Depression

[bobbykdy]

2 hours ago, Stellaboz said:

Sorry for the lack of knowing where to post but guess this is as relevant as may be.
Currently in the hospital with my mum, she's got severe jaundice and her cancer has spread rapidly recently. She had a wee fall on Thursday and spoke with her on the phone from my holiday and she was feeling OK.
Next day she's barely able to talk, she's gone bright yellow and now unable to take proper fluids in never mind solids.

The nurses have kindly given me a mattress and bedding to sleep on the floor in the wee room here so I have done past two nights since flying straight over but barely slept. Trying to eat and keep hydrated so not to feel utterly exhausted.

Some family have popped in which has been amazing and I brought my (almost) housebound dad in with great effort to be here all day and probably will again today. He's barely lifted a finger for years and as such is partially to blame for his own terrible health. Trying to pull effort out of him is like getting blood from a stone as they say.

I'm not able to worry about everything and everyone all at once with the condition my mum is in. She's hardly responding but I am playing her music she loves and telling her stories of what we've done as a family when I was young to keep try keep her mind off whatever pain she's feeling, or worried she has.

Add to this the spring on the handbrake on my car I think went yesterday which has me worried more than it should!!! It works but it comes up all the way before clicking into place and that's the last thing I need fucking up on me.

I guess I just need to write this out not to anyone, as I don't want to push any of this struggle on anyone else but to get it all out to selfishly ease my own fight here. I had a nosebleed yesterday probably from stress which I never get but I'm trying to keep an eye on my own health as I don't want anyone worrying on me. I have an amazing lass back in Germany looking after things there and my work has been terrific in accepting I was coming over at the worst possible time, as I was due to have a really busy few days after my holiday with Month end stuff, but luckily they're a great team.

Sorry for the long post, it's not for attention purposes but to get this out somehow. Don't feel the need to respond but if you feel like you should talk to someone in your life about anything, do it now before it's too late. I thought I'd always see my mum doing away even a bit ill but I wish I had come over more often since moving last year.

I went through a very similar situation last year which sadly ended with me losing my dad.

You basically have to keep on top of managing the stress where possible otherwise you end up in no fit condition to help your parents. You can also be left with a legacy of long term ill health once the stressful life event is over if you aren't careful. Focus on the important things, yourself, your mums health and your dads. Everything else can wait and if anyone starts getting impatient during this time they are best blanked.  All the best.   

[D.A.F.C]

You have nothing to be sorry about by posting it up on here. Best wishes.

For all the stick Neil Lennon gets I'm liking his football/mental health program. We need more people talking about it, it's fucking ridiculous why there's any stigma around it still.

[Stellaboz]

She passed away earlier, was for the absolute best in the end but it seemed as peaceful as we could hope for I think.

Finally going to get some sleep myself now and time to myself for a wee bit before sorting shit out.

[paranoid android]

Jesus - so sorry, Stellaboz. 

[supermik]

Very sorry to hear that Stella, thoughts are with you and your family.

[Brother Blades]

Deepest sympathies Stellaboz, a terrible time.

[Rugster]

8 hours ago, Stellaboz said:

She passed away earlier, was for the absolute best in the end but it seemed as peaceful as we could hope for I think.

Finally going to get some sleep myself now and time to myself for a wee bit before sorting shit out.
 

Sincere condolences to you mate. Think of the good times with her.

[NJ2]

Sorry to read Stella, thoughts with you mate. Hopefully you can get a bit of kip and start to try and deal with this. I’m sure I speak for us all, feel free to use this thread as anything you need it for

[bobbykdy]

8 hours ago, Stellaboz said:

She passed away earlier, was for the absolute best in the end but it seemed as peaceful as we could hope for I think.

Finally going to get some sleep myself now and time to myself for a wee bit before sorting shit out.
 

My sincere condolences to you at this difficult time.

[Shandon Par]

9 hours ago, Stellaboz said:

She passed away earlier, was for the absolute best in the end but it seemed as peaceful as we could hope for I think.

Finally going to get some sleep myself now and time to myself for a wee bit before sorting shit out.
 

Sorry to hear this. Hope you're doing okay. 

[Melanius Mullarkey]

Shite state of affairs, Stellam9.

[heedthebaa]

Sorry to hear of your loss stellaboz 

[Stellaboz]

Thanks guys. It's mental, normally I'd scoff if I heard someone posted this on another non football forum but this is a great place to help let out some thoughts in your head and that.

Again, appreciate all the messages.

[Melanius Mullarkey]

1 minute ago, Stellaboz said:

Thanks guys. It's mental, normally I'd scoff if I heard someone posted this on another non football forum but this is a great place to help let out some thoughts in your head and that.

Again, appreciate all the messages.

Don’t worry. You’ll be getting the pish ripped out of you elsewhere as normal.

[Andy Dufresne]

A girl my wife worked commited suicide last night,she had been in a very bad place for a long time and just gave up.

[Raidernation]

I’m off until Tuesday, going to the Smokey Mountains in Tennessee with my girlfriend

[D.A.F.C]

Is that a double entendre?

[The_Kincardine]

2 minutes ago, D.A.F.C said:

Is that a double entendre?

Probably not, but I'm sure he'll give her one.

[++Ammo - Airdrie++]

Super struggling at the moment and I have absolutely no reason to be.
Been taking Mirtazipine (45mg) for about 3 years when it was upped from 30mg, before that was on Citalopram for a few years. I absolutely cannot complain about the life I have, 2 cracking kids, a wife who looks after us all, own our own house, absolutely no financial worries but this last 4 months-ish(?) Ive had a massive cloud over my head. Ive been back to the doctors as i started taking serious pains in my chest and felt like I was being crushed, but it was just put down to bad anxiety attacks.
I absolutely hate feeling like this and there is no reason for it, but that's been approx 8 years I've been battling what i can only describe as "demons" in my head and the family has been nothing less than 100% supportive, but i always get the feeling im going to wake up one day and they'll have had enough and ill have pushed them all away!
Anyone else ever had this thought or worse, actually happened to them?

[Dons_1988]

Super struggling at the moment and I have absolutely no reason to be.
Been taking Mirtazipine (45mg) for about 3 years when it was upped from 30mg, before that was on Citalopram for a few years. I absolutely cannot complain about the life I have, 2 cracking kids, a wife who looks after us all, own our own house, absolutely no financial worries but this last 4 months-ish(?) Ive had a massive cloud over my head. Ive been back to the doctors as i started taking serious pains in my chest and felt like I was being crushed, but it was just put down to bad anxiety attacks.
I absolutely hate feeling like this and there is no reason for it, but that's been approx 8 years I've been battling what i can only describe as "demons" in my head and the family has been nothing less than 100% supportive, but i always get the feeling im going to wake up one day and they'll have had enough and ill have pushed them all away!
Anyone else ever had this thought or worse, actually happened to them?

Every single day mate.

I’m terrified that one day my wife will give up and leave me because I’m such a miserable c**t. Don’t make the same mistakes I have/still do. I shut her out because I think the more I complain the more I push her away by being so annoying. The opposite is true, the more you isolate yourself and close yourself off the more you are pushing them away. I am learning this the hard way. My natural instinct is still to keep everything bottled and I’ve been struggling for years.

I’m also on mirtazipine and I’ve only found it helps me sleep. It increases my appetite so I’ve put on weight which makes me hate the person in the mirror.

I don’t think pills are the answer for me, I just don’t know what the f**k is. Feel free to give me a PM if you want to chat anonymously.