BFTD

Young team out tonight ahead of tomorrow's big game against the Binos. Deserved 3-1 win for Stenny, who looked physically more capable and did more with the ball when they had it, as our passing was quite poor at times. We somehow managed to take the lead in the first half despite being second best, but an equaliser came right before half-time. Second half was all Stenhousemuir, with Alloa pushing back deeper into their own half as the match went on. We were playing on the counter-attack with only Scott Hynd (for I believe it was he) up front for most of the half, and he barely got a sniff of the ball. Don't think Stenny's keeper had a save to make. It was all over when the second goal went in, as we clearly weren't going to score again. The third was a real peach into the top corner, and we were maybe a bit fortunate not to concede more. Stenhousemuir look decent though; they should do OK this season, I'd have thought.

Greenie for learning where the lavvie is - good boy!

It's nothing here in comparison to the States. The wife couldn't believe they sold burgers here - all anyone ever bought over there was a bucket with biscuits, gravy, mashed taters and as many other sides as you could fit into your grossly-distended gut. Tasted incredible.

Aww, hunni, here's a big hairy semi-naked one from a middle-aged man who hasn't had a wash in two days. *kisses*

How many folk work at your place? That's pretty miserable. Let's be charitable and pretend theirs was in the wash.

Anyone ever seen the pics of the German emo cutter lassie? Seriously don't recommend googling that, likes.

More worried about the fire-breathing ants myself. Still, needs must. Nuke us all; it's the only language we understand.

The Co-Op pharmacy in Alloa always has a big stack of reduced-to-clear condoms by the private consultation room. Fill your boots, people.

Can't help but wonder how the press get hold of these stories. Did this woman hear that her child had died and figure, "hey, might as well make a bit of cash out of it". I know...hard-hearted b*****d. Edit for typo.

Old but gold:

Someone's got to pay for our stupid roundabout art installations. Cough up, ya fuckers!

I do the shopping at Lidl, Tesco and Asda, and occasionally Iceland/Farmfoods. Never seen or heard of this charity bag packing thing, so I'm thinking it's not made it to Alloa. Is this a recent invention? Because I never remember seeing it in Stirling or Edinburgh either. Don't fancy it much, anyway. Next step would be charity bank staff to glare at you when you're making withdrawals.

Nothing unusual. Absolutely dire. Didn't even know the preliminary round was on today 'til I read your post. Any suggestions for websites that actually give a shit?

Charity bag packers? Never even heard of it. Which supermarkets are these?

Actually at the till? Never seen that; strikes me as a bit much. I'm sure they'd get more donations out of guilt, but I'd think people would be less likely to donate to that charity in the future if they'd felt pressured. Closest I've seen is at the front of the store, which seems OK.

Stitches - Ross Noble stars as a clown killed during a child's birthday party. Years later, he returns for revenge. This was fun, in a bad movie way, although it's clearly deliberate. Nice vein of Irish humour running throughout, and Ross is good value. Plenty of gore and skanky jailbait, for those who like that sort of thing.

This is my nightmare. Our evil parrot has been trying to do it to me for years.

From the radioactivity, Mozza, nothing else

Fucking three games in four days. I take it the weans will be out against Stenny on Monday? Didn't work out too well for the Binos.

Absolutely. Don't mind if it's done into the gutter though, but hardly any of them think to turn their head a few degrees to the side.

From that, it's surprising that more governmental headbangers haven't decided that nuclear war isn't a bad idea. Also surprising that our arses don't glow in the dark.

Christ, this is getting mentioned everywhere. Either put some soap in the machine or get yourself to the doctor, FFS! Vaguely related to your wanking sock, I guess; I used to know a girl who kept a 'blowjob cup' under her bed for...well, you can imagine. She'd leave it there until it was full before emptying it out. I always wondered what her gentlemen callers thought when, during the haze of post-orgasmic bliss, she pulled out a container filled with other men's spunk

The Ting Tings. I thought we were done with these people, but they've returned in several heavily-rotated advertisement campaigns over the course of the summer. It's beyond a fucking joke, and I'm developing a facial tic that kicks in whenever I hear that whiny bitch complain about things not being her name. The priests in exorcism movies are always badgering the demon for its name - I'm thinking that this is no coincidence.

Anyone that mocks adult fans of the Despicable Me films is a massive c**t and worthy of pity. Gaun yersel, son!

Chronicle - a group of *cough* "teens" discover a mysterious object buried underground and develop superpowers after touching it. This is much better than I expected from the trailer. It's another found-footage movie, although it really stretches the concept. However, it's interesting enough that it's easy to allow yourself to forget how silly it is that everything has been caught on camera. The film concentrates on how the newfound powers affect the 'kids' (seriously, the actors are in their mid-twenties) lives, and surprisingly turns into a little bit of an action-packed effects showcase in the final third. Not bad; just don't expect the earth. Grindhouse - after a hankering for Planet Terror, I figured I'd finally get ahold of the original cinema version of it and Death Proof, complete with spoof trailers. And well worth the effort it was too. The double-bill kicks off with the original Machete trailer, and it's surprising how much of the trailer Robert Rodriguez managed to include in the actual film. Planet Terror is next, which is a pastiche of '80s zombie movies, and quite a decent one at that. I didn't notice any differences between this and the longer version originally released on DVD, which surprised me as changes normally stick out like a sore thumb to me. The fact that this version has the same effect in a shorter running time probably makes this the superior version. Next up is a gaggle of spoof trailers from the likes of Rob Zombie, Eli Roth and Edgar Wright, and a lot of fun they are too. Prepare for brief cameos a-go-go. First time I'd seen them, and they were worth waiting for. We end on Death Proof, Quentin Tarantino's car-stravaganza starring Kurt Russell as a lunatic with a penchant for killing women in car crashes. And this is a film that benefits hugely from a much shorter running time than the original DVD release, although some may miss Vanessa Ferlito's lapdance scene. Tarantino's trademark long dialogue scenes fall very flat here, with uninteresting chat from some annoying characters, some of which comes across as the work of someone trying too hard to do Tarantino's style. Thankfully, there are more entertaining elements mixed in, with a particularly gruesome head-on collision and climactic chase scene providing plenty of entertainment. Still kind of mystifying why Tarantino's segment got more plaudits from the critics though. Guardians of the Galaxy i am groot