Things you want to share with P&B

[Zen Archer (Raconteur)]

Octogenarians The Rise of the law suit.

[Ad Lib]

Escaped an attempted mugging on Wednesday evening while out on a canal walk. Three hooded youths on bikes blocked off the path in front and behind of me in poor lighting and demanded that I hand over my phone.

They were dumb as f**k and left me room to run to escape into some woodland, so I screamed “NO. f**k OFF.” in their faces when they demanded my phone then legged it.

I later learned when giving a statement to the Police that an incident had been logged further up the canal path 3 hours later with what was almost certainly the same three muggers where they’d pulled a knife on someone and forced them to hand over their belongings.

So now my head is constantly replaying how I could very easily have been stabbed for reacting as I did on impulse and that if I’d been even slightly closer to a bridge I’d have had no means of escape at all into the woods.

On the other hand, I’m chalking this one up as yet another victory for STRONGLY ADVISING people not to do things.

[Erih Shtrep]

4 minutes ago, Ad Lib said:

Escaped an attempted mugging on Wednesday evening while out on a canal walk. Three hooded youths on bikes blocked off the path in front and behind of me in poor lighting and demanded that I hand over my phone.

They were dumb as f**k and left me room to run to escape into some woodland, so I screamed “NO. f**k OFF.” in their faces when they demanded my phone then legged it.

I later learned when giving a statement to the Police that an incident had been logged further up the canal path 3 hours later with what was almost certainly the same three muggers where they’d pulled a knife on someone and forced them to hand over their belongings.

So now my head is constantly replaying how I could very easily have been stabbed for reacting as I did on impulse and that if I’d been even slightly closer to a bridge I’d have had no means of escape at all into the woods.

On the other hand, I’m chalking this one up as yet another victory for STRONGLY ADVISING people not to do things.

On behalf of the P & B  collective I STRONGLY ADVISE you move away from these pesky English youth thugs and move back to the warmer waters of Strathclyde where the rather sexy SNP has lowered to risk of sharp knife crime.  

 

[Bert Raccoon]

10 minutes ago, Ad Lib said:

Escaped an attempted mugging on Wednesday evening while out on a canal walk. Three hooded youths on bikes blocked off the path in front and behind of me in poor lighting and demanded that I hand over my phone.

They were dumb as f**k and left me room to run to escape into some woodland, so I screamed “NO. f**k OFF.” in their faces when they demanded my phone then legged it.

I later learned when giving a statement to the Police that an incident had been logged further up the canal path 3 hours later with what was almost certainly the same three muggers where they’d pulled a knife on someone and forced them to hand over their belongings.

So now my head is constantly replaying how I could very easily have been stabbed for reacting as I did on impulse and that if I’d been even slightly closer to a bridge I’d have had no means of escape at all into the woods.

On the other hand, I’m chalking this one up as yet another victory for STRONGLY ADVISING people not to do things.

Quite disturbing I'd imagine, so glad you got through this unscathed. 

How did you manage to dispose of the dead hooker in the end?

[Busta Nut]

I am dying of reflux

[Busta Nut]

11 hours ago, coprolite said:

My old local's landlady's resident dog had the same name as me. I kept thinking that people who were coming in were happy to see me. As if. 

A dog called Steve? A man named Fido?

[philpy]

3 hours ago, Busta Nut said:

I am dying of reflux

Get yer omeprozole taken, along with some buscopan

[coprolite]

6 hours ago, Busta Nut said:

A dog called Steve? A man named Fido?

Dog called cuntface

[Jacksgranda]

6 hours ago, Busta Nut said:

A dog called Steve? A man named Fido?

Glen, Sandy?

[GordonD]

13 hours ago, Jacksgranda said:

I've already cracked that one earlier. (Although not on this thread.)

Yeah, it is a bit 1970 Two Ronnies.

[Jacksgranda]

15 minutes ago, GordonD said:

Yeah, it is a bit 1970 Two Ronnies.

My grandson didn't get it. (He didn't have any irish stew, either, ho, ho.)

[tamthebam]

10 hours ago, Ad Lib said:

Escaped an attempted mugging on Wednesday evening while out on a canal walk. Three hooded youths on bikes blocked off the path in front and behind of me in poor lighting and demanded that I hand over my phone.

They were dumb as f**k and left me room to run to escape into some woodland, so I screamed “NO. f**k OFF.” in their faces when they demanded my phone then legged it.

I later learned when giving a statement to the Police that an incident had been logged further up the canal path 3 hours later with what was almost certainly the same three muggers where they’d pulled a knife on someone and forced them to hand over their belongings.

So now my head is constantly replaying how I could very easily have been stabbed for reacting as I did on impulse and that if I’d been even slightly closer to a bridge I’d have had no means of escape at all into the woods.

On the other hand, I’m chalking this one up as yet another victory for STRONGLY ADVISING people not to do things.

Some little shit tried to mug me at a cash machine years ago in a part of Edinburgh with a lot of student flats. He probably thought I was a soft target.

What he didn't know was I was in a foul mood after a bad day at work and he probably wasn't expecting me to say "OH F*CK OFF". So there's a Mexican stand off for about ten seconds between a mugger with a small knife and me trying to remember the little judo I learned as a youth. Then he kicked me in the knee and legged it. Like a fool I chased after him because that knife was going to be shoved somewhere he wouldn't like... Fortunately I didn't find him or I'd have been up in court on a charge interesting for the press...

[Jacksgranda]

5 minutes ago, tamthebam said:

Some little shit tried to mug me at a cash machine years ago in a part of Edinburgh with a lot of student flats. He probably thought I was a soft target.

What he didn't know was I was in a foul mood after a bad day at work and he probably wasn't expecting me to say "OH F*CK OFF". So there's a Mexican stand off for about ten seconds between a mugger with a small knife and me trying to remember the little judo I learned as a youth. Then he kicked me in the knee and legged it. Like a fool I chased after him because that knife was going to be shoved somewhere he wouldn't like... Fortunately I didn't find him or I'd have been up in court on a charge interesting for the press...

I nearly got hijacked in 1996 at the height of the Drumcree protests. Stuck the car in reverse with the back driver door flapping open, roared back up the road, turned in a field entry and hightailed it back to safety.

[BFTD]

There's a Scottish version of Death Wish struggling to emerge from these posts.

Starring Gerard Butler, obviously.

[tamthebam]

2 minutes ago, BFTD said:

There's a Scottish version of Death Wish struggling to emerge from these posts.

Starring Gerard Butler, obviously.

Probably the late Gerard Kelly in my case...

[Shandon Par]

11 hours ago, Ad Lib said:

Escaped an attempted mugging on Wednesday evening while out on a canal walk. Three hooded youths on bikes blocked off the path in front and behind of me in poor lighting and demanded that I hand over my phone.

They were dumb as f**k and left me room to run to escape into some woodland, so I screamed “NO. f**k OFF.” in their faces when they demanded my phone then legged it.

I later learned when giving a statement to the Police that an incident had been logged further up the canal path 3 hours later with what was almost certainly the same three muggers where they’d pulled a knife on someone and forced them to hand over their belongings.

So now my head is constantly replaying how I could very easily have been stabbed for reacting as I did on impulse and that if I’d been even slightly closer to a bridge I’d have had no means of escape at all into the woods.

On the other hand, I’m chalking this one up as yet another victory for STRONGLY ADVISING people not to do things.

Glad you are safe and well. Having also legged it once from a hairy situation (I’d done a load of acid and drank a bottle of Bols Blue and a bottle of Midori so didn’t think I’d be in prime fighting condition to take on a gang) you have to wonder “what if..”. Life can be over, or altered drastically in a flash. 
 

 

[Moomintroll]

1 minute ago, Shandön Par said:

Glad you are safe and well. Having also legged it once from a hairy situation (I’d done a load of acid and drank a bottle of Bols Blue and a bottle of Midori so didn’t think I’d be in prime fighting condition to take on a gang) you have to wonder “what if..”. Life can be over, or altered drastically in a flash. 
 

 

That drink combination is even worse than Mullarkeys mushroom suppers.

[Melanius Mullarkey]

1 minute ago, Perkin Flump said:

That drink combination is even worse than Mullarkeys mushroom suppers.

Or a perfect aperitif, some might say. 

[GordonD]

32 minutes ago, tamthebam said:

Some little shit tried to mug me at a cash machine years ago in a part of Edinburgh with a lot of student flats. He probably thought I was a soft target.

Back when I was commuting to Glasgow on a daily basis, I was taking money out of the Cashline in Waverley Station - in the part linking the main concourse with the Calton Road exit, if you know it. Just after seven in the morning so not a lot of people about. This young guy approached me and said "Give me your money or I'll stab you!"

The first thing I noticed was that he didn't actually have a knife in his hand so I decided to play for time in the hope that somebody would come past. I said, "I don't believe you!" (the best I could come up with under the circumstances). He looked confused, then went away.

[Shandon Par]

26 minutes ago, Perkin Flump said:

That drink combination is even worse than Mullarkeys mushroom suppers.

It was all that the homeowners had left in their booze cabinet at a party. The homeowners were not aware of the party.