paranoid android Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 I'm on the call-out list in case of emergencies at work, and had a call to say there was an intruder alert. I'm off tomorrow, so, of course, I've been making rather merry this evening, so can't drive - I had to phone for a taxi to take me there and home. Of course, when I got there, there was no problem. Taxi was £40, which I'll be claiming back - if they want to moan about it, the can fucking bite me. That's me up now, so I'm going to have to scoop a few more beers. Fucking carry on. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 It appears [mention=70824](._.)[/mention] has had the unperson treatment. I don't know what his first ban was for. He could be a bit snarky but he knew a hearty breakfast when he saw one. I look forward to his next alias. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deej Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 Good news for all you Dundonians - https://www.inverse.com/article/28971-cross-cousin-marriage-pair-parent-offspring-inbreeding?llid=e2rdQ&utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=lspartner&utm_campaign=influencer&utm_content=9nl0 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 Just now, Bairnardo said: What did he get binned for? Je ne sais pas. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugster Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 If it was Deeboy then he got binned originally because Grassy Danger. -1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 I'm always a fan of these visa application forms, in this case the US ESTA: Do you seek to engage in or have you ever engaged in terrorist activities, espionage, sabotage, or genocide? Yes/No Hmmmm. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jmothecat Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 Decided to be a good husband and get my wife a Mother's Day present 'from' our daughter. Thought a photo album of the babies first year would be nice, as we have taken loads of photos but never had them developed. I picked out a nice photo album, went to Boots, hooked my phone up to the machine and spend a while carefully selecting the photos for the correct size for the album. Got home, put all the photos in, wrapped the present and felt happy. The next day I meet my wife in town after work and we go for a bite to eat, she takes me into paperchase as there is something she wants to look at. She emerges from the back of the shop with a glossy Peter Rabbit photo album and says 'I was thinking it would be nice to get a photo album with pictures of Bea in it, but I've been waiting for the perfect album and this is it!' To make matters worse the photo album she picked is for photos of a different size to the one I bought, so I can't even go and return the original album and use the photos from that one and put it in the one she wanted. So I'm faced with going and buying the one she wants, buying a whole set of new photos in the correct size and just not caring about the cost of the defunct album and photos, or I give her the one I've already made but know she will be secretly disappointed that I've got her something which isn't quite what she wants. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 4 minutes ago, jmothecat said: Decided to be a good husband and get my wife a Mother's Day present 'from' our daughter. Thought a photo album of the babies first year would be nice, as we have taken loads of photos but never had them developed. I picked out a nice photo album, went to Boots, hooked my phone up to the machine and spend a while carefully selecting the photos for the correct size for the album. Got home, put all the photos in, wrapped the present and felt happy. The next day I meet my wife in town after work and we go for a bite to eat, she takes me into paperchase as there is something she wants to look at. She emerges from the back of the shop with a glossy Peter Rabbit photo album and says 'I was thinking it would be nice to get a photo album with pictures of Bea in it, but I've been waiting for the perfect album and this is it!' To make matters worse the photo album she picked is for photos of a different size to the one I bought, so I can't even go and return the original album and use the photos from that one and put it in the one she wanted. So I'm faced with going and buying the one she wants, buying a whole set of new photos in the correct size and just not caring about the cost of the defunct album and photos, or I give her the one I've already made but know she will be secretly disappointed that I've got her something which isn't quite what she wants. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tommy Nooka Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 1 hour ago, jmothecat said: Decided to be a good husband and get my wife a Mother's Day present 'from' our daughter. Thought a photo album of the babies first year would be nice, as we have taken loads of photos but never had them developed. I picked out a nice photo album, went to Boots, hooked my phone up to the machine and spend a while carefully selecting the photos for the correct size for the album. Got home, put all the photos in, wrapped the present and felt happy. The next day I meet my wife in town after work and we go for a bite to eat, she takes me into paperchase as there is something she wants to look at. She emerges from the back of the shop with a glossy Peter Rabbit photo album and says 'I was thinking it would be nice to get a photo album with pictures of Bea in it, but I've been waiting for the perfect album and this is it!' To make matters worse the photo album she picked is for photos of a different size to the one I bought, so I can't even go and return the original album and use the photos from that one and put it in the one she wanted. So I'm faced with going and buying the one she wants, buying a whole set of new photos in the correct size and just not caring about the cost of the defunct album and photos, or I give her the one I've already made but know she will be secretly disappointed that I've got her something which isn't quite what she wants. She definitely knows you've bought that photo album, she's found the album/receipt or seen your bank statement. You've been had mate! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jmothecat Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 She definitely knows you've bought that photo album, she's found the album/receipt or seen your bank statement.You've been had mate! If she'd seen my bank statement this would have been a very different post. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 1 hour ago, jmothecat said: Decided to be a good husband and get my wife a Mother's Day present 'from' our daughter. Thought a photo album of the babies first year would be nice, as we have taken loads of photos but never had them developed. I picked out a nice photo album, went to Boots, hooked my phone up to the machine and spend a while carefully selecting the photos for the correct size for the album. Got home, put all the photos in, wrapped the present and felt happy. The next day I meet my wife in town after work and we go for a bite to eat, she takes me into paperchase as there is something she wants to look at. She emerges from the back of the shop with a glossy Peter Rabbit photo album and says 'I was thinking it would be nice to get a photo album with pictures of Bea in it, but I've been waiting for the perfect album and this is it!' To make matters worse the photo album she picked is for photos of a different size to the one I bought, so I can't even go and return the original album and use the photos from that one and put it in the one she wanted. So I'm faced with going and buying the one she wants, buying a whole set of new photos in the correct size and just not caring about the cost of the defunct album and photos, or I give her the one I've already made but know she will be secretly disappointed that I've got her something which isn't quite what she wants. You'll get brownie points for getting it done before being told. You could put a new picture on the first page of the other album. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drew Brees Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 Give her the one you've got, they're always disappointed with one thing or another, "your knob is too small", "your knob is too thin", "you came already", "is that it"? she'll just add that to her list and move on. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamaldo Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 Decided to be a good husband and get my wife a Mother's Day present 'from' our daughter. Stopped reading there. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 4 minutes ago, Drew Brees said: Give her the one you've got, they're always disappointed with one thing or another, "your knob is too small", "your knob is too thin", "you came already", "is that it"? she'll just add that to her list and move on. "Are you in yet?" is a bit dispiriting too. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Man Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 2 minutes ago, welshbairn said: "Are you in yet?" is a bit dispiriting too. "Wake me up when you're finished" doesn't exactly boost the ego either. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drew Brees Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 Bought my nephew a watch for his birthday but he's a big lad and it was too tight so I said I'd get it sorted for him. Me and my GF took it to the jewellers to see if he could add a link but he said he couldn't as he doesn't have a match. I thought we were fecked til she asked him if he could remove a link instead, which he did. She then took the watch back to the shop where I bought it and told them it had broken and they exchanged it no problem. She then took the new watch back to the jeweller and asked him to add the link he'd removed from the other watch. Job done. And yes, I rewarded her with sexual intercourse last night. It was the least I could do. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Man Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 18 minutes ago, Drew Brees said: Give her the one you've got, they're always disappointed with one thing or another, "your knob is too small", "your knob is too thin", "you came already", "is that it"? she'll just add that to her list and move on. 8 minutes ago, Drew Brees said: And yes, I rewarded her with sexual intercourse last night. It was the least I could do in the circumstance. Are you sure '"rewarded" was the word you were looking for? Maybe 'subjected'? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drew Brees Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 Are you sure '"rewarded" was the word you were looking for? Maybe 'subjected'? 'Maybe' you're right, she kept on saying, over and over, that she just wanted me to 'put the car in the garage' but I thought that was a euphemism. Now that I think of it, it was pissing down last night. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 1 hour ago, welshbairn said: "Are you in yet?" is a bit dispiriting too. Next time make a pantomime during foreplay and say it's come off, it's in there somewhere. If she asks if it's your wedding ring tell her it's your wristwatch. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LinkinFighter Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 Guy sitting in front of me on the cross-country Glasgow to Edinburgh browsing pie and bovril [emoji102] 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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