Ebanda's Handyman Services

I had a dream last night that my cock was 32 centimetres long and I was explaining this to people as, "Two centimetres longer than a shatterproof ruler!"

Supping a Birds & Bees just now. Alc 4.3 vol Brewed in Alloa. 7/10

That's brilliant! Get the Raith Lions on it.

On a positive note: She seems to have steered her boy away from the OF.

Busta Nut's Vine, 'Cat on a leash' is one of the funniest things I've seen on Twitter. Check it out ya tweeting messes.

Dundee have a very catchy song relating to their club as well. I don't know the lyrics as I'm not fluent in gadgie but I hum it for a while after I've heard it.

Jim is a cracking felly. Rovers legend.

These two should make up the left hand side. I'll support any player in a Rovers shirt who I feel is giving everything that they have. That's why I never supported Kilgannon. Mark Humphries was literally laughably bad. Me and my pals were in knots after the 15th time that he tried to punt the ball up the wing but yet again conceded a throw in. Didn't know he was Sinky's pal though.

Happy with the date change as I'm back shift for 7 days starting on the 23rd and would have missed the game.

I'm of the opinion that it was the right time for Walker and RRFC to part company. As mentioned above, he is responsible for moments watching the club that I'll remember all my days but he had stagnated and the replacement midfielders we've brought in are of a different calibre altogether. It's a bit shite that he's parted on bad terms but the impression I got on the few occasions that I spoke to him is that he probably couldn't care less about the reaction his comments were going to get.

I can't believe that the mighty RRFC were held to a draw by this rubbish. Highlight of Morton's season so far?

Great result all round. Celtic pumped and Moore has bought himself more time at Morton.

I've not yet seen anything to suggest that we can't compete for the title. Pre-season favourites like Dundee & Falkirk didn't look anything special. If we're still hanging around the top come the next transfer window and are somehow able to add a bit of depth, I see no reason why we can't be contenders.

I'd be very surprised if Hartley took a sideward step to Greenock Morton. It'd be career suicide.

Should've paggered him and then shouted, "WHA'S NEXT?!" in a manic fashion.

One more shift and I'm off for three weeks. Away to Spain for two of them. Get back, do two shifts and I'm off for a further five days. Braw. Braw as f**k.

A wee glitch I came across today was when I drove my car in to a port-a-cabin and pressed Y to get out. I got out of the car at the front and couldn't get past the car to escape the cabin. Tried everything and had to end up shooting the f**k out of my car until it exploded so I'd die. Refused to put this game on when I finished work at 10pm as I know I'd still be playing it at around 4am. I'll get a wee blast before going out to work tomorrow.

Where were you playing? I was up the Dunnikier on Wednesday and my drive on the 8th went a wee bit right on to the 9th. My ball was heading for a guy walking down the 9th so I shouted the obligatory "FORE!" disclaimer. The daft hoor just kept walking without covering his head and my ball missed him by about 5ft. I'd have had to call an ambulance if it lamped him, but on the plus side, we'd have gotten to play through.

What line of work are you aiming for, vT?

1) The pause function was invented by a huge Man Utd supporter and he gave the function the number 11 sign as tribute to Ryan Giggs. The inventor, Mohammed Singh-Patel of South London, explained this saying, "Giggs goes past people so easily it's like he has been able to freeze his opponent!" 2) Monkeys are terrified of balloons.

1) Stephen King's IT was inspired by the day King's father, who had forgotten to book entertainment for King's 9th birthday, panic booked a mentally handicapped hobo to dress up as a clown and f**k about at the would be author's party for half an hour. The hobo lost it and tried to bite some of King's friends. IT is an abbreviation of Ill of Thought. 2) Dogs can't eat bananas.

Then fly to Peru, get caught smuggling drugs and live the whole adventure over again. The circle of life!

Big problems for Morton if their team is full of shitebags.

Lucky man. Rome is easily one of the greatest places I've seen. Enjoy. My RTBC: First game of golf in ages at 3pm. Getting paid while golfing as I'm on call today.

I was sat in Methil bowling club one night (Cheap double vodkas, eh) and this rough looking lass came over, straddled my leg and said something about ending up back at her place.It probably would have come to pass but for two things... 1) My pals wanted to head back to Kirkcaldy. Understandably so. 2) Her fanny was burning my leg. I'd have pulled my cock out of her and it would look like it'd spent 40 minutes on a sunbed.