Depression

[CM.]

I also felt improvements in myself over the festive period but I was admitted into hospital earlier on tonight for a reason most folk on this thread will probably know. Cant say im pleased at myself but it seemed a stress release at the time.

Gutted too as things seemed to be going so well and now back to square one!

[RH33]

C.muir, hope you're ok and get the treatment you need.

[Lou Brusch]

I had a complete breakdown on Christmas night and aimed it all at my parents.

Everything has probably been building up since NYD 2014 and I've just refused to acknowledge it.

This week has been the worst so far, for the first time I've been believing that everyone and everything is against me and I've taken every action personally. I started having a go at my girlfriend all day Monday then the same on Wednesday, and deep down I felt bad for doing it afterwards. Had a shit day yesterday but when I got home at 9ish I started talking to my mum about really daft stuff and it really lifted my spirits. I then made sure that my better half knew just how much I appreciate her being by my side through all the pish I threw at her, she went through a really bad patch where she had to climb out of a deep (like 26/27) depression alone because nobody would help her or tell her to go to the doctor. She was 18 at the time and only ever sat in bed thinking about suicide.

Thankfully I haven't ever really considered the easy way out because all my problems will all fall into place at some point; I have had pleurisy for months, I'm in an awkward situation with uni, I suffer from loneliness and have done for a year, crap like that!

I'm going to make the most of my good mood while I can because I can only imagine that it will disappear as quickly as it arrived at some point. I'm being told by my boss at work to get to a psychologist, I'm being resistant for tedious reasons but I WILLL go!

[MsQosh]

Hello all,

Been a long, long time time lurker (mainly of the qos threads) but decided to sign up after reading this thread.

I was started on antidepressants (sertraline) in April last year for anxiety and depression. I've known I've not been right for years, my dad passed away from cancer when I was 12 and I stepped up to be the 2nd parent and basically kept my mum and sister going. Worked hard at school and college and managed to get into uni to do what I've always wanted to do. I got glowing reports from my mentors in practice and lecturers at uni, despite being terribly homesick. When in 2nd year, I had a pretty horrific experience on a ward, involving resuscitation of a newborn that suffocated (we don't get taught resuscitation of newborns until the end of our training). The staff involved got councilling and one was signed off due afterwards. I was never included in the debrief or incident reports so was overlooked and had to "deal with it" myself. My mum was then diagnosed with breast cancer so I hit a real rock bottom, thinking that she was going to die too. Luckily, it was caught early and she's made a full recovery. I've always been a person who's totally overthought everything and worry about everything but it's been getting worse and worse. It got to a point where I couldn't get on a bus if I didn't have the right change because I thought the driver would be angry or mad or wouldn't let me on!

I was supposed to graduate in September with the rest of my class but I have an extra 6 week placement to finish due to absence. The placement is taking place on the ward where the baby suffocated. I was on edge as uni told me if I don't pass this placement then I won't be able to qualify. There was cross wires between the sister, my mentor and myself on a shift, where I got an absolute bollocking when I was in the right. This prompted me to be hysterical for a good hour before calming down. Later that day I was asked to speak about objectives and I was asked about how I was feeling. I broke down again and spilled it all out. The sister recommended I get signed off (which I did) and come back when I'm feeling better. That was 6 weeks ago. I had a shite christmas and new year, my sister doesn't have good mental health and took an overdose just before Christmas, before accusing me of making everything up.

I've recently been started on diazepam which is helping slightly with the anxiety. But I'm still so worried about not being able to finish uni. I'm 5 weeks away! It seems daft to do it but I genuinely think that there's no point and I won't be able to finish. My mums not been much help tbh, just "when are you leaving?" And "get on with it"

Sorry for the essay, just needed somewhere to vent!!

Hope everyone is doing okay.

[paranoid android]

Hello all,

Been a long, long time time lurker (mainly of the qos threads) but decided to sign up after reading this thread.

I was started on antidepressants (sertraline) in April last year for anxiety and depression. I've known I've not been right for years, my dad passed away from cancer when I was 12 and I stepped up to be the 2nd parent and basically kept my mum and sister going. Worked hard at school and college and managed to get into uni to do what I've always wanted to do. I got glowing reports from my mentors in practice and lecturers at uni, despite being terribly homesick. When in 2nd year, I had a pretty horrific experience on a ward, involving resuscitation of a newborn that suffocated (we don't get taught resuscitation of newborns until the end of our training). The staff involved got councilling and one was signed off due afterwards. I was never included in the debrief or incident reports so was overlooked and had to "deal with it" myself. My mum was then diagnosed with breast cancer so I hit a real rock bottom, thinking that she was going to die too. Luckily, it was caught early and she's made a full recovery. I've always been a person who's totally overthought everything and worry about everything but it's been getting worse and worse. It got to a point where I couldn't get on a bus if I didn't have the right change because I thought the driver would be angry or mad or wouldn't let me on!

I was supposed to graduate in September with the rest of my class but I have an extra 6 week placement to finish due to absence. The placement is taking place on the ward where the baby suffocated. I was on edge as uni told me if I don't pass this placement then I won't be able to qualify. There was cross wires between the sister, my mentor and myself on a shift, where I got an absolute bollocking when I was in the right. This prompted me to be hysterical for a good hour before calming down. Later that day I was asked to speak about objectives and I was asked about how I was feeling. I broke down again and spilled it all out. The sister recommended I get signed off (which I did) and come back when I'm feeling better. That was 6 weeks ago. I had a shite christmas and new year, my sister doesn't have good mental health and took an overdose just before Christmas, before accusing me of making everything up.

I've recently been started on diazepam which is helping slightly with the anxiety. But I'm still so worried about not being able to finish uni. I'm 5 weeks away! It seems daft to do it but I genuinely think that there's no point and I won't be able to finish. My mums not been much help tbh, just "when are you leaving?" And "get on with it"

Sorry for the essay, just needed somewhere to vent!!

Hope everyone is doing okay.

Hope you're alright, mate. There is a point, and you will get there.

[Lou Brusch]

I start back at uni in seven hours and I can't sleep. Everything is taking a hold of me again and I can't get away. It's all my own stupid fault and I know it, that just makes everything worse.

[BFTD]

Hello all,

Been a long, long time time lurker (mainly of the qos threads) but decided to sign up after reading this thread.

I was started on antidepressants (sertraline) in April last year for anxiety and depression. I've known I've not been right for years, my dad passed away from cancer when I was 12 and I stepped up to be the 2nd parent and basically kept my mum and sister going. Worked hard at school and college and managed to get into uni to do what I've always wanted to do. I got glowing reports from my mentors in practice and lecturers at uni, despite being terribly homesick. When in 2nd year, I had a pretty horrific experience on a ward, involving resuscitation of a newborn that suffocated (we don't get taught resuscitation of newborns until the end of our training). The staff involved got councilling and one was signed off due afterwards. I was never included in the debrief or incident reports so was overlooked and had to "deal with it" myself. My mum was then diagnosed with breast cancer so I hit a real rock bottom, thinking that she was going to die too. Luckily, it was caught early and she's made a full recovery. I've always been a person who's totally overthought everything and worry about everything but it's been getting worse and worse. It got to a point where I couldn't get on a bus if I didn't have the right change because I thought the driver would be angry or mad or wouldn't let me on!

I was supposed to graduate in September with the rest of my class but I have an extra 6 week placement to finish due to absence. The placement is taking place on the ward where the baby suffocated. I was on edge as uni told me if I don't pass this placement then I won't be able to qualify. There was cross wires between the sister, my mentor and myself on a shift, where I got an absolute bollocking when I was in the right. This prompted me to be hysterical for a good hour before calming down. Later that day I was asked to speak about objectives and I was asked about how I was feeling. I broke down again and spilled it all out. The sister recommended I get signed off (which I did) and come back when I'm feeling better. That was 6 weeks ago. I had a shite christmas and new year, my sister doesn't have good mental health and took an overdose just before Christmas, before accusing me of making everything up.

I've recently been started on diazepam which is helping slightly with the anxiety. But I'm still so worried about not being able to finish uni. I'm 5 weeks away! It seems daft to do it but I genuinely think that there's no point and I won't be able to finish. My mums not been much help tbh, just "when are you leaving?" And "get on with it"

Sorry for the essay, just needed somewhere to vent!!

Hope everyone is doing okay.

Worth bearing in mind that you've done some good stuff over the years, and it reads as though you've been the emotional support for your own family. Some people just aren't good at reciprocating with these things, and it's probably scary for them to find that you have your own problems, which might explain your sister lashing out. Very much seems like you could use a professional to tell these things to, and possibly becoming part of an anxiety support group would be useful.

Just keep plodding along and try to block everything out but your course for now. Everything else can be dealt with later.

[BFTD]

I start back at uni in seven hours and I can't sleep. Everything is taking a hold of me again and I can't get away. It's all my own stupid fault and I know it, that just makes everything worse.

Can't sleep properly at the moment either. Give yourself a break; beating yourself up won't make things any better. All you can do is your best.

[throbber]

I don't have to be in college til the end of January and have a bit of work that i should be cracking on with but can't find the motivation to do it and the thought of doing the work actually scares me - i sleep like a log but wake up almost always at one point feeling anxious and depressed and can't find the effort to help myself during the day i just want to go on netflix and here and hardly leave the flat

[D.A.F.C]

Definitely reckon a regular sleep pattern is good, usually I struggle to get tired until after midnight despite exercising. Sucks when your workplace won't consider flexitime and have to start early.

As for the festive period it's pretty shit being stuck in by yourself that time of year but on the plus side I was hardly hungover and ate ok. Actually lost weight a bit due to taking a week off from the gym.

Got too many things to sort out this year but trying to just be happier and more content every day and hope things follow from there. Going on ten years now since I started staying in and moving away from so called friends who just let me disappear without so much as a phonecall then acted annoyed when I tried to get back in touch.

Don't know why I find it so hard to make me friends or just get out but I'm quite reserved and really have lost confidence after not being able to trust people.

Have felt like putting up the lies and pointing the finger at one or two of them on facebook then deleting my account.

Either that or asking if they fancied a game of baseball without a ball....

Really need to just let it go but when gullible people are thinking you're the problem when it was the other way around it's hard to deal with. Been trying to prove myself since and need to stop it and just try and be happier.

[Ad Lib]

After a difficult few months I went to see my GP and after explaining my low moods and sleep/anxiety issues he was reasonably confident that I've got clinical depression. He suggested an SSRI might be an option but I'm reluctant to go on long-term medication if I can avoid it. I'm taking promethazine for my sleeping problems and going to try some counselling through the University and we've agreed to look at things again in a fortnight if they don't improve.

Does anyone else have experience of dealing with this sort of thing in an academic environment? I haven't got any teaching this semester but I figure I should probably tell my supervisors about it to ensure I can make contingencies so I don't fall behind workwise.

[RH33]

I had issues when I was a student and let the course director know. She was really good and ensured I got the additional support i needed whether that was extended deadlines or deferring placement.

Think being open with her is why she ensured I got my DipHE when it became clear I couldn't complete my degree as my mental health deteriorated.

[DA Baracus]

I had experience of this too. The counsellot at the uni advised me to tell my tutor/supervisor and wrote to them for me. This gave me extensions if I needed them and if I missed an exam it wasn't marked as a failed attempt and I waa allowed to take a resit (at Aberdeen uni they brought in a rule that you could only sit an exam 3 times; my 5 attempts at first year chemistry may have played a part!). I ultimately fucked up as I never got help soon enough and didn't follow through on things.

So aye Ad Lib, you need to get on top on this ASAP and follow through on it. I work in a student support role now and the systems universities have for that are designed to help students as much as possible as they really want students to pass. That sounds obvious but the number of students who still think admitting to having problems will 'go against them' or be held in some sort of record that potential future employers will see is prettt astonishing. Ad Lib, you seem like a pretty intelligent guy with a bright future so don't let this beat you. Use the full support scheme as much as you need and don't let it linger. It will eat you up inside and affect everything else in your life. You'll regret it so much and it will take you years to recover. That's all from experience.

When you graduate it says 2:1 or First or whatever in your degree. There isn't an asterix beside it that says 'But had to have support'.

Take steps now. Today. You"ll fell better and you'll know that you can do it and get a good grade, even if there are some stumbles along the way. If you're in the support system then they'll quickly pick you back up.

[DA Baracus]

Oh and I know how lonely it can feel in that situation. You look around other folk in your year and think they're all doing fine. But you'd probably be surprised at how many others at some point in their studies have needed help. Everyone in life will.need help at some point to some level, so it's nothing to be ashamed or embarressed about (something I learned too late).

I've seen a lot of students have similar issues to what you describe go on to be successful at uni after getting help.

[throbber]

I had issues when I was a student and let the course director know. She was really good and ensured I got the additional support i needed whether that was extended deadlines or deferring placement.

Think being open with her is why she ensured I got my DipHE when it became clear I couldn't complete my degree as my mental health deteriorated.

I hate all the waiting about and in activity that comes with it, i have some work i should crack on with but i seem to put it off for days and tell myself that i will do it when I'm in the mood but can't get motivated at all. I would jump at the opportunity to take a job that would pay me through uni or do some work to get a qualification as good as a degree as motivating myself and all the pish that comes with being a student is depressing! Plus the month of January is absolutely chronic. i feel bad on my mrs when she goes out to work as i am sitting here being a total heap pretending I'm not wasting into nothingness

[JamboMikey]

After a difficult few months I went to see my GP and after explaining my low moods and sleep/anxiety issues he was reasonably confident that I've got clinical depression. He suggested an SSRI might be an option but I'm reluctant to go on long-term medication if I can avoid it. I'm taking promethazine for my sleeping problems and going to try some counselling through the University and we've agreed to look at things again in a fortnight if they don't improve.

Does anyone else have experience of dealing with this sort of thing in an academic environment? I haven't got any teaching this semester but I figure I should probably tell my supervisors about it to ensure I can make contingencies so I don't fall behind workwise.

Just be honest with them. In my experience people involved in academics at university level are completely understanding about mental health stuff and have seen it before.

Edited January 15, 2015 by JamboMikey

[Ad Lib]

Thanks folks. Have got in touch with them to keep them aware of the situation.

[Raidernation]

Today is my last day in outpatient CD programme, which has helped me immensely and saved me from a probable long stay in inpatient treatment. And I start a new job on Monday.

I was lucky.

[DA Baracus]

Really good to hear Raidernation. Top news.

[NotThePars]

Quite late since Ad Lib has already said he's discussing it but I do feel a university environment would be one of the most understanding places to disclose mental health problems as it's probably very common on campuses what with the amount of young people attending and the stressful environment.

Had an interview for Teacher Training at Strathclyde University today to do History. It went really well I feel, definitely came across as one of the best candidates in the presentations as I was one of the few to stick to the strict time limit and he commented on my wealth of knowledge for the Curriculum for Excellence in secondary schools. I feel I nailed the interview as well and by all accounts I should have a place secured for the course which has around 26 places but it's the suspense in waiting to hear back that's stressing me out at the moment. There's nothing more I could have done. I definitely know that I did well but there's so much competition for these places and Strathclyde's the one I feel I have the best chance of getting into so I would rather hear back as soon as possible. I have an interview for Edinburgh University as well on Monday which I sort of applied to as an afterthought but I imagine competition will be much more intense for there.

I'm sort of rambling but it's making me incredibly anxious waiting to hear back on something that's going to decide the rest of my life at the moment because I put everything into it and I should have a place but I just don't know.