poor stuff in all, despite a final showdown with what could best be described as The Incredible Hulk on heroin. Edit 'cause I can't type these days.

On the DVD extras, there's a whole bunch of talk from Rogen & co about how they didn't think a lot of comedy being released was aimed at them, so they decided to make something different. They weren't kidding, but I've got no idea what they thought was original about their film. Dick pictures, maybe?

Awesome! ...now I just need a phone

Let me know if you find a solution to that, willya?

Even better; spend ages ferreting around for your glasses, only to realise that you've been wearing them the whole time

Finally finished my World Cup 2010 sticker album yesterday. They're supposed to be nodding. Why aren't my Dynamic Duo nodding?

Fairly certain that, at some point, the output from that machine will read, "PLEASE KILL ME".

Borat - fake Kazakh journalist tours America under the guise of research for his home country. Wow, this wasn't what I was expecting at all. Everything I'd heard was that this was a humorous exercise in encouraging people to reveal their unpleasant views, but there's actually very little of that, and the Americans generally come off fairly well. The film actually comes over as Sacha Baron Cohen taking out revenge against a patriotic Kazakh bigot/PE teacher that humiliated him in school, because most of the film is trying to get laughs from his vicious vision of a real country that few in the West (Cohen included, one suspects) know anything about. For me, most of the funny stuff comes from Borat's interaction with his producer ("f**k off, Death"), who has the most spectacular pair of tits I've ever seen on a man. Also, it's pretty clear that Cohen's vision of Kazakhstan is based on Fife, which is frankly outrageous and the Kingdom has my sympathy for this slur.

Cracking. Love me a bit of Cronenberg. Always happy when he has a good 'un out.

Mind blown by all this train ticket malarkey. Will be spending a bit of time doing research from now on. Is there a website that calculates this stuff for you automatically?

Use the toilets before you hit the pool then, you clarty midden.

Is "swin swim" code for something?

You must have missed the video he sent us:

This has absolutely creased me. Time for bed before I have to wipe my glasses again

It's been said before, but...go to Fife Where do I send the cheque?

Every joke gets old eventually. Except for this picture. And that whole thread, actually.

Tell us you got the first shot, sjc. The idea of sloppy fifths makes me quite queasy

I've got your back, pal - I'll get them all telt

You can tell us, we'll no tell any c**t. Pinky swears!

*sigh* Alright, but I'm not cleaning that mess up again.

No, that would be: ^^^ doesn't golf. The arrows were pointing at me, as an apology for not understanding the game. I was just surprised/annoyed that the First & Prime Ministers were representing Europe. Bunch of fucking amateurs

Quality work, Mr Cutter. Could you make one up for Alloa? Might need to lose a few squares, right enough.

What did you replace the electric company with?