Depression

[Lyle Lanley]

I'm pathetically lonely. I've never had a real "best friend" who is of a like mind to me and with whom I can speak to openly and honestly. I've never had a proper girlfriend. I cry to myself regularly about how much of my teenage years have been utterly wasted and that memories and contacts normally formed by people my age just aren't developing, and that it's quickly becoming too late and my best and most productive years are evaporating before me as I stand helplessly by. It's tragic just how many basic relationships are completely absent from my life.

I guess these are just standard life problems, but melancholy has always plagued me, particularly recently as things start to change drastically for me. It's weird because it's not as if things have been better in the past. I've always been a very introverted person, but as I get older more and more stigma seems to be associated with being a loner and relationships with other people become more important.

God loneliness is a killer.

I have been through similar to you mate. It's fucking shite .

[welshbairn]

I'm pathetically lonely. I've never had a real "best friend" who is of a like mind to me and with whom I can speak to openly and honestly. I've never had a proper girlfriend. I cry to myself regularly about how much of my teenage years have been utterly wasted and that memories and contacts normally formed by people my age just aren't developing, and that it's quickly becoming too late and my best and most productive years are evaporating before me as I stand helplessly by. It's tragic just how many basic relationships are completely absent from my life.

I guess these are just standard life problems, but melancholy has always plagued me, particularly recently as things start to change drastically for me. It's weird because it's not as if things have been better in the past. I've always been a very introverted person, but as I get older more and more stigma seems to be associated with being a loner and relationships with other people become more important.

God loneliness is a killer.

Teenage years are meant to be wasted. If you're in a rut drastic changes could be just the thing, especially if you're worried about the stigma of being alone. Everybody is alone, and there's no stigma unless you invent it for yourself. Do stuff you like doing and eventually you'll bump into people who like you. They might be arseholes but WTF. Beggars can't be choosers. And be patient, it's a long road.

[JogaBonito]

I'm pathetically lonely. I've never had a real "best friend" who is of a like mind to me and with whom I can speak to openly and honestly. I've never had a proper girlfriend. I cry to myself regularly about how much of my teenage years have been utterly wasted and that memories and contacts normally formed by people my age just aren't developing, and that it's quickly becoming too late and my best and most productive years are evaporating before me as I stand helplessly by. It's tragic just how many basic relationships are completely absent from my life.

I guess these are just standard life problems, but melancholy has always plagued me, particularly recently as things start to change drastically for me. It's weird because it's not as if things have been better in the past. I've always been a very introverted person, but as I get older more and more stigma seems to be associated with being a loner and relationships with other people become more important.

God loneliness is a killer.

Who and what defines "proper";stuff you've seen in the pictures? Relationships and friendships are always going to dry up over time as contact lessens. But newer ones are there to be found and developed.

Have you ever heard of meetup? There may be groups available where you can meet like-minded people over sport or drinks. Filters out some of the hard work too.

[Smurph]

I'm pathetically lonely. I've never had a real "best friend" who is of a like mind to me and with whom I can speak to openly and honestly. I've never had a proper girlfriend. I cry to myself regularly about how much of my teenage years have been utterly wasted and that memories and contacts normally formed by people my age just aren't developing, and that it's quickly becoming too late and my best and most productive years are evaporating before me as I stand helplessly by. It's tragic just how many basic relationships are completely absent from my life.

I feel like this quite regularly. I have a few people I'd consider to be best friends, but I'm not particularly open to them and keep a lot of my life to myself, and it's the same with my parents. Always been like that but I've sort just got used to it and accepted that I'm quite a reserved person. I'm 22 and I've never had a girlfriend for more than two weeks or so, which gets me down at times, but I've grown to accept that it's down to bad timing and missed opportunities and just being quite reserved, and I know that at some point I'll meet someone I genuinely like and get on with.

I wouldn't let it effect you. People just go through different paths in life and have different experiences. There's no point on looking back with regret, there's nothing you can do about it, but there's also no point dwelling on it as it'll only make you feel worse.

[Geronimo]

Thanks guys. Knowing I'm not the only one who feels/has felt this way is comforting.

[Lyle Lanley]

Thanks guys. Knowing I'm not the only one who feels/has felt this way is comforting.

Like Smurph said you'll meet someone one day who you'll enjoy being with.

[Gareth_Glasgow]

I'm pathetically lonely. I've never had a real "best friend" who is of a like mind to me and with whom I can speak to openly and honestly. I've never had a proper girlfriend. I cry to myself regularly about how much of my teenage years have been utterly wasted and that memories and contacts normally formed by people my age just aren't developing, and that it's quickly becoming too late and my best and most productive years are evaporating before me as I stand helplessly by. It's tragic just how many basic relationships are completely absent from my life.

I guess these are just standard life problems, but melancholy has always plagued me, particularly recently as things start to change drastically for me. It's weird because it's not as if things have been better in the past. I've always been a very introverted person, but as I get older more and more stigma seems to be associated with being a loner and relationships with other people become more important.

God loneliness is a killer.

I can definitely relate to that anxious lonely feeling you've described as I'm very shy too and I struggle with dealing with big life changes. Looks like quite a few folk on this thread are the same. I'm lucky enough to have a few very sound friends I can talk to but unfortunately I wouldn't say I have a 'best friend' that I'm really close to and open with either. It might seem difficult but you shouldn't get yourself worried by comparing yourself to other people or things from the past that you can't change. Focus on all the good things about yourself and be as open as you can to meeting new friends or being social with people you already know. I'm rambling a bit but hopefully this helped.

[Lyle Lanley]

I can definitely relate to that anxious lonely feeling you've described as I'm very shy too and I struggle with dealing with big life changes. Looks like quite a few folk on this thread are the same. I'm lucky enough to have a few very sound friends I can talk to but unfortunately I wouldn't say I have a 'best friend' that I'm really close to and open with either. It might seem difficult but you shouldn't get yourself worried by comparing yourself to other people or things from the past that you can't change. Focus on all the good things about yourself and be as open as you can to meeting new friends or being social with people you already know. I'm rambling a bit but hopefully this helped.

Gareth if you want a chat just send me a message bud.

[die hard doonhamer]

I wouldn't say I'm lonely, but opening up has always been a problem to me, to the extent I struggle to open up even to my wife. It drives both of us nuts but I'm not sure I can do anything about it, I just accept that's who I am.

[D.A.F.C]

http://www.regent.edu/acad/global/publications/ijls/new/vol7iss1/IJLS_Vol7Iss1_Gilbert_pp29-47.pdf

For people that had issues with work then, although full on, this is a great read. Unfortunately this type of situation is on the rise due to the recession.

It's all too easy to try and think that it's you but the thing I find startling is how identical all these reports and descriptions are. It's like some sick and twisted play with the same outcome and cast over and over. When you spend hours every day in a workplace that behaves this way it's not good mentally whatsoever. I took it personally in my last workplace and it was personal but you need to realise you are just playing a role in a bigger work of fiction designed to cover up the dysfunction and toxicity they everyone knows is happening but too psychopathic, gutless or scared to do anything about.

[NotThePars]

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/aug/05/neoliberalism-mental-health-rich-poverty-economy

Related to the last post this is an excellent article on the undoubted links between mental health and neoliberalism. From my limited experience and that of my friends I can see it. A lot of positive traits are actively discouraged or punished in many workplaces and the constant competition is incredibly unhealthy for anyone who isn't completely capable of coping with it. I'm going into teaching myself and while it's going to be a battle I've got the impression that there's an element of camaraderie between teachers that I think is a good thing.

[NotThePars]

Can empathise with the anxiety over menial tasks. I can't go to the same place for my lunch where I'm working or living cause I get pure heavy anxious that the people there are judging me or commenting on me even though it's ridiculous.

[Hedgecutter]

Can empathise with the anxiety over menial tasks. I can't go to the same place for my lunch where I'm working or living cause I get pure heavy anxious that the people there are judging me or commenting on me even though it's ridiculous.

Along similar lines, I've got a fear of going into the city centre or even out in my street / back garden in case folk I used to work with or the neighbours see me still out of work. Folk are saying "don't be hard on yourself, it's a really tough market just now" but I'm yet to be convinced that it's not me where the problem lies. Embarrassed, ashamed etc etc.

Finally went to my GP earlier in the week after booking an appointment due to hitting another serious low last week - sparked by something completely trivial. Something simple like geocaching that's given me a good way to get out of the house when all my friends are working turned sour when I was caught hunting around a lane through what was an oblivious overlooking window. Owner came out angry asking why I was loitering about which had me thinking that I was just a complete inconvenience to everybody, even when trying the one thing which was keeping me 'happier'.

GP has put me on 15mg/d Mirtazapine so hopefully that helps somewhat. I thought that I'd probably be unable to get the words out in the appointment though so I put them in written form. For ease, I've copied and pasted into the spoiler below for those interested, written when I obviously felt much lower than I did just now. Probably felt like this more often than not for over 6 months but have been too worried about opening up. Right enough, I couldn't even read out half of the material there because of what feels like utter shame. Waiting in the doctor's waiting room was an awful experience. Closest I've ever come to a breathless panic attack and I even considered just leaving. Why not? Because I'd just be another inconvenience and statistic for the "X number of doctors time was wasted last month" poster on the wall.

Bleak outlook on life

- Hate the idea of the future

- Fear of it seeming like laziness, i.e. can’t be bothered putting up with the work most others have to.

Near daily occurrence of suicidal thoughts, often randomly popping in.

- Just feel like too much of a burden, world a better place without me idea.

- Stopped only because of “not fair on them”

- Don’t care about falling and dying, just seriously hurting myself and potentially becoming helpless in a wheelchair, or worse.

- Walking along the pavement, see a large lorry / bus coming in distance which gives time weigh up the pros and cons of jumping out. Always that urge to.

Current thought is that it’s unlikely that I will commit suicide but the thought of dying pain free in an accident doesn't bother me. In fact, it would be ideal as family and friends would see it as a tragedy rather than the selfishness of suicide.

First occurrence of depression couple of years ago at work when told I wasn’t looking my normal self.

- Spiralled

- Resulted in daily occurrence of feeling useless, a burden and considering just dying even a couple of months later.

- Eventually got better by itself after a few months.

Main occurrence from redundancy

- Very definition: 'No longer useful'.

- Shame, weakness and embarrassment about being out of work for a long period of time.

Constantly feel hopeless and useless more so now

- See alternative jobs but drivers licence always seems to be essential which I can't get because of epilepsy. Grown adult but can't even carry out most of my hobbies without somebody taking me there.

Can’t control negative thoughts

- anything negative can spiral out of control, hence the phone call to book this appointment after something trivial after feeling incredibly low and not wanting to be here. Eventually finding a hobby to cheer me up just felt like an annoyance to others. Feels like a complete over-reaction.

Struggle to sleep –

- Initially constant worry with work, now just in general

- Can’t remember the last time I had a comfortable sleep

Loss of social interest despite daily loneliness. Somebody can text asking how I'm doing but I just don't know what to write and will pretend I forgot all about it. Realisation of being a terrible friend.

Not caring, loss of emotion – “don’t tell me that something bad has happened because I’m worried it won’t bother me”. Upsets me that I’m like that, a terrible person

Much more irritable, Everything gets on your nerves

Haven’t been for help so far because I don’t want it on my record for future e.g. job possibilities.

- See it as a weakness I don’t want people to know about

- Don’t want others to treat me differently forever

Edited April 23, 2015 by Hedgecutter

[JamboMikey]

Have you thought about counselling?

Sure a lot of people can empathise with not being able to talk about a lot of the stuff you're feeling but quite often these people really do create a dynamic where you can open up to them.

Edited April 23, 2015 by JamboMikey

[Adam]

Along similar lines, I've got a fear of going into the city centre or even out in my street / back garden in case folk I used to work with or the neighbours see me still out of work. Folk are saying "don't be hard on yourself, it's a really tough market just now" but I'm yet to be convinced that it's not me where the problem lies. Embarrassed, ashamed etc etc.

Finally went to my GP earlier in the week after booking an appointment due to hitting another serious low last week - sparked by something completely trivial. Something simple like geocaching that's given me a good way to get out of the house when all my friends are working turned sour when I was caught hunting around a lane through what was an oblivious overlooking window. Owner came out angry asking why I was loitering about which had me thinking that I was just a complete inconvenience to everybody, even when trying the one thing which was keeping me 'happier'.

GP has put me on 15mg/d Mirtazapine so hopefully that helps somewhat. I thought that I'd probably be unable to get the words out in the appointment though so I put them in written form. For ease, I've copied and pasted into the spoiler below for those interested, written when I obviously felt much lower than I did just now. Probably felt like this more often than not for over 6 months but have been too worried about opening up. Right enough, I couldn't even read out half of the material there because of what feels like utter shame. Waiting in the doctor's waiting room was an awful experience. Closest I've ever come to a breathless panic attack and I even considered just leaving. Why not? Because I'd just be another inconvenience and statistic for the "X number of doctors time was wasted last month" poster on the wall.

Bleak outlook on life

- Hate the idea of the future

- Fear of it seeming like laziness, i.e. can’t be bothered putting up with the work most others have to.

Near daily occurrence of suicidal thoughts, often randomly popping in.

- Just feel like too much of a burden, world a better place without me idea.

- Stopped only because of “not fair on them”

- Don’t care about falling and dying, just seriously hurting myself and potentially becoming helpless in a wheelchair, or worse.

- Walking along the pavement, see a large lorry / bus coming in distance which gives time weigh up the pros and cons of jumping out. Always that urge to.

Current thought is that it’s unlikely that I will commit suicide but the thought of dying pain free in an accident doesn't bother me. In fact, it would be ideal as family and friends would see it as a tragedy rather than the selfishness of suicide.

First occurrence of depression couple of years ago at work when told I wasn’t looking my normal self.

- Spiralled

- Resulted in daily occurrence of feeling useless, a burden and considering just dying even a couple of months later.

- Eventually got better by itself after a few months.

Main occurrence from redundancy

- Very definition: 'No longer useful'.

- Shame, weakness and embarrassment about being out of work for a long period of time.

Constantly feel hopeless and useless more so now

- See alternative jobs but drivers licence always seems to be essential which I can't get because of epilepsy. Grown adult but can't even carry out most of my hobbies without somebody taking me there.

Can’t control negative thoughts

- anything negative can spiral out of control, hence the phone call to book this appointment after something trivial after feeling incredibly low and not wanting to be here. Eventually finding a hobby to cheer me up just felt like an annoyance to others. Feels like a complete over-reaction.

Struggle to sleep –

- Initially constant worry with work, now just in general

- Can’t remember the last time I had a comfortable sleep

Loss of social interest despite daily loneliness. Somebody can text asking how I'm doing but I just don't know what to write and will pretend I forgot all about it. Realisation of being a terrible friend.

Not caring, loss of emotion – “don’t tell me that something bad has happened because I’m worried it won’t bother me”. Upsets me that I’m like that, a terrible person

Much more irritable, Everything gets on your nerves

Haven’t been for help so far because I don’t want it on my record for future e.g. job possibilities.

- See it as a weakness I don’t want people to know about

- Don’t want others to treat me differently forever

Regarding your job situation, have you considered starting your own business? I seem to remember you do a lot of caving stuff, which is fairly specialised. You could perhaps do something along these lines to keep you ticking over, and it would also give you a purpose. It is fairly easy to start up a small business like this. If this is something you might be interested in I would be happy to offer you guidance/get you started.

Edit: just read this back, sounds like a sales pitch! What I mean is that I've worked with a few people who have been in your situation RE: Work and I've been able to get them going with a fair amount of success, depending on their interests and specialities.

Edited April 23, 2015 by Adam

[The Ginger Prince]

Off on holiday from work at the moment, back on Tuesday and its filling me with so much dread.

My manager is effectively bullying me (I know that sounds like such a childish thing to say) and is trying to drive me out the business.

I honestly have no idea what to do come Tuesday morning, I actually feel sick to my stomach and the way he's being towards me is pushing me towards another dark place.

[Lyle Lanley]

Off on holiday from work at the moment, back on Tuesday and its filling me with so much dread.

My manager is effectively bullying me (I know that sounds like such a childish thing to say) and is trying to drive me out the business.

I honestly have no idea what to do come Tuesday morning, I actually feel sick to my stomach and the way he's being towards me is pushing me towards another dark place.

I'm sorry to hear that Craig. If you want a chat just send me a message on facebook or here bud.

[paranoid android]

Off on holiday from work at the moment, back on Tuesday and its filling me with so much dread.

My manager is effectively bullying me (I know that sounds like such a childish thing to say) and is trying to drive me out the business.

I honestly have no idea what to do come Tuesday morning, I actually feel sick to my stomach and the way he's being towards me is pushing me towards another dark place.

Work place bullies are scum - probably with nothing good going on in their own lives.

Try to have a record of any bullying incident incidents, including details - times, places, what happened, what was said, etc, so that you can report it, if it comes to that, which it looks like it might.

These things can ruin it for you - don't let this c**t do it to you.

It's also possible to say to them calmly that the way they are treating you is unacceptable, unprofessional, and inappropriate, and that it's making you uncomfortable, and can they please stop it.

[D.A.F.C]

Off on holiday from work at the moment, back on Tuesday and its filling me with so much dread.

My manager is effectively bullying me (I know that sounds like such a childish thing to say) and is trying to drive me out the business.

I honestly have no idea what to do come Tuesday morning, I actually feel sick to my stomach and the way he's being towards me is pushing me towards another dark place.

If you want any advice feel free to drop me a PM or ask on here.

I was bullied for five years and ended up chased out the business also.

First thing I would advise is to take a USB stick in and create a file with what is going on and record what was said, time, date and witnesses. DO NOT tell anyone in the company you think you're being bullied. Especially HR. Chances are your boss already has a direct line to HR and bends their ear regularly and has created a scapegoat in you rather than admit they are the issue. When you have a few months of evidence then it's up to you. If you have had enough go to HR, chances are they will back the boss but if he is really trying to get you sacked then at least you will have evidence to expose the game.

This site here can explain it better than I can.

http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/index.htm

Please don't think that the bullying is in any way to do with you or your abilities or effort.

[1320Lichtie]

Off on holiday from work at the moment, back on Tuesday and its filling me with so much dread.

My manager is effectively bullying me (I know that sounds like such a childish thing to say) and is trying to drive me out the business.

I honestly have no idea what to do come Tuesday morning, I actually feel sick to my stomach and the way he's being towards me is pushing me towards another dark place.

I had this in my last job. I was being bullied into doing way more than I should've done as a young trainee by my boss, it was 'just business' and wasn't anything personal but it got me extremely upset.

I used to phone up my dad many a lunchtime near enough in tears because of the way I was being treated, I hated it, the only time of the week I enjoyed was Friday night and Saturday. By the time Sunday came around I had the fear.

I was a confident person out of work but in work I was like a mouse, scared to do anything and very quiet.

This happened and carried on for about a year and a bit.

One Sunday I just sort of told myself that at the end of the day nobody should be making me feel like this, f**k him, and went in and started behaving the way I was outside of work towards my boss. You shouldn't put up with someone being out of order towards you just because they're your boss.

I was at the point where I hated work that much and was so depressed that I went in not caring what happened. At the end of the day if it's nearly pushing you towards depression why care? Life's bigger than your work.

I went in feeling like I had nothing to lose, I continued to do my job the best I could and if he spoke to me in a way I considered to be cruel or OTT or asked me to go beyond what I considered to be the call of duty I stood up to him and explained my reasons and feelings about it in the politest way possible. It ended up working and his attitude slowly changed, he realised how he was making me feel and started to change his behaviour. He remained a total arsehole however so I continued to look for work elsewhere, work still wasn't enjoyable because we didn't get on but it wasn't making me feel anywhere near as bad as I felt before.

I have absolutely no idea if this will help I never try and give advice on here but just seeing what you were saying there and it sort of took me back to being a 17 year old trainee getting bullied about my work from some old w****r.

Just go in, try and be confident and try standing up for yourself, within reason obviously. Sounds stupid but f**k it, your boss is just another brain in a box at the end of the day and life's much bigger than working, especially working in a job that's pushing you towards depression.

Speak to parents/friends aswell. I used to try and speak to someone on my lunchtimes if I was feeling particularly down or depressed. It sort of takes you out of work mood for a bit, especially handy if you can't go home at lunch and can't escape during the day.