Depression

[DA Baracus]

20 minutes ago, Richey Edwards said:

- Yeah, thus far they've coped well with the symptoms well and it hasn't been anymore than an inconvenience for them. However, there's plenty of horror stories online about people being unable to breathe properly and requiring intensive care or dying of complications from having the virus and other conditions. My dad has a heart condition so it's worrying to think that such a thing could happen to him.

 

- My girlfriend appears to have convinced herself that I have been using dating apps and cheating on her. This is completely untrue, and I have told her that.

However, she started insulting me so I pointed out that she was behaving unreasonably and being nasty to me for no reason. This didn't go down well and she's blocked me from all means of electronic communication. 

This is particularly disappointing, because we are both supposedly old enough and mature enough to break up without any of this infantile nonsense.

 

- the job situation, I'll have to wait and see what happens. However, hopefully it works out for the best.

- They might have complications and it might be a bit pish for them for a bit. However odds are on their side that they'll recover and be fine. The online stories are almost always the most extreme examples. You never read online about folk who had the virus, felt a bit shite, then were absolutely fine. That includes the many thousands of older folk who had it.

- Sounds like your girlfriend wasn't actually as mature as you thought and gave her credit for. Not your fault, so hopefully you don't think it is. Sounds to me like she's been a shitebag and hasn't had the maturity to just speak to you. Seems like maybe things, for whatever reason (and it could be anything or a mix or things, and they could be absolutely beyond your control) weren't working for her and she's taken the teenager route out. She hasn't had the maturity and respect to speak to you. That's pish behaviour and I hope you don't think that's your fault, as it absolutely isn't from what you've said. A sore situation regardless but ultimately a good one for you. 

- Yeah, shite with the job. Not the best time to look around but have you had a wee look at other jobs?

[The_Kincardine]

On 28/10/2020 at 20:02, Thereisalight.. said:

I feel I’ve been in a rut mentally the last few months, but in particular the last few weeks. This time last year my relationship ended and I found out she had a new guy a few weeks later and my Dad also took not well so I have all those memories eating away at me. 

The whole “life” right now also depresses me. I lost the rag at an old kunt in the supermarket earlier and I just feel on a short fuse most of the time. I took my mum to get her shopping today and in the foyer the old p***k was fannying about putting his mask on for ages (everyone else  put theirs on outside), then at the trolley cleaning station he was taking an age and we stepped forward thinking he’d finished. The kunt turned round and was so condescending to my mum and said “do you know what the safe distance is?”. I just saw red and verbally called him out and he  sarcastically said “I’m a 76 year old who doesn’t want to catch covid” I then said if he was that concerned he shouldn’t be out and I called him a fcking b*****d. Ever since then it’s been eating away at me and I just feel like a horrible person and it’s adding to my already low mood. I can’t do right for doing wrong

I will be honest here.  No one wants to reply to this post as you come across as a bit of a fanny.

Aye, so the 78 yo is everyone's irritant and using age as an excuse is unacceptable in most situations including this.  However, we all have a duty to show a wee touch of tolerance right now.

You're not a 'horrible person' at all.  I've read a few of your posts.  You are, though, in a frustrating situation so I sympathise with you.  Rather than vent at auld c***s in Tesco feel welcome to send me a PM when things get on top of you.  I can't promise a decent answer but I will treat you seriously.

[Richey Edwards]

58 minutes ago, DA Baracus said:

- They might have complications and it might be a bit pish for them for a bit. However odds are on their side that they'll recover and be fine. The online stories are almost always the most extreme examples. You never read online about folk who had the virus, felt a bit shite, then were absolutely fine. That includes the many thousands of older folk who had it.

- Sounds like your girlfriend wasn't actually as mature as you thought and gave her credit for. Not your fault, so hopefully you don't think it is. Sounds to me like she's been a shitebag and hasn't had the maturity to just speak to you. Seems like maybe things, for whatever reason (and it could be anything or a mix or things, and they could be absolutely beyond your control) weren't working for her and she's taken the teenager route out. She hasn't had the maturity and respect to speak to you. That's pish behaviour and I hope you don't think that's your fault, as it absolutely isn't from what you've said. A sore situation regardless but ultimately a good one for you. 

- Yeah, shite with the job. Not the best time to look around but have you had a wee look at other jobs?

- yeah, I'm sure my parents will be fine. They're more bothered about not being able to go to the shops or go to work than they are about the actual illness.

 

- It's disappointing because she goes out of her way to make me feel like she cares and is constantly buying me things, writing me cards and making me food. In hindsight that sounds like "lovebombing".

She's also a bit older than me so I expected more maturity from her, but obviously I expect too much from her.

 

- I have looked for other jobs and applied for a few just in case. I have a lot of experience in healthcare which is what a lot of employers look for, so if it comes to it I'll hopefully find something else easily.

[DA Baracus]

13 minutes ago, Richey Edwards said:

- yeah, I'm sure my parents will be fine. They're more bothered about not being able to go to the shops or go to work than they are about the actual illness.

 

- It's disappointing because she goes out of her way to make me feel like she cares and is constantly buying me things, writing me cards and making me food. In hindsight that sounds like "lovebombing".

She's also a bit older than me so I expected more maturity from her, but obviously I expect too much from her.

 

- I have looked for other jobs and applied for a few just in case. I have a lot of experience in healthcare which is what a lot of employers look for, so if it comes to it I'll hopefully find something else easily.

- Haha, sounds like they'll be fine.

- She might have cared for you. She still might. But it's her issue and she hasn't been mature enough to speak to you about it. That's w**k behaviour and so disrespectful towards you.

 

- Sounds like your experience will be good and will put you ahead of many folk.

[Richey Edwards]

12 hours ago, DA Baracus said:

- She might have cared for you. She still might. But it's her issue and she hasn't been mature enough to speak to you about it. That's w**k behaviour and so disrespectful towards you.

This is actually the sixth time she's blocked me from everything for some stupid reasons. I'm leaning towards just giving up tbh.

[Stellaboz]

Don't lean, just do it. That is absolutely not worth sticking around for. You'll have a much happier life without all that shite, I promise you. 

[Richey Edwards]

1 hour ago, Stellaboz said:

Don't lean, just do it. That is absolutely not worth sticking around for. You'll have a much happier life without all that shite, I promise you. 

Yes, I'm doing it.

[Stellaboz]

14 minutes ago, Richey Edwards said:

Yes, I'm doing it.

Good lad! It might hurt to begin with, you might even receive shit for a while but hold your head up high and feel confident in your decision. Honestly, been there done that and much better for it. 

[Richey Edwards]

Just now, Stellaboz said:

Good lad! It might hurt to begin with, you might even receive shit for a while but hold your head up high and feel confident in your decision. Honestly, been there done that and much better for it. 

Pretty much everyone close to me has said that I should bin her, and I'm not really one for discussing my personal life with people.

My brother and his partner both called me last night to tell me that she is a psychopath and that I shouldn't get back with her.

I knew that already though, but sometimes you think that you can fix people if you love them enough. You can't. 

[Richey Edwards]

My parents are fine and I'm returning to work tomorrow.

I have a confession to make. I was being very unkind in describing my girlfriend, because at the time I was very angry with her.

She is a lovely and kind person who unfortunately has her own problems. These were part of what happened originally that made us fall out, and I should have been more understanding than to throw around words like "lovebombing" and "psychopath".

I wish things had turned out better, but I had no right to slag her off like that and I'm ashamed that I said such things about her.

However, we part on good terms.

[buchan30]

My parents are fine and I'm returning to work tomorrow.
I have a confession to make. I was being very unkind in describing my girlfriend, because at the time I was very angry with her.
She is a lovely and kind person who unfortunately has her own problems. These were part of what happened originally that made us fall out, and I should have been more understanding than to throw around words like "lovebombing" and "psychopath".
I wish things had turned out better, but I had no right to slag her off like that and I'm ashamed that I said such things about her.
However, we part on good terms.

Good stuff about your parents. We all say stuff in the heat of things sometimes, don’t beat yourself up about it. Things would have been very raw and you stressed and emotional as you wrote it.

[Richey Edwards]

4 minutes ago, buchan30 said:

Good stuff about your parents. We all say stuff in the heat of things sometimes, don’t beat yourself up about it. Things would have been very raw and you stressed and emotional as you wrote it.

She is aware that I have been saying negative things about her in anger, which has contributed to us ending and she says she will never forgive me for it.

I was angry and needed to vent, but I shouldn't have done it in the way that I did. I was an asshole to do that.

She had a lot of good qualities and was the best girlfriend I have ever had. I am going to miss her. 

 

 

[Derry Alli]

Keep the chin up, Richey. It's all part of the ride and don't let people tell you how long it should take to heal. We get there when we're good and ready. Learn from the experience, keep the good memories and love the person you are. 

Decisions from here out decide where we will be in the future, beating yourself up won't help either now or later Rich. 

Take care my man, PM is always open if you ever need to sound off. 

[V.Aye.R]

What are the main signs people display with depression? Ive got a few pals who i suspect but its never more than that. Never a red flag as such.

I live a pretty cushty life but have found 2020 really tough. God knows how less fortunate people are doing.

[Dons_1988]

9 hours ago, V.Aye.R said:

What are the main signs people display with depression? Ive got a few pals who i suspect but its never more than that. Never a red flag as such.

I live a pretty cushty life but have found 2020 really tough. God knows how less fortunate people are doing.

There are plenty good websites with common symptoms etc. so I would check those out.

Although everyone is different, if you're concerned then I'd just find the right moment and talk to them. Even if it's just asking them how things are and letting them speak. It doesn't have to be some sort of grand intervention. Equally, if you are very concerned, you can be very honest and ask them straight out.

I know from my own experience (At my worst I put on a lot of weight and drank embarrassingly) that I wished at least one of my mates would've stopped and wondered why I suddenly had put on loads of weight, instead of just mocking it.

If you're worried then talk to them, at worst it'll end up in a slightly awkward conversation. 

[Jacksgranda]

On 31/10/2020 at 16:16, Richey Edwards said:

Today:

- Both of my parents have Coronavirus and apparently the symptoms can worsen in the second week.

- My girlfriend has decided to break up with me for some completely fabricated reasons that she herself has concocted.

- I could potentially be made redundant soon as I cannot return to my workplace, and am currently waiting to be either "redeployed" or made redundant.

One of these things alone, nevermind all three of them, would have previously been enough to trigger a depressive episode.

However, I'm feeling okay about them. It's a shite situation, but one that I can navigate through.

Without meaning to be patronising that's the only one to be worried about. And even then you can't do anything about it.

You can always get a new girl friend and another job.

[NotThePars]

Without meaning to be patronising that's the only one to be worried about. And even then you can't do anything about it.
You can always get a new girl friend and another job.

It is patronising and also kinda dismissive and unhelpful.

[Richey Edwards]

6 hours ago, Jacksgranda said:

Without meaning to be patronising that's the only one to be worried about. And even then you can't do anything about it.

You can always get a new girl friend and another job.

I didn't want a "new" girlfriend. I want her.

Yes, we fell out over stupid stuff, but I still love her.

[anotherchance]

Struggling a bit.

I’ve coped OK with lockdown and WFH since March, despite it being far from ideal given I stay with the wife in a small two bedroom house. It gets a bit difficult when the wife is off, because she’s in and out of the spare room (my office) and gets nippy when I ask her not to get stuff delivered to the house when I’m here. If I’m honest I resent the fact that she doesn’t “get it” although at the same time I also hate that it’s been imposed on her, especially when she’s off and I’m working.

Everybody in work seems to have a circle jerk about how great it is not to be in the office, but personally the short bus journey in and back is bliss, as it gives me time to sit with my earphones in and chill for half an hour as well as the social aspect of things. I’m getting serious cabin fever (even though I get out a run at lunchtime) and I feel pretty marginalised when others talk about how much it suits them. There’s chat of a blended approach to working post COVID, but I have the fear that I’ll end up the only one there in the office, they’ll say it’s ineffective and it’ll end up being either my spare room or find another job.

I also get nonsense like this in my head when I’m in bed, I get myself wound up and I can’t sleep. It isn’t anything like others have to go through but it has an impact.

[Dons_1988]

4 hours ago, anotherchance said:

Struggling a bit.

I’ve coped OK with lockdown and WFH since March, despite it being far from ideal given I stay with the wife in a small two bedroom house. It gets a bit difficult when the wife is off, because she’s in and out of the spare room (my office) and gets nippy when I ask her not to get stuff delivered to the house when I’m here. If I’m honest I resent the fact that she doesn’t “get it” although at the same time I also hate that it’s been imposed on her, especially when she’s off and I’m working.

Everybody in work seems to have a circle jerk about how great it is not to be in the office, but personally the short bus journey in and back is bliss, as it gives me time to sit with my earphones in and chill for half an hour as well as the social aspect of things. I’m getting serious cabin fever (even though I get out a run at lunchtime) and I feel pretty marginalised when others talk about how much it suits them. There’s chat of a blended approach to working post COVID, but I have the fear that I’ll end up the only one there in the office, they’ll say it’s ineffective and it’ll end up being either my spare room or find another job.

I also get nonsense like this in my head when I’m in bed, I get myself wound up and I can’t sleep. It isn’t anything like others have to go through but it has an impact.

Have you tried finding more time for yourself like your bus journey over and above your run?

Even just going for a walk before work and/or after work to try and re-create that time to yourself. I'm like you, I need my moments to myself and it normally comes through walking the dog. Running is great but might be more intense than the space you need just now.