Depression

[The_Kincardine]

7 hours ago, die hard doonhamer said:

I feel like this post has become a bit of a ramble, but the end result of it is that I'd recommend getting involved in something that you enjoy, you'll meet like minded people and hopefully grow your social circle.

And give refereeing a shot, we're not all blind b*****ds 

Not a ramble, mate.  You make some good points.  It's very easy just to lapse in to the stale regime of work and house and not see anyone apart from your kids.

I mentioned it elsewhere (the fitness thread probably?) but I took up walking football  a couple of years back and it's been a good way of breaking the mould.

[D.A.F.C]

I think this is the closest thing I've watched that describes what I've went through for years.
Cant say I was ever really encouraged and usually controlled by parents and nothing was ever good enough. Started to go against what they wanted, got bullied and made to feel even worse and isolated by toxic group of 'friends'.
After years of it went into pretty much depressed and anxiety ridden period that I covered with drink and drugs. Then realised that was a bad idea so just isolated myself. Spent ten years without real friends since then and as most know on here seem to have developed a woe is me attitude and not dealing with what i need to sort out.
Its not as if I'm a shut in or anything. Just work, gym/football, hillwalking, walks, watching football but don't have the confidence to reach out or find new people.
I also feel like I'm agitated or ashamed about it and annoyed that I waited so long like that.
Hopefully that explains why its so easy to rattle me or wind me up and that I must prove whatever it is online or in life.
Have to try and rewire my brain into thinking I'm actually not worthless and deserve to be happy but after so long its not easy.
Exercise helps and keeping healthy patterns in sleeping and eating.
Really need to find another job, would say a toxic workplace is maybe 50% of whats holding me back. If outside work was fine and I had a good support network then I could brush off some of the shite but it just makes me feel worse. Its a total farce and the opposite of a meritocracy thats going to annoy anyone who actually cares about their job.
Hopefully not too much of a rant but needed to say it.
Perhaps some of the posters in threads who like to wind people up should think about what they're doing.

[Academically Deficient]

12 hours ago, D.A.F.C said:

 

Perhaps some of the posters in threads who like to wind people up should think about what they're doing.

 

Nicely put. If people could see the damage it can do to anonymously flame someone (who may well be struggling) maybe they'd stop.

Social media is such a new thing that I dont think we've fully understood its impact on people.

Being a fair bit older than recent posters here, I assume anyway, I grew up in a culture where if you wanted to be a total c*** to another human you'd have to do it to their face and accept the resulting consequences. These could include:

a. Physical retribution 

b. Other people's real disapproval.

Social media has largely removed these. 

There's been a few occasions when I've reacted with impotent fury to comments (not on here) and it's really ruined my day. 

But its really great to see the honesty and support on here and that's the positive side to this new fangled technology. 

[Dons_1988]

I think there's a chicken/egg situation with social media/mental health (my totally anecdotal, non-clinical opinion).

I think to someone of sound mental health a disagreement or a bit of abuse from someone on P&B won't make much difference, but it can have a devastating impact on someone in a delicate situation. 

I definitely feel uncomfortable when someone is highlighted as having a 'heads gone' and the forum rounds on them. Some people are obviously just arseholes but others could really be going through something and acting totally out of character.

I've probably crossed lines on here before when getting frustrated with someone but really try and be mindful to not do so, not be part of a mob mentality and not to get personal.

I do think some of the 'if they can't take it they shouldn't be on the internet' people are a little too keen to defend their right to abuse others.

This thread is fantastic though and remains a sanctuary.

[Academically Deficient]

10 minutes ago, Dons_1988 said:

I think there's a chicken/egg situation with social media/mental health (my totally anecdotal, non-clinical opinion).

I think to someone of sound mental health a disagreement or a bit of abuse from someone on P&B won't make much difference, but it can have a devastating impact on someone in a delicate situation. 

Indeed. I briefly did Facebook years ago, just to keep in touch with old friends who lived elsewhere. But I had to bin it because I naively accepted too many friend requests from people who had seemed ok in real life, but were "difficult" online.

I was surprised at how easily hurt I got by things said. 

Fortunately, it doesn't bother me if someone on here calls my team shit or whatever. I'm at a stage in life where football is just enjoyment for me (I can hear North Lanarkshire sniggering from here).

I try to keep it light, but can really relate to and empathise with a lot on this thread. 

[D.A.F.C]

4 hours ago, Dons_1988 said:

I think there's a chicken/egg situation with social media/mental health (my totally anecdotal, non-clinical opinion).

I think to someone of sound mental health a disagreement or a bit of abuse from someone on P&B won't make much difference, but it can have a devastating impact on someone in a delicate situation. 

I definitely feel uncomfortable when someone is highlighted as having a 'heads gone' and the forum rounds on them. Some people are obviously just arseholes but others could really be going through something and acting totally out of character.

I've probably crossed lines on here before when getting frustrated with someone but really try and be mindful to not do so, not be part of a mob mentality and not to get personal.

I do think some of the 'if they can't take it they shouldn't be on the internet' people are a little too keen to defend their right to abuse others.

This thread is fantastic though and remains a sanctuary.

It’s not a huge issue and didn’t mean to appear to lash out at anyone. More trying to explain why when or if someone has a heads gone then people shouldn’t just add to it while not contributing anything to the topic. Also realise that people can be more sensitive.

I guess if people keep acting like that then eventually people will stop it.

Spoke to a family member last night and they asked the usual how are you doing but instead of ok I told them the truth. They said they had no idea and it just made me annoyed and got into an argument. They really seem totally clueless and reckoned that being isolated was some sort of choice that I wanted. It’s difficult because they’ve been really good but pretty much told them they weren’t helping by ignoring problems but then felt shit as they didn’t really do much wrong other than pretend there wasn’t any issue.

I think what triggered me was a couple of weeks back they said that isn’t it terrible that a distant family member is on her own since lockdown. Not sure if this will help but I’m not going to feel guilty for needing help or feeling like shit.

[D.A.F.C]

5 hours ago, Academically Deficient said:

Nicely put. If people could see the damage it can do to anonymously flame someone (who may well be struggling) maybe they'd stop.

Social media is such a new thing that I dont think we've fully understood its impact on people.

Being a fair bit older than recent posters here, I assume anyway, I grew up in a culture where if you wanted to be a total c*** to another human you'd have to do it to their face and accept the resulting consequences. These could include:

a. Physical retribution 

b. Other people's real disapproval.

Social media has largely removed these. 

There's been a few occasions when I've reacted with impotent fury to comments (not on here) and it's really ruined my day. 

But its really great to see the honesty and support on here and that's the positive side to this new fangled technology. 

Good points, people would act differently in real life. Just look at the 12 year old that abused Zaha, think they can hide behind a keyboard.

[Genuine Hibs Fan]

Sorry it's been such a long while you've been struggling @D.A.F.C, that video was really interesting and you've painted a good picture about how things have progressed with you. I know you and I had a disagreement recently and I'm sorry if what I said to you felt like a personal attack, it certainly wasn't intended to be.

You're a really good poster most of the time on here, you know your football and have a lot to say that's worth listening to. You're obviously also very resilient, getting over some problems with drinking/drugs and managing to keep going at your work in the face of all the problems you've mentioned. Can only echo what a lot of other folk have said that you need to get out of there for the good of your health. You seem pretty determined to do so now which is great. I'd just say to try and keep that mindset, as it might be difficult to find something right now. Hopefully once you're out of there it'll be easier for you to be more trusting or open with people, you have some really positive hobbies where if you approach them with a new mindset there is community and friendship to be found for sure. I absolutely sympathize with having bad conversations with friends/family about these kinds of things, I remember breaking down to my brother in a particularly rough patch and his response was that I needed to buck myself up and stop letting things get me down. Wasn't very helpful and I resented him for a  good few months because of it. 

I think one of the benefits and downsides at the same time of this site is that a lot of issues are discussed that you wouldn't usually see on a football forum. It's a benefit as there's interesting conversations to be had but a downside as obviously people can have differing levels of skin in the game, interest or general beliefs. It's very easy for things to degenerate into arguments, and people pick sides within that argument. If you're in the minority view it can certainly seem like a pile on (and there sometimes are pile ons here at times).

I think it's important to remember as well that, as we can see on this thread, there's a lot of people on here with some level of mental health issues, so the idea that the usual conflict on here is the mentally stable attacking those struggling with mental health probably isn't as simple as that. It's important for everyone to try (often failing because we're all human) and think about how their posts and posting style can be upsetting or exasperating to folk, not putting expectations on others to immediately and consistently consider our mental health issues when reacting to something we have said. And also there's a fine line between making fun of a bad post or the eccentricities of a poster and outright abuse.  There's obvious exceptions (naming no names) who are just trolls/idiots/best ignored. 

I'd agree the Heads Gone Thread can be uncomfortable reading at times, and does encourage pile ons of folk who have maybe embarrassed themselves a little/used to settle scores. On the other hand though, it can draw attention to stuff like that boy sending PMs to half the other Hibs fans offering square gos, which I think is more than valid to have a laugh at. 

[Thereisalight..]

It’s always tough reading about people here who are also struggling. I’ve been feeling even worse than usual the last few days. Honestly think it will be a miracle if I can see out this year. I’ll keep posting here just to vent 

[Genuine Hibs Fan]

3 minutes ago, Thereisalight.. said:

It’s always tough reading about people here who are also struggling. I’ve been feeling even worse than usual the last few days. Honestly think it will be a miracle if I can see out this year. I’ll keep posting here just to vent 

Don't just vent my man! There's a lot of good advice and story swapping in this thread as well, folk who'll do a lot to give you a hand! 

It's been sad reading some of your comments in here recently, losing a parent is something I genuinely have nightmares about. Grieving is a process but that's not comforting to know when you're going through the emotions of it.

[Thereisalight..]

9 minutes ago, Genuine Hibs Fan said:

Don't just vent my man! There's a lot of good advice and story swapping in this thread as well, folk who'll do a lot to give you a hand! 

It's been sad reading some of your comments in here recently, losing a parent is something I genuinely have nightmares about. Grieving is a process but that's not comforting to know when you're going through the emotions of it.

Thanks for that. Yeah there’s some good people on here. It’s been 10 months of big losses for me and I’m scunnered with life. I’m only carrying on because of my Mum 

[AL-FFC]

35 minutes ago, Thereisalight.. said:

It’s always tough reading about people here who are also struggling. I’ve been feeling even worse than usual the last few days. Honestly think it will be a miracle if I can see out this year. I’ll keep posting here just to vent 

I'm the same on that one cant seem to shake myself out of it, really struggling just now.  I keep going through my head would anyone notice if i wasnt here and i know i wouldnt do anything cause i would bottle it anyway.  I've worked away for the best part of 15 yrs and made a choice to come back and all my friends and family that said get a job back home and i never see anyone and the one person that held me together passed away. Even when i do try to see my pals i feel as if i'm an inconvenience.

apologies just feeling sorry for myself

[D.A.F.C]

7 hours ago, Genuine Hibs Fan said:

Sorry it's been such a long while you've been struggling @D.A.F.C, that video was really interesting and you've painted a good picture about how things have progressed with you. I know you and I had a disagreement recently and I'm sorry if what I said to you felt like a personal attack, it certainly wasn't intended to be.

You're a really good poster most of the time on here, you know your football and have a lot to say that's worth listening to. You're obviously also very resilient, getting over some problems with drinking/drugs and managing to keep going at your work in the face of all the problems you've mentioned. Can only echo what a lot of other folk have said that you need to get out of there for the good of your health. You seem pretty determined to do so now which is great. I'd just say to try and keep that mindset, as it might be difficult to find something right now. Hopefully once you're out of there it'll be easier for you to be more trusting or open with people, you have some really positive hobbies where if you approach them with a new mindset there is community and friendship to be found for sure. I absolutely sympathize with having bad conversations with friends/family about these kinds of things, I remember breaking down to my brother in a particularly rough patch and his response was that I needed to buck myself up and stop letting things get me down. Wasn't very helpful and I resented him for a  good few months because of it. 

I think one of the benefits and downsides at the same time of this site is that a lot of issues are discussed that you wouldn't usually see on a football forum. It's a benefit as there's interesting conversations to be had but a downside as obviously people can have differing levels of skin in the game, interest or general beliefs. It's very easy for things to degenerate into arguments, and people pick sides within that argument. If you're in the minority view it can certainly seem like a pile on (and there sometimes are pile ons here at times).

I think it's important to remember as well that, as we can see on this thread, there's a lot of people on here with some level of mental health issues, so the idea that the usual conflict on here is the mentally stable attacking those struggling with mental health probably isn't as simple as that. It's important for everyone to try (often failing because we're all human) and think about how their posts and posting style can be upsetting or exasperating to folk, not putting expectations on others to immediately and consistently consider our mental health issues when reacting to something we have said. And also there's a fine line between making fun of a bad post or the eccentricities of a poster and outright abuse.  There's obvious exceptions (naming no names) who are just trolls/idiots/best ignored. 

I'd agree the Heads Gone Thread can be uncomfortable reading at times, and does encourage pile ons of folk who have maybe embarrassed themselves a little/used to settle scores. On the other hand though, it can draw attention to stuff like that boy sending PMs to half the other Hibs fans offering square gos, which I think is more than valid to have a laugh at. 

Thanks for taking the time to write that. Gives some good perspectives on what to take seriously.

I really do think that you become what you surround yourself with and spending eight hours a day somewhere that just makes you feel worthless isn’t worth wasting your life on, regardless of money or convenience.

[Thereisalight..]

21 minutes ago, AL-FFC said:

I'm the same on that one cant seem to shake myself out of it, really struggling just now.  I keep going through my head would anyone notice if i wasnt here and i know i wouldnt do anything cause i would bottle it anyway.  I've worked away for the best part of 15 yrs and made a choice to come back and all my friends and family that said get a job back home and i never see anyone and the one person that held me together passed away. Even when i do try to see my pals i feel as if i'm an inconvenience.

apologies just feeling sorry for myself

Sorry to hear that pal. Feel free to vent and get things off your mind! 10 months now I’ve felt like this and I don’t know how much longer I can take it 

[D.A.F.C]

Sorry to hear that pal. Feel free to vent and get things off your mind! 10 months now I’ve felt like this and I don’t know how much longer I can take it 

Have you managed to start any exercise or walks?
I felt like this but couldn't exercise, as i said before it literally took some ex military guy shouting at me on YouTube videos for me to get motivated.
Use all the pain and anger as a tool, its not for everyone but I feel much better having just done some or any exercise.

[Thereisalight..]

16 minutes ago, D.A.F.C said:

Have you managed to start any exercise or walks?
I felt like this but couldn't exercise, as i said before it literally took some ex military guy shouting at me on YouTube videos for me to get motivated.
Use all the pain and anger as a tool, its not for everyone but I feel much better having just done some or any exercise.

Yeah since lockdown began I’ve either walked, hiked or cycled almost every day. Haven’t exercised since Fri as I have no motivation or energy for it. You’re right though, it does make me feel a bit better doing it 

[D.A.F.C]

Yeah since lockdown began I’ve either walked, hiked or cycled almost every day. Haven’t exercised since Fri as I have no motivation or energy for it. You’re right though, it does make me feel a bit better doing it 

Keep it going neebs

[The_Kincardine]

2 hours ago, AL-FFC said:

I'm the same on that one cant seem to shake myself out of it, really struggling just now.  I keep going through my head would anyone notice if i wasnt here and i know i wouldnt do anything cause i would bottle it anyway.  I've worked away for the best part of 15 yrs and made a choice to come back and all my friends and family that said get a job back home and i never see anyone and the one person that held me together passed away. Even when i do try to see my pals i feel as if i'm an inconvenience.

apologies just feeling sorry for myself

I have nothing more sensible to say about your situation than I said before.  However, this is exactly the right place to feel sorry for yourself, mate, so never apologise.  You won't be judged and you won't be ignored.

[harkinsbaldpatch]

Hey guys hope all is well. I've went back onto citalopram after being off it for 7 years, i have had days where I have been driving to work and just start crying, I feel no motivation to do anything, I was big into my ps4 for years, playing games with good storys which would keep my mind occupied but even that now is a chore. Also might be getting made redundant at work, been there 14 years so I'm hoping I will have enough money to keep myself going until I find something else.

[Dons_1988]

Does anyone else get bouts of rage over very little?

I've been seeing this creep back in, getting set off by something very small. And having to talk myself down over a period.

It's absolutely crippling at times and even when I talk myself down I feel crap about myself for hours afterwards.